My user name says it all. I’m divorcing after nearly 40years in an abusive marriage.
I know that feeling. When you feel you have no control over your life, it’s very natural to feel so overwhelmed that any decision is too much, too difficult.
Your internal head/emotional space is so busy firefighting all these things every day there’s no clear space to actually try and solve any of the problems. I visualise it like trying to make a complicated meal from scratch, when the kitchen counter is 100% covered in rubbish and dirty dishes.
One thing I think you should do first. Talk to a solicitor to find out what your financial situation would be if you divorced. Sometimes you can get a free initial consultation. Or look at Wikivorce website. Then perhaps see if there is any extra financial help available through benefits.
You don’t have to do anything with this if you don’t want to, but knowledge is power. Perhaps you can afford to leave?
What is often suggested is a Mind Map or brain dump. Do an Images Google search to see what I mean. It’s a visual way of putting your life/difficulties on a piece of paper. Then you can see all the difficulties and break them down in to smaller and smaller tasks to achieve some clarity on how to go about solving them. At first it can be daunting to see it all on paper. But the old saying you won’t get anything done unless you take the first step, is true. Even if they are tiny, tiny baby steps. And some things can’t be solved, they just have to be ‘parked’ somewhere til something changes.
Im overweight too. It’s mostly due to the fact I stuff my face with ice cream, chocolate and biscuits after my dinner everyday evening. I’ve tried so hard to stop it.
I started the Mounjaro weight loss injection last Friday. After two days, I haven’t had any ice cream or chocolate or biccies at all. I got it from Asda. Expensive I admit, but I reckon I’m saving at least 50% on all the crap I’m not eating.
There’s a thing called Locus of Control. My understanding of it is that some people feel life/events/other people cause most of the things that happen to them in their life. Other people feel that they are the ones responsible and in control of their life. After so long with a coercive/controlling husband I felt completely powerless, like a piece of flotsam tossed about by the waves.
I have had to learn through my divorce that I am really the master of my own future, I have more power than I think. It’s been very very hard for me to put this into action. I only started doing this when I physically moved out away from my husband.
Making decisions and putting them into action is still hard for me. I have a list of telephone calls I should be making today, and yet here I am on MN procrastinating as usual.
Best of luck, and remember - baby steps are better than nothing.