How to explain to an 8 year old gmil will not be back in dc's life?

[Parrilalilalila]

And make it so my dc can accept the situation, and knows it is not on her, it is how grandma is and unfortunately it might not get better? I have used these words exactly, but it doesn't get us anywhere.
I am struggling with chosing other words that are still child friendly, strugglig trying to explain or tell her that grandmother is out of our lives.
Me and her father are seperated, mine and my daughters lives are getting so much better every day. Her physical problems, stress related, all vanished.
But she misses her grandmother my ex mil.
The relationship between me and mil was easy at first, after child birth it got more more and difficult, but I managed to keep it civil for my dc and managed for them to have a relationship. I wish I had not been such a push over all those years and a people pleaser though. I just can't explain to myself even, why it was more important to me mil wasn't upset with me, then if she upset me.
Things have seriously changed wirh mil's mental state after our having to flee our house due to the dangerous actions of her father. Mil also got dangerous, even attacked me.
Mil's other son made the decision to go nc many years ago, with his whole family, I now understand why.
But my daughter obviously does not.
She says she misses her, almost every day. Sometimes it lessens, but then something small happens and it comes again.
I would so much want to just tell her the truth, but ofcourse she is much too young.
Does anyone have any advice on how to explain, but not have their child blame themselves?
I would love to find a way for her to move on and accept.
It's been almost a year now fyi.

[Parrilalilalila]

Also I am being blamed for not allowing her, which is totally not the case, but hurts very badly and I do not know how to turn this around.
I do know it is all build up now, bigger than it was or should be. There are many family members gained, due to the two lost.

[fluffycloudalert]

You need to tell her the truth now. She's 8 and children that age are old enough to learn that some people are horrible or violent, and you have to keep away from them, even if they are family members.

[StrawberryWater]

She's old enough to know.

Just do it in a child friendly way.

So say something along the lines of: 'sometimes adults do bad things and hurt people and the consequence of that is that they're not allowed to be around you any more because we want to keep you safe'.

As she gets older you can add more detail.

[Fraaahnces]

I think a simple “Darling I know you miss her, but you are a kid and I need to protect you. There has been a lot happening that you don’t know about and not all adults are as nice or as safe you you think. GM is one of those adults and because I love you I will tell you when you are old enough to understand.”

[DancesWithDucks]

Agreed - tell her the (age appropriate) truth, along the lines of @StrawberryWater or @Fraaahnces suggest.

Sympathise with her missing her grandma and say that you wish this wasn't the situation but it is, and sometimes difficult decisions have to be made. They hurt, but they are the right ones to keep everyone safe.

It's much, much better for children to know the age appropriate truth than for someone to just vanish from their lives with no explanation. Saving children's feelings often leads to greater pain in the long run. Secrets and silence can come back to bite, hard.

It's hard to be the bad guy when you explain that your child can't have contact with someone, but as time passes as they grow up and you explain more, they come to understand later on. I see it as one of the burdens of being a parent - being the focus of difficult emotions until they grow up, learn more and things fit into place.

But you do have to be crystal clear that this isn't a situation you want, but that it is necessary.

[mathanxiety]

What @Fraaahnces said.

Don't mislead her.

A child of 8 can be told the truth.

My DCs had already noticed personality traits of their GM (exMIL) that really bothered them by that age.

[Parrilalilalila]

Thank you all very much. It confirms my wanting to be honest with her.
Thanks again.