He says he already moved on and asking me to move on but all i was doing is to learn to make it work

[sravani0]

Hello,
I'm in a relationship with a muslim guy since almost three years now. We are going through a tough time since 5 months as he wants me to get converted in order to continue relationship and to marry me. I'm an hindu and i did not agree to him. I asked him to accept me the way i am. He said it is mandatory for me to a muslim to marry him. We stopped talking to each other almost for a month and I realised i can not live like this and i want to go for it. I have been doing research about islam. I have asked many of friends to understand it. Today i texted in stating that I'm ready to take this step. I even talked to my mother and she is okay with it. To my surprise, he is now saying that he moved on and asking me to move on too.
Now i am all more than just broken. I dnt know what to do. I was really hoping that he would be happy with my decision but he is moving on now. I am begging him to forgive me for telling him to accept me the way i am or move on. But for me it is a big step and it took time for me to take this step. Now he says he dont want to do it and moved on already. I'm clueless and my whole world is falling down

[Bunnymumy]

OP you posted this two months ago, he was a cruel bastard then an he is still a cruel bastard. Not saying you should be over it by now but...I would have hoped that it had sank in by now that you are well shot of him. Stop looking at his social media. Block him, block her and onwards and upwards. Otherwise I am concerned that the notion might take him one day to come back sniffing around you for what else he can take and you'll let him. Only to be heartbroken again.

Let him be yesterdays news already op.
He isn't worth any more headspace.

[NotaCoolMum]

I know it’s hard but he’s made it VERY clear to you that he’s moved on. He sounds like a bit of a dick anyway.

[category12]

It's upsetting but in time, if you give yourself a chance to move on, you'll realise this is a bullet dodged and you can have a happy life without him.

Stop chasing him, block all contact, and grieve. In a while, you'll feel more like yourself again. No man is worth this.

[THisbackwithavengeance]

Oh sweetheart.

It's so hard isn't it?

You need to sit yourself down. Acknowledge the pain of the break up. Tell yourself that this is the worst you can feel and you can survive this. Be reassured that as every day goes by, you will start to feel better and stronger. Take pride and solace in your own lovely religion and culture and don't destroy your own family to marry this man who is only a Muslim when he suits him.

He is not a good person and in your heart of hearts you know that. You have lost only your pride and that can be rebuilt. There are lots of lovely Hindu men out there who will accept you as you are. I also know plenty of Hindu and Sikh girls married to (white) English men who are fantastically happy and didn't have to change one aspect of themselves.

I really wish you the best.

[alwayscrashinginthesamecar1]

You really, really need to step away from this situation now. He doesn't want you, somehow you need to accept that. And stalking his social media isn't going to help.

[KatherineJaneway]

You need a clean break from him. Stop looking up what he is seeing or doing or it will be much harder and take longer to move on

[sravani0]

Now he is in new relationship. And he blocked me everywhere. I keep checking his profile every now and then . He never used to express or write anything about love when he was with me. Now he became world's best lover and writing all about love and how much he loves her. I am just unable to take this. 3years .. 3 good years. I loved him to the core and he loved me too but never used to say any word nor show anything to make me feel special. I asked him many times to come on Instagram but he used to day he doesn't like all that social media apps. Now he created one and with his and her birthday date included. Wow he was never this sweet person with me. Not even for a joke. Now he is expressing posting love quotes to her and i just cant believe its him..

[piscean10]

Stop harassing this man. He told you to move on, so move it along. It's not acceptable what you are doing.

[Sugartitties]

@ahsan you realise you can’t control another person right?

shame on you

[Onestepup]

OP, please listen to all the good advice on here. Otherwise you will waste years of your life going round in circles.

Your ex has not been there for you unconditionally. He was not prepared to change his religion, but unfairly expected it of you. You've been far too apologetic for daring to have your own ideas and opinions. He is not going to come back to you, change his personality or apologise.

You have got stuck in a negative loop and need to break out of it so you can rejoin the rest of the world. If you don't feel strong enough (your self-esteem does sound low) see your GP or a counsellor/therapist accredited by the BACP.

[rvby]

@sravani0

He has done something quite ordinary, something that happens all the time especially with men from traditional families.

I'm sure he loved you very much, but you were never wife material. The conversion demand was an excuse. He wanted a woman from his own ethnic and religious group, someone who would fit easily into his family. He wants to marry someone who will please his parents and won't cause waves.

I presume that he was ok to break up with you because he was, all along, knowing that the relationship between you was a pastime, not a potential marriage.

He was being nice to you and saying he still loves you etc because he was hoping to keep the door open to have you as a mistress.

A man who wants to marry a woman doesn't abandon her when she is pregnant, he doesn't demand anything from her, he doesn't change his mind. This man did all those things. I'm very sorry but you were naive, this was never going to work.

No matter how much you "solve" all the problems that you see standing between him and you (religion, parents permission, etc.) he just doesn't want to marry you and he probably never did. That's not your fault, it's just the way it is, it's something you need to accept with dignity and your head held high.

You are 24, so young. In this situation, you need to learn that "I love you" is not a contract. He owes you nothing and you have absolutely no right to harass and stalk him, to phone his fiancee at work, to demand anything from him or any of his loved ones.

You need to be careful, you're going to end up in court/jail if you continue in this way. Or in a violent situation with him, if you continue to threaten and harass him, go to his home, upset his fiancee and so on, he may eventually make good on his threat and seriously hurt you in order to protect himself.

Leave him alone and try to learn the lesson that no-one, no matter whether you "gave" them your virginity, or had an abortion, or were so understanding to them, or agreed to convert, etc. etc. etc., none of those things cause him to owe you a marriage or even a conversation. YOU chose to continue a relationship with him, when he was making it very clear to you, for a long time, that he didn't respect you very much.

Next time, get your head out of the fantasy and instead watch what is happening in front of you. I believe most of your problems come from imagining things that aren't there - this is familiar to me, I was like this at 24 and it landed me in a toxic marriage.

[LastInTheQueue]

Believe it or not, he’s actually done you a favour. You should never covert to another religion to appease someone. Do it if you believe in it, by all means, but not for someone else. Especially not for someone who met you and started a relationship knowing that you were different religions - if it didn’t matter at the beginning, why should it matter now?

[Anotheronetwo]

I agree with a previous poster. Ask your GP for a referral for some counselling to deal with the end of your relationship. It sounds very tough, with the abortion as well, and you need someone to talk to.
And don't contact him anymore. If you keep using the work system to do this, you could lose your job.

[HandbagDog]

OP, you’ve behaved in completely mad and deluded ways, and you should be thanking your lucky stars this man dumped you. You sound very young and naive, and in your shoes I would take a break from relationships and work on my self-esteem.

[KatherineJaneway]

OP - he was never going to marry you. You were someone to sleep with and have fun with until he was ready to marry. Sorry to be harsh, but it is true.

You have behaved irrationally and unprofessionally and you need to step back and leave him alone or you may have consequences to face.

Please block him and walk away. Get some counselling

[ahsan]

Move on understand the pain the guy is not worth it and trust me you will not be getting married he’s messing with you big time

[Lifeislikeaboxofchocolat]

OP I totally understand how hurt you must feel, but this is becoming quite obsessive in the way you’re dealing with the situation. I see you have posted previously numerous times and it’s not getting any better for you.
I feel for you I really do, but as hard as it’s going to be you have to be brave and move on. I would hate for this to turn so nasty that the police may be involved for harassment charges and you be in trouble with work with a potential job loss.
Move on and find someone that loves and respects you for being you. X

[TicTac80]

Whoa, so in the past month, you FB stalked him and his new girlfriend....and then stalked her at work (where you work in HR), called her (during work time), made her add your ex to a conference call (again, at work) and had it out with him?! You then bombarded him with text-messages, went uninvited to his parents' place to tell them everything?! Yikes.

You could get yourself in serious trouble if you carry on doing this stuff (with work as well as with the police). He is NOT worth it!!

Others have said it, and I will say it too: you've had a bloody lucky escape. Seriously, you have. You won't see that now, but I promise you that one day you will. Block this guy, stay away from him. Block the girlfriend, stay away from her. Stay away from his parents' place. It sounds like you had a toxic rollercoaster of a 3yr "relationship", and it sounds like he treated you like utter shite. You will not change him, or change his mind about going back to you: all the love in the world won't change him (trust me on that one).

I sound like I'm being really harsh....I'm not. The guy sounds like a complete tool. Focus on your friends, your family and getting over this.

[NativeAustralian]

Sorry OP, lots of smoke and mirrors with this one. Think you have had a lucky escape really. The conversion was just a delaying tactic,hes not trustworthy and has behaved badly. I know it hurts like hell but he's no good,hes shown who he is,believe him.

[ahsan]

I’m Muslim would never allow my son to marry someone who believed in several gods he knew this from the start but continued with you anyway

[ahsan]

Your wasting your time, Muslim men only marry Muslim women or ones that will convert. They will never marry a Hindu never meaning never as you believe in several gods wheereas Christian believe in one. Was never. Going to happen will never happen you’ve been used sorry. He told his parents they would be horrified that’s why he hasn’t told them

[sravani0]

Hello people. Hope everyone is doing fine in this pandemic.

I (24years) was in a relationship with a guy (28years) for 3years. From this year February we have been going through alot of disturbances regarding the future as i am an hindu and he is a muslim. He strictly said he can only marry me if I convert. Without nikah the marriage is not accepted in his religion. I was not really ready to take that step since I am not in a religious person nor do I believe in god. Initially I told him to accept me as I am and asked him that we will do registered marriage but he was not agreeing and sticked to only one thing that is i have to convert. After alot of discussions I decided to end this as it is not gng to work out and asked him to move on. He said he cant leave me and asking me to think about what he said. Though i asked him to move on and decided to end this relationship I couldn't do that as well. Since feb, we used to text each other very rare than usual. He used to text me saying he misses me and loves me and waiting for me to think about what he said. I used to text him the same. And on may 30th he text me stating he cant leave without me and said he is waiting for a miracle to happen and my mind to change. I wanted him too but not at the cost of loosing myself. I also told him that I am ready for the conversion but asked him to give me some liberal to live my life the way I want and not to put restrictions as every muslim family do usually. He said he cant promise on that and restrictions are must. With these words i was too afraid to accept the conversion. That is why I told to put an end to the relationship. I also told him that I will also be waiting for him to come and hold my hand and accept me the way I am. Neither of us were moving on. We were stuck at our own decisions to take the relationship further. After may 30th he didnt text me. I texted him on june 2nd saying i really love him and I'll be waiting for him to take a decision. He ignored and I had been doing research and seeking advice from muslim frnds regarding the conversion. After which i have decided to convert and told him my decision on june 16th. To my surprise he said he moved on already. I was willing to do everything what he said because he is not taking any step hence i thought i will take a step to keep this relationship. I was really looking forward to see him happy by hearing my decision but he only said he moved on and asked me to move on. He said its better we marry the ones our parents choose and our relationship is not going to work out and there would be a lot of complications. I kept requesting him not to do this and begged him not to move on. The next day i called him and he said he is going to get married soon. After listening to this I rushed to his place and we met near his home. I was trying my best to sort things out . I asked him to give me a second chance as I pushed him away saying i will not convert. Though it was not my mistake. Am I wrong in expecting my man to marry me the way I am without converting me ? But I was ready to do everything for our marriage. He was not giving me any reason for moving on. He just says i moved on and you should move on too. He said if its meant to be, time will put everything back together and he asked me to go back home. I was waiting for a month for him to text me. I used to call and text him but he blocked me everywhere. When I stalked his fb from my brothers facebook, there was a new girl who reacted to his cover picture which i felt something suspicious. I opened her account and see that she works in the same company as well. I and him work in the same company.

Now the important part is: He once told me that I don’t have any rights on him when I last met him. He didn’t allow me to hold his hand when i tried too when i last met him. His whatsapp status always shows online, his number will always be busy in odd times whenever i tried to contact him from my family members phone since he blocked my number. I got promoted in the meanwhile to HR operations role. I shared this thing with him via office chat group and he ignored it completely. He didn’t even congratulate me. I felt something fishy. I could sense there is some other girl in his life but I blamed myself for assuming things since I know the kind of a person he is. I believed he wouldn’t go for another girl , atleast this soon.
After checking this girls account, i felt like she must be in his life. She almost gave love reaction to all of his recent pictures he uploaded on his FB. I texted him on our office chat bridge since I had no other source of communication. I asked him if she is the reason behind leaving me without a proper explanation? Is she in his life. I asked him many questions yet he ignored everything. My world started falling down my heart was aching. I requested him to let me know the truth so that I can move on and do not be stuck like this. He ignored. I had no other way other than calling the girl. I took her number from our workstation. I called her and introduced myself as his girlfriend and asked if she knew him. She said yes. I asked if they are in relationship for which she denied in the beginning to tell saying its private. But after speaking to her and explaining my problem, she concluded that they are in relationship since two months and their parents spoke to get them married. I was dead. Couldn’t speak a word. I told her to call him once and put him on conference. She did what i requested. I spoke to him in sorrow, angry. I asked him why didn’t he tell me the truth when i was begging him. He just says he moved on and yes he loves her and wants to continue with her. I couldn’t say anything other than disconnecting the call. I couldn’t get over this and was still thinking he might accepted this marriage for family for religion. I kept texting him all day and night. I was asking him to break this match and come back since we love eachother and he cant do that to me. I was under impression that he is doing all this to forget me and do not have guts to talk at home about us. I didn’t sleep the whole night and in the morning i kept calling him but he blocked my number. I decided to go to his home and confess everything to his parents so that they might understand us and accept our love. I went to his home and spoke to his parents. His dad said its between me and him so you guys talk and decide what to do. I asked his parents who is this new girl and they say we thought of fixing this match but it didn’t work out. I don’t understand why these guys are in contact then. I went back home and he called me and said he is coming to meet me with the new girl. I asked him what is the problem. Religion problem is sorted, parents problem is sorted( my parents accepted our love as well) and why are you still asking me to move on. He said he doesn’t have feeling for me and asked me to move on. He yelled at me for coming to his home and he was threatening me that if i ever call him again he is gonna break my ass. He gave bad words and so did I. I vent out my pain and anger for not telling me the truth and leaving me just like that in 15days. I gave myself to him. I gave my virginity and I also had an abortion where he left me and came back a year ago. After all this, he just left me now and in a new relationship with a new girl. Just in 15days of not talking to each other. I’m all broken and I couldn’t get over this.

[RantyAnty]

This isn't the first time I've heard of very religious men doing this.

It's very hurtful now, but some day you'll realise he did you a favour by leaving. You don't have to give up your religion for anyone.

There is a good man out there for you. One that will love and cherish you and see you as equal.

[Bunnymumy]

OP you have your answer. So delete and block him from everything perminantly and choose to move on with your life.

He was a massive asshole.

What would you tell a friend if she had been treated this badly by some jerk?

It's time you do right by yourself.
Treat yourself better.