Gf recieveing message from other guys.

[Notquitethere01]

I don't know if I'm overreacting or am I right to feel a bit weird about this?
My gf asked me to read out something on her phone to her and as I did, a message came through from instagram from a guy replying to a story she had posted. This guy is someone I know about and who she has openly told me she talked to before we got together. She went almost embarrassed when it happened but I kept quiet and didn't make a big deal out of it. I know this guy has reacted or responded to her stories before because she has told me. However, it made me feel really quite uneasy yesterday.

After what happened she has really stepped up her loving side, hugging me, kissing me, telling me how much she loves me etc. Said I'm her soul mate etc.

A few hours later I told her that the message unsettled me, like it would if I had one from a girl. I guess what is going through my mind is if she has been messaging him back and forth and I don't know about it. But I have zero evidence of that.

She told me she knew I had something on my mind and she promised me that (quite sincerely) that she would never do anything to break what he had. I told her that I trust her and that's all I can do.

Am I right to be worrying about this? I guess I can't be sure 100% but I have to trust her until proven otherwise?

[Alexandernevermind]

*changed

[Alexandernevermind]

Your story has changes slightly, or the original post wasn't entirely clear. Cut the poor woman some slack and either trust her or end it. There really is no in between.

[AryaStarkWolf]

[quote Notquitethere01]@aryastarkwolf no it was a direct message into her inbox. They have messaged before and she told me that she was attracted to him.[/quote]
But you said he was replying to an Instagram story and he said the tea looked good?

[Wanderlusto]

[quote Notquitethere01]@aryastarkwolf no it was a direct message into her inbox. They have messaged before and she told me that she was attracted to him.[/quote]
Did she reply?

[Notquitethere01]

@aryastarkwolf no it was a direct message into her inbox. They have messaged before and she told me that she was attracted to him.

[AryaStarkWolf]

[quote Notquitethere01]@Alexandernevermind why is that?

I'm merely asking a question as to whether I should be worried or not but seem to be getting all manner of responses that I have done somethong wrong. Imagine it the other way around and you saw your husband/boyfriend/ girlfriend/ wife/ partner getting messages from anothher guy.[/quote]
He posted a comment on a picture she posted of a cup of tea though, he didn't send her a message, are only her female followers allowed to comment on photograph she posts?, it would be exactly the same if it were a woman commenting on a mans photo, it isn't a message and there was no flirtatiousness to it, it's a cup of tea!! Tea isn't sexy

[goldielockdown2]

Imagine it the other way round

Well yeah, no one else finds it a concern. You've got post after post telling you so. What exactly is your worry here?

[Wanderlusto]

[quote Notquitethere01]@Alexandernevermind why is that?

I'm merely asking a question as to whether I should be worried or not but seem to be getting all manner of responses that I have done somethong wrong. Imagine it the other way around and you saw your husband/boyfriend/ girlfriend/ wife/ partner getting messages from anothher guy.[/quote]
It's not a message though OP. It's a comment on a public forum.

If she was texting the guy then maybe there would be an issue. But what actually happened was he posted on a public photo and by the sounds of it, she didnt even reply.

And now it sounds like she is going out of her way to reassure you. Maybe because she is attuned to the fact that you are all insecure and potentially, needy as fuck.

[Alexandernevermind]

The red flag comment is because this does not sound like a healthy relationship.
One scenario (the one I am leaning towards) is that you are jealous and controlling. You saw that a male had commented on her photograph and she became flustered when challenged, panicking about your reaction. She felt she had to be OTT in reassuring you everything was fine. The fact that you questioned her about a man making a comment is odd, and her reaction could be that she knew you would over react.
The second scenario is that your 6th sense was right and him commenting "looking good" meant they were at it, which on the face of it is bonkers, but her reaction and the fact there is already an element of you not trusting her means something is off.
My DH and I speak to people of the opposite sex all the time and it means nothing, its fine, even when its jokey flirty. We trust each other.

[Notquitethere01]

@Alexandernevermind why is that?

I'm merely asking a question as to whether I should be worried or not but seem to be getting all manner of responses that I have done somethong wrong. Imagine it the other way around and you saw your husband/boyfriend/ girlfriend/ wife/ partner getting messages from anothher guy.

[Alexandernevermind]

You are showing a huge red flag @Notquitethere01.

[Magnificentmug12]

Of course you read it like that moondust.

Says more about you than me.

[Moondust001]

@Magnificentmug12

Welcome to women! We have to put up with that shit all the time it doesn’t even register.

Can’t even make a innocent cup of tea without a bloke passing comment/flirting/trying his luck!

Don’t beat her down for it, tell her if she finds it starts to get uncomfortable then let you know and you will tell him to stop messaging her. (She may not ask you though because she is desensitised to it)

Nice that she was reassuring after. If she went off on one about it that’s when you have to worry, when the defence rises.

Really? That's what you got from this? She needs a man to protect her from other men communicating with her? Which century are you in? You sound worse than the boyfriend, and that was bad enough.

[AryaStarkWolf]

@crestar

Typical Mumsnet bias.

If this was the other way round, some of the previous posters would likely be saying to LTB, to do further investigation and to get your ducks in order.

This message on the face of it sounds completely innocent unless she's given you any grounds to think otherwise?

I don't think so. Maybe find some of those threads where it's a man sending the messages and see and it has to be a total non flirty/really normal text like the one the OP mentioned

[Lovelydiscusfish]

@crestar

Typical Mumsnet bias.

If this was the other way round, some of the previous posters would likely be saying to LTB, to do further investigation and to get your ducks in order.

This message on the face of it sounds completely innocent unless she's given you any grounds to think otherwise?

I’m not actually sure that’s true - OP’s provocation for jealousy here seems so slight......

[crestar]

Typical Mumsnet bias.

If this was the other way round, some of the previous posters would likely be saying to LTB, to do further investigation and to get your ducks in order.

This message on the face of it sounds completely innocent unless she's given you any grounds to think otherwise?

[ErickBroch]

Like others have said, as a woman I have received so many messages unsolicited so it could be he just is always trying to talk and she isn't interested. Been there.

[ErickBroch]

That's quite a basic message at least. I think she would be more secretive with her phone if she had something to hide. If I am being totally honest, if my DP was getting messages from someone he spoke to before we got together purely in a romantic sense I would feel uneasy unless it was quite mundane chat. Which, from that message, it could well be!

[Magnificentmug12]

Welcome to women! We have to put up with that shit all the time it doesn’t even register.

Can’t even make a innocent cup of tea without a bloke passing comment/flirting/trying his luck!

Don’t beat her down for it, tell her if she finds it starts to get uncomfortable then let you know and you will tell him to stop messaging her. (She may not ask you though because she is desensitised to it)

Nice that she was reassuring after. If she went off on one about it that’s when you have to worry, when the defence rises.

[Eckhart]

Why did you tell her you trust her when you don't, @Notquitethere01?

This is a minimisation of your feelings, regardless of whether she's guilty of anything or not.

If you are not having an open and honest relationship with yourself, how can you have an open and honest relationship with anybody else?

[Wanderlusto]

Oh dear. So what next, is she going to have to remove all the men from her social media?

That being said...benefit of the doubt, maybe its just because she had a thing for him. But have you removed all your past exs and crushes and dates from your social media? Doubt it.

And when you two split (I say when because it's likely you will at some point) maybe she will want to date him. Maybe you will want to date someone you liked who you still have a social media connection with. Or maybe not.

Its completely irrelevant provided there is no flirting with them or innaproptaite conversations DURING your relationship. Which, his comment was not. If she had replied 'looking sexy yourself' then maybe youd have an issue bit as is, nah.

So buck up with the insecurity and jealousy. Or she might end up dating him afterall, because she dumped you.

[RantyAnty]

Very needy

[Kelly345]

Was she making a cup of tea naked or something?

[aloeha]

YABVU, you surely can’t expect her to never speak to a man again?

[Queenoftheashes]

Sounds like she is quite nervous of your jealousy and moods from all the reassuring of you she had to do. Maybe you should do her/all women a favour and stay single until you are more mature.