Is this emotional abuse ?

[Roselilly300]

Hi

This may be long sorry.. i have been on and off with my partner for nearly 4 years now. Both have no children I am 29 and he is 32. I live alone and him with family.

At first things were great I thought I’d met the ‘one’ but then cracks started to show I guess small red flags that I ignored and are now the root cause of our problems today.

Without going in to all the stuff that has happened over the years as it will take to long I now think probably over the last year has started to become emotionally abusive.. for example if I’m upset about something he’s done he will tell me I’m deluded I am going nuts he told me once I am troubled and I have mental health issues ( I have anxiety)

I feel he gaslights me and when I bring up something he has genuinely done wrong he will turn it on me and say I’m over thinking it or it’s my anxiety.

I work from home and have done since March where as he has worked throughout the pandemic .. he now says things like ‘ working from home is driving you mad’ he says all these things when he’s done something wrong and I call him out on it.

Our sex life isn’t great I feel he shows no interest at all. I brought this up with him the other day to which he said ‘ your not feeling great about yourself lately so that’s not helping ‘ I’ve put on a bit of weight during lockdown as most ppl have .. and he knows I self concious about it but that’s nothing to do with him not touching me !

He never used to be like this but now I can’t say anything to him without him using something I’ve told him against me.

He blows hot and cold one day he will be ringing FaceTiming messaging and be really happy then the next day he won’t even answers my calls or texts.. sometimes disappears after work and reappears the next day and says he has fallen asleep ( I know how this looks and what ppl will say)

He’s decided to blow hot and cold this weekend and I confronted him about it. He has now currently blocked me on everything

[Sally2791]

Bin him off. He’s a time waster

[RLABC]

Bex19999 stay strong, you're worth so much more than the way he was treating you

[FetchezLaVache]

Good for you, love. Clean break's just what you need. xx

[Bex19999]

Hi @RLABC I’m ok I guess we have split up and I’m on day 2 no contact after nearly a week of him ignoring me and all my messages.. I decided to tell him it was over delete the number and stop messaging

Thanks for asking

[RLABC]

How are you doing OP?

[AryaStarkWolf]

@Roselilly300

Thank you all for your replies.. I am in utter shock right now as he unblocked me and we spoke on the phone today we got in to argument and I was very upset. He recorded my conversation without my knowledge of a different phone .. phoned my friend and played her the recording and told her I am crazy.

I cannot believe he has done that I feel humiliated and like my trust has been violated. My friend told him where to go and said the recording made him look bad not me but I’m honestly shocked that he has done such a thing.

Jesus christ, block him, you don't need someone like that in your life!!

[Orkneys]

Sorry OP it will only get worse. A thread I posted about abuse in 2011(what would you do) I have just updated. Don't stay as long as I did its a waste and I'm permanently scard.

[pog100]

Come on OP, it's a blessing in disguise! You can now have no doubt whatsoever that this relationship is over and dead. Dump him this minute, block, delete, chuck his belongings and start a lovely new stage of life without this piece of shit around you.

[Enough4me]

Stay mad, but angry mad and at him. Use that anger to block him out of your life.

[Roselilly300]

Thank you all for your replies.. I am in utter shock right now as he unblocked me and we spoke on the phone today we got in to argument and I was very upset. He recorded my conversation without my knowledge of a different phone .. phoned my friend and played her the recording and told her I am crazy.

I cannot believe he has done that I feel humiliated and like my trust has been violated. My friend told him where to go and said the recording made him look bad not me but I’m honestly shocked that he has done such a thing.

[Rainbowllama4]

Agree with above poster that if you have to question it then something isn’t right. Honestly you are so young and sound like you have your act together, don’t let this idiot take up any more head space. Block and delete him, I guarantee he will come crawling back at some point but by then you will have moved on and won’t be interested in his mind games right?

[AryaStarkWolf]

The good new is you don't live together and don't have kids together. Block him right back, it shouldn't be that hard, if you're questioning whether he's emotionally abusive then he probably is

[SoulofanAggron]

PP's are right- block him on everything for good, so he can't get in touch with you.

[FinallyHere]

Count your lucky stars that he hasn't moved in, so that all you have to do to shake him off is to say goodbye and then block.

Now, look forward to enjoying the rest of your life.

[StopGo]

You don't have to be a doormat and enable his shitty, abusive behaviour. Today is the first of the rest of your life. Block him everywhere and move on

[Babysharksmom]

Why waste a minute more of your precious time on this man. You're not happy. He sounds nasty. Simples - block him back and let that be the end of it.
Wishing you the best

[ForkHandlesplease]

You have nothing to loose and everything to gain. Tell him it's over, dont try to think whats not working? could it be better? you'll go round in circles, delaying the inevitable. You're worth more.

[Dery]

@Roselilly300 - this is all bullshit.

A good relationship doesn’t involve so much struggle. And these are the easy years - before you have pooled finances and are perhaps trying to raise a family together with all the additional stresses those experiences bring.

This relationship has run its course. You’re still young and have plenty of time to find someone else. Kick him into touch and move on.

[FetchezLaVache]

He sounds absolutely awful, for the way you describe him and everything above. Don't settle for this shit when you know it's not right. I'd take the opportunity of the blocking to just withdraw. When he comes back, tell him you're not wasting any more time on a game-playing baby.

[category12]

[quote Roselilly300]@category12 I have said this to him and he makes it clear without saying it but by his actions that he doesn’t want to live here but blames it on the fact our Rship isn’t stable but when things are good between us it will only be so long before I feel he sabotages things so we can’t move forward. He says he needs to work on himself etc before we can get to that point but I know that is utter bollocks and an excuse[/quote]
Four years of that kind of bullshit?

He's wasting your time. Dump him and move on with your life.

[choli]

Move on. He's worthless.

[Roselilly300]

@category12 I have said this to him and he makes it clear without saying it but by his actions that he doesn’t want to live here but blames it on the fact our Rship isn’t stable but when things are good between us it will only be so long before I feel he sabotages things so we can’t move forward. He says he needs to work on himself etc before we can get to that point but I know that is utter bollocks and an excuse

[maybemu]

Ladies and gentlemen the 32 year old baby.

[Roselilly300]

Also we have had many arguments over the years and he never blocks me . The fact he did last night makes me think he did so to suit whatever it was he was doing as he wanted me out the way. He didn’t just block on WhatsApp but on text and call too