Online dating red flags

[BilboBercow]

I feel like this may have been done but I feel so jaded by online dating at the moment and I'm constantly seeing red flags to the point that I'm wondering if it's just me? Would you see the below list as a no-no?
No picture of themselves (obviously)
"Not sure what I'm looking for but I'll know when I find it" - I'll string you along then say I didn't promise you anything
"Are there any normal women out there?"
"Not into vanilla" - can't ejaculate unless I'm hurting you
"I don't like women who wear lots of makeup" - I'm controlling
"Need someone to keep me on my toes" - will treat you like shit and blame you for it

Feel free to add your own. Also feel free to tell me I'm being silly. My ex was abusive so sometimes I worry now that I overanalyse everything.
I also saw a guy today saying "I value loyalty so if you've had more men than hot dinners swipe left" and my initial reaction was "fuckity bye"

[GaraMedouar]

Yikes - - what am I letting myself in for? Just want someone normal !

[firecracker69]

A few years ago, I was contacted by a man who for some reason thought I was into dominating men. He literally begged me, to be his mistress. Now, I've had this a few times online, nothing surprises me anymore..... however, this one was a little different. He was dressed as a goodamn pig. Head to toe / trotter in pale pink pvc. Complete with a curly tail butt plug, snout and piggy ears. It's sounds absolutely ridiculous as I'm writing this but it's true. 🐽🐷

[Year2020]

I love what I am reading here... I was contacted by so many men into fetish. The last one was looking for women to dress up as school girls. What the fuck? A man in his late 50s, divorced but looking for a long term relationship.

I now make sure to state on my profile that I am not into fetish...

[MikeUniformMike]

What was Deirdre's mum called? Blanche Something? I'm more like her.

[firecracker69]

I find pictures of semi naked men a tad repulsive. Especially if they're in bed..... or pretending to be asleep. Why? Just had a message from a bloke whose pic was him in the tiniest Speedos possible, departing the sea, with seawater dripping down his body. And he was old enough to be my dad. I'm 50 too. No!!!!

[GaraMedouar]

Thanks ravenmum

[GaraMedouar]

Ok thanks MikeUniformMike - I might have to look at others profiles for ideas - I have no idea - you know just someone normal, nice to chat with. Boring stuff - and I’m not exciting myself - middle aged single mum, overweight , grey hair - I know how to sell myself! There’s a dating thread isn’t there - I’ll pop over there. All a bit scary , but I need to push myself.

[ravenmum]

Your profile could include some of the things you like doing, or don't like doing - e.g. sports/no sports, cinema, watching TV or whatever. It doesn't have to be witty or even describe your character really.
As an example, if you like nothing better than sitting in watching Coronation Street of an evening, are a huge fan and want someone who'll sit with you, then call yourself DeirdreBarlow as a name. If that puts off people who hate Coronation Street, then that's great. And fellow fans will notice you straight away. (As I say, just an example :) )
Mention that you are just looking for someone to have the odd meal with or whatever.
Read some other people's profiles and see what they have written.

[MikeUniformMike]

Don't use your real name Gara.

Write a bit about yourself and what you're looking for.

[GaraMedouar]

I’m about to step into the scary world of OLD. Which app is good? (I’m early fifties, single mum- so not looking for marriage , any more kids etc - just the odd evening date for dinner/drink - I haven’t spoken to a man for practically 4 years since ex left) - I think Tinder and Bumble are free?
Also - I have no idea how to write a profile, I’m not witty or anything - just need the simplest possible - presumably too you don’t use your real name?

[StoneFacedCrone]

@iamthrough

mmm I did try and keep an open-minded with the carious Apps but a few red flags that I stuck too.
No Brexit-iers/Re-mainers - Shows me that you're opinionated and would expect any partner to have the exact same views as them.
Profiles with only group photos - How am I supposed to know which one you are??
Anyone claiming to be doting Father - as they were probably the exact opposite. Good Dads don't need to advertise the fact.

I find the political ones very useful. No way would I want to date someone who is eager for the country to pursue a self damaging path that badly affects my family and friends. I've images on my profile and words that make it clear where I stand. It should weed out the time wasters but how many darn well bother with reading a profile?

Other red flags for me are: posing with a drink dodgy wallpaper and decor in the background naked tops photo apparently taken in the bath *

[Mumteedum]

@Iooselipssinkships I think if a man interpreted some of those the way you suggest I'd be grateful if he swiped left! Frigid is a horrible misogynistic word. No hookups is fine to state for men and women!

[LilMissRe]

guys that say they have "no crazy exes and no drama"

they usually do, and in most cases, caused the drama

[Iooselipssinkships]

I imagine 'red flags' for men, or at least their interpretations as;

'Curvy' - she's fat
'Enjoys finer things in life' - expects a gifted Gucci bag because it's a Monday
'Not looking for hook ups' - frigid
'I'm passionate' - slag
Profile pic of just their head/face - fat
'Likes cuddles and snuggles' - clingy
Profile pic with group of friend - ugliest one
Inspirational quotes or memes - needy
Profile pic of just cleavage - a dude
'Feminist' - hates men
'Environmentalist' - doesn't wash
'Likes sport, especially football/rugby/darts' - I'll send you a message just to patronise you about this

etc etc

[Iooselipssinkships]

When after a few messages back and forth they start sending angry faces and gun emojis because you've taken too long to respond. Shit myself and he worked half a mile from where I lived.

[firecracker69]

I really could add hundreds of comments on this post, it's quite addictive. 😂

Messages like this: "You're way out of my league and I know I've more chance winning the lottery than getting a reply from you but I've got nothing to lose. Do you fancy a cruise?"

1. I prefer men who are happy in their own skin and have a healthy dollop of self esteem.
2. It's not a competition. There's no goddam "league." I'd like an equal not a weak man who deems himself beneath me.
3. I don't care for piss poor attempts at reverse psychology. Stating that I won't message is not going to make me think.... "ooooh I'll show him."
4. I'm not a gold digger. I earn a decent wage of my own.
5. Why would anyone go on a cruise with a complete stranger?
6. Why would anyone offer to take a complete stranger on a cruise?
7. I have horrendous travel sickness anyway.....

I could go on..... 🤣🤣🤣

[Wavescrashingonthebeach]

Also, if his profile says 39, it means he is really 42, and you wont find out until you move in together. Because 'women dont want to date anyone over 40'.
Yes, this really happened. Thank God he's long gone!!!!!

[overacupcoffee]

@Fairycake2

This post has truly made me 😂 and I've been nodding along to pretty much every comment.

Can't believe no-one has mentioned pictures with men holding fish though. WTF are they about?!

Love it!

[TossACoinToYerWitcher]

@Eesha According to a survey a few years ago men actually don’t appear to be as bothered about height as women: around half said they’d happily date a woman taller than them compared to 70%(!) of women who said they wanted a man over 6ft (average male height was found to be 5ft 10). You’re right though, height was found to be the most appealing physical feature, more than good looks, grooming, etc. Link here: pressreleases.responsesource.com/news/78278/nationwide-survey-height-is-the-biggest-sex-factor/

[StarryUnicorn]

I wonder what women write on their profiles that men see as red flags also

I think many would be surprised at how similar they are, have seen (non-ironic) fish, though that's pretty rare. I think the female equivalent of the fish photo is probably the horse photo.

One not mentioned that is surprisingly common is photo of woman dressed in tweed holding a shotgun, nothing more romantic than someone who kills defenseless animals for entertainment...

Other than that I think I have seen examples of pretty much everything mentioned in the thread.

[summersolstice43]

What is it with the guys who have their age set on there then their profile says 'I'm actually "insert number"'

And I've just had the weirdest one, some guy messages me, 12 years older than me but looks about 70, fat, bald, full grey beard, no common interests at all - his message says 'hi, please message me back I really like you' I ignore it so 5 mins later I get 'well fuck you then you rude cow' ouch lol

[ravenmum]

Lots of stories on here, though, about people who went online looking for a FWB and ended up married with children :) Going into it with no expectations and dating men you might not have considered if only looking for something serious can occasionally have some nice side-effects.

[eatsleepread]

@Redland12

If you're only looking for sex, then I can see why you're not struggling! It's not hard to come by, and I personally always rejected the gorgeous young things. They're not going to be interested in an older woman for any other reason. If that's what you want though, then good on you and good luck! 👍

For those of us who want something a bit more deep and meaningful, the struggle is real!
It's also difficult to keep the positive, excited mood going when the novelty of dating has worn off.

[GingerBeverage]

My SIL found her lovely husband OLD by simply changing her height preference down a couple of inches.

[summersolstice43]

@Eesha That's a good point actually. At least I understand the importance of height on these sites now. I'd be happy to find a genuine guy who's not a wanker to be honest