Female friend keeps me a secret from Husband

[Leftoverloaf]

Hello, first time posting here so I hope it's ok! I met this girl through work a few weeks ago and we have continued to talk via text over a number of weeks and have become extremely good friends. Just two people with a lot in common!

We are both in long term relationships, in fact, she is married for 7 years. However, she has kept me a secret from her husband for some unknown reason. Her husband is very neutral and is not the jealous type at all. In fact, she has disclosed some very personal information to me (Essentially that they have a non existent sex life). Our texts at times, also become very flirtatious, telling each other how much we fancy each other, what would happen if we weren't with other people etc. etc.

We video a few times a week and just catch up with each other and talk about our shared interests. I'm now reaching the point where I am starting to develop feelings towards her. Which makes me a B***D I know. I would break off my current relationship in the event things between me and this friend progressed into anything 'further' and to be honest, my current relationship has been on a downward slope for months...

As far as I am aware, she is 100% committed to our FRIENDship and isn't looking for anything else. So I'm really looking for some advice here. I would like to tell her the way I feel but I'm worried that would kill the friendship dead, and I definitely don't want that. But as you can imagine I'm left speculating how she really feels due to the way we talk, how she keeps me a secret and the often flirtatious nature of our conversations.

Has anyone experienced something similar before? Thank you for any advice in advance, this has been boggling my mind for weeks!

[crazycatlady20]

OP have you told us partner about your new friendship? sorry if I've missed it.

I agree with others if your current relationships isnt great, id fix it or end it before starting to get involved with anyone else.

[Notimefor]

Ugh.. just horrible behaviour...

[willowmelangell]

There are 3 people in that marriage. Trouble is, only two people know it.
Make a decision on your own dp relationship. Stay and commit or leave no regret.

[SoulofanAggron]

I was astounded by this from a reliable sourcepsychotherapist.

@heresmybogusname You don't know what that person's bias etc is. It could be that they're justifying/trying to normalize their own or friends' behaviour.

My ex was a therapist and he used to lie his arse off about all sorts of things, and give 'authoritative' verdicts that were to justify his own behaviour.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@Crazychild

I was told a huge percentage of men do experiment with gay sex

Complete bollocks

[Weetabixandcrumpets]

It is very easy and very tempting to get close to someone else in this way when you aren't happy in your relationship. If you were, you wouldn't even consider it.
I always believe that you should have the guts to finish the relationship you are currently in before you start any other. You can't have your cake and eat it in this scenario.
So either cut this out and work on your current relationship, or finish your current relationship and then see what else is waiting for you.

[Crazychild]

I was told a huge percentage of men do experiment with gay sex

Complete bollocks

[AgentJohnson]

So - she's keeping you a secret, but you've told your partner all about her, right?

This

[MojoJojo71]

i would break off my current relationship in the event things between me and this friend progressed into anything 'further'

Coward, end your relationship now if it means this little to you, waiting until you have another bed to get into is despicable

[oohnicevase]

Yeah it's just the speed of it all that surprised me .. zero to potentially leaving their current partner in 7 weeks .. 😬

[heresmybogusname]

@oohnicevase

If you are both female I'm trying to work out how you went from friendship to admitting you fancy each other in 7 weeks .. 😬😬.. fast moving in any situation especially if you are in hetro relationships!

Many straight people dabble
I was told a huge percentage of men do experiment with gay sex,
I was astounded by this from a reliable sourcepsychotherapist.
Op sort your life out make a decision.

[oohnicevase]

If you are both female I'm trying to work out how you went from friendship to admitting you fancy each other in 7 weeks .. 😬😬.. fast moving in any situation especially if you are in hetro relationships!

[oohnicevase]

I'm confused , are you female or male ? Def an emotional affair though . Isn't it obvious that's why she is keeping you a secret ??

[backinaminute]

Does your partner know you're having regular video chats and flirty texts with someone you met 'a few weeks ago'?

Are they fine with that?

[kennyjenny]

Doesn't sound like a friendship to me, sounds like a beginning of an affair.

She won't leave her husband for you. She's playing you. You're her dirty little secret.
Do the right thing and sort your relationship out first which ever way that is.

[Villanemme]

Crikey if you have any feelings at all for your current partner please tell them that you are only staying with them until someone better gives you the green light. Don't string them along for your own selfish needs.

[Kittykat93]

Why would she tell her husband about the person she's having am affair with

[famousforwrongreason]

@Somethingkindaoooo

Right...

OP- you are a cliche.

Your relationship is on a downward spiral, so instead of:
1) putting energy into fixing it
2) leaving your current partner

You choose to:
A)Treat your current partner with contempt. So, she can keep you warm until your 'friend' makes up her mind? Can you not be on your own? Are you unable to be unsupervised, like a small unruly child?
B) Help someone else lie to hers- this treating HIM with contempt

Grow up OP.
If you want to be with someone else, fine. You are free to do so- just grow up, and stop being a dishonest ass to your current partner.

Shame.

Seriously op. Regardless of your emotional affair with this married woman, you are being unkind staying with someone you're not interested in.
End this depressing relationship and let your partner have freedom to be with someone who actually cares. Or even just so she can enjoy being away from a gutless cheat like you.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Just two people with a lot in common!

100% bullshit.

[differentnameforthis]

There is only one reason to keep someone a secret from your spouse, and that is because they are a threat to the relationship.

I don't think your mind is boggling, I think you want us to give you an ego boost.

[user1481840227]

This is without a doubt an emotional affair.
That's why it's secret.
It's not rocket science.

Have a bit of respect for your current partner and end the relationship, you already have one foot out the door. Let her find someone else who loves and appreciates her properly.

[VanGoghsDog]

So - she's keeping you a secret, but you've told your partner all about her, right?

[vixxo]

Errr....she is keeping you a secret because you are having an emotional affair? You need to end your current relationship.

[Ohnoherewego62]

@Honestlyitstrue, you don't need to live so unhappily. Because of your affair, it must seem like you owe them something. It can't be to the detriment of your mental health.

I'm usually very much confess your sins sort but if there's no chance the other halves will find out, then why not live a happy life for yourself and leave your partner if its not working out.

[ktp100]

This isn't fair to either your partner or hers.

You're being a douche, and so is she!

Whatever happens with the 'friend' you're having a silly little 'emotional affair' with (flirty texts, what are you, 14?) you need to break things off with your partner. They deserve better than someone who wants to be with someone else.