Should dh and I have the pin code to each other's phone?

[bluebellll]

I don't have a reason to believe my husband would do anything untrustworthy but for some reason it's bugging me that I don't know the pin on his phone. I wouldn't mind if he had mine. I would like to hear your opinions?

Thanks

[piscean10]

We have the pin to each other's phone. I can pick up dh phone and sit in another room and he wouldn't be bothered. At the same time I don't actually do it. Would find it worrying if dh refused.

[MizMoonshine]

DP and I know eachothers screen unlocks, if he's driving he will ask me to handle something on his phone, if I'm cooking I'll ask him to do something on mine. Our phones are personal, yes, but we use them quite interchangeably for general things.

[vanillandhoney]

No.

I value a level of privacy in my life. He doesn't know my laptop password either - if he wants to use it he can sign into the guest account.

It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't want to have to share 100% of my feelings and thoughts 100% of the time.

[pilates]

Yes we know each other’s. I’ll give you an example why. An older lady was walking past my house tripped and went down flat on her face. For some reason her and her husband had swapped phones for the day but she didn’t know the passcode so I couldn’t phone him to let him know. I waited with her until the ambulance came but it sure would have been handy to contact someone to let them know.

[Schmoana]

I don’t think it’s about trust. My partner had a very bad accident a couple of weeks ago and before he was put in an induced coma he gave me his pin. If he hadn’t, and hadn’t got through it, his family would have lost all the photos he had. I had full access to his phone and didn’t feel any need at all to snoop, i just used it for contacts that I wouldn’t otherwise have details of.

[Jeremyironsnothing]

We have the ability but don't snoop. Actually I'm supposed to have the ability. Reality is, I can never remember his.

I'd be suspicious in your case too op. Why is he only leaving it around now he knows you can't get into it. Very odd.

[MaitlandGirl]

DW and I have the same pin code and often use each others phones - the only 'rule' so to speak is that we don't look at anything on private browsers (iPhone). It's not so much a rule as an unspoken agreement.

DW has health issues and I'm the only driver so it's easier for us to be able to access each others phones to reply to messages or check emails etc.

My ex would obsessively hide his phone which made me want to know everything that was on it - DW isn't protective of her phone so it never occurs to me to have a wander through and see whats on there.

We also share the same laptop and don't look at each others files as there's no secrecy.

[Emeeno1]

How much posters trust their partners is another one of those things with attached value here. Some appear to think there is superiority in their approach to trusting and are dismissive of those who struggle.

It is ok to struggle with this.

[JuststartedGOT]

Ive always known DH, daughters bday and he knows mine my bday, I pick up his phone and Bluetooth photos he has taken that day of family or to load address for sat nav while driving. I've got the same password for everything, so does he, so can always log into anything he set up online, utility bills, get a payslip from his email for ID, etc. Thats just seems normal and never been a conscience thing to do but I would feel uneasy if he kept it from me or changed a password. Mumsnet always seem to be up in arms about being 100% trustful and your problem if you don't but there are so many women who are 100% trusting till they find something or something feels off. I would next time your home put your phone in room or leave it in car and then just pick up his phone and say password and see if he just says it (which is what I would do or expect DH to do) if he asks why just say cant find my phone just want to call it. Next time u have access to it, try password again if your still suspicious. I think just by his saying or not saying it without hesitation will say enough. If he starts keeping phone on him again after he give you password would also make me think something is up !

[AlexaShutUp]

I do know DH's pincode but I would only ever use it if he asked me to look at his phone for something, which he does do occasionally. I don't ever check it as I don't feel the need - I trust him.

I don't think DH knows my pincode as he has never needed it. I have nothing to hide at all, but I'm quite a private person so wouldn't like the idea of him checking it, that would feel really intrusive. Wouldn't mind telling him the code if he needed it for some reason.

I'm pretty sure that dd knows my pincode, but I'm confident that she wouldn't ever use it. There isn't anything on my phone that would be sufficiently interesting to her!

[Lightsonnobodyshome]

I don't necessarily think you should have access to it but the pattern of behavior and the fact that you've noticed means you have a problem much bigger than a pincode now.

[LillianBland]

@joystir59

We had (past tense as DW died recently) each other's pin codes, and used each others phones to Google stuff, take photos, but never to check up on each other because we trusted each other

I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain must be indescribable and I hope you have good support. 💐

[cabbageking]

I have no idea what my husbands pin is. And he me.

Have no desire to know because I trust him.

[OnceUponALorry]

I've seen my DP put his password into his phone 100's of times but I don't remember it. He would know my password because its the same as my tablet which he turns on regularly. I'd never look at his phone and if he looked at mine it would be the end of our relationship (not because I'd be pissed off for him looking, but looking is the beginning of the end imo).

[Iloveme30]

We share passwords for phones bank cards everything really 😂 apart from a bit of porn never saw anything on dh phone but I'd be concerned if he became secretive. I think marriage should be an open book
I don't look for the porn by the way but if I google something it might be in his history list 🙄🙄🙄🙄 after 5 years I've grown used to it there's far worse he could be doing 🤷‍♀️ used to get odd at the start but it's harmless with my dh anyways he always has his phone lying around regularly heads off to bed without his phone etc so ya I don't see why not , and obviously I'd have no issue with him opening my phone to use it

[PickAChew]

I don't need to use his phone anyhow. Mine is always in my pocket and it's not I can email or text someone from me on it.

[PickAChew]

DH and I don't have each other's. He has work stuff on his phone, anyhow.

I have ds1's passwords on a folded piece of paper in case he needs intervention.

[PercyKirke]

DW and I know PINs and passwords to all our devices. Why wouldn't we?

[Notjustabrunette]

We know each other’s in our house, we sometimes need to use each other’s phones.

[purplemunkey]

We haven’t purposefully ‘shared’ with each other but anytime either of us has needed to use each other’s phone we just say the PIN number. DH has a good memory so probably remembers mine, I’d have to be reminded.

Putting a PIN on you phone is a basic security measure but it’s no massive secret from each other. Having said that - I do think I’d find it a bit odd if DH suddenly said one day ‘I think I should have your phone PIN’ for no particular reason. I’d think he planned on checking up on me - I’ve nothing to hide it I don’t think I’d like him riffling through my bag just cos he felt like it either. It’s my stuff!

[Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese]

Dh and I have each others, usually because we grab the nearest phone when we want to check something/call someone.

I don't think there's a reason to have it, but equally there's no reason not to have it. Its just different people have different bounderies.

[sammylady37]

Woe betide the man who thinks he should have access to my phone. I would never be happy with someone having the pin for it. It’s not that I need anything to be kept secret, but I do value my privacy and that of those who message/email me. Also I would not tolerate someone who didn’t trust me. If they trot out the “trust issues from the past” line they’ll be told to go work on them pretty sharpish and not to make me pay for someone else’s actions

[AuntieStella]

We shared, just for convenience.

It didn't even occur to me that there would be anything on there he wouid not want me to see. Not that I go looking.

Password protection is to keep miscreants out. I'm not a miscreant (from his pov- you lot can make your own minds up)

[Wallywobbles]

We do. And thumb prints. Actually we share a password app so I have access to pretty much everything and visa versa. Never met anyone I trust as much.

[joystir59]

We had (past tense as DW died recently) each other's pin codes, and used each others phones to Google stuff, take photos, but never to check up on each other because we trusted each other