How to almost-NC with mum without drama?

[BringPizza]

My mum is a selfish, conniving, manipulative cow, always has been and likely always will be. She's quite a twisted, bitter person and can't bear to see anyone happy, everyone else is an idiot and wrong, even down to her poor neighbour who recently lost her husband and is grieving all wrong apparently.

Things have come to a head and I have sent a 'I need a break from you' kind of text message, civil and to the point but not abusive. I'm not going into all the details on here because frankly it would take all flipping day.

I've had radio silence (other than a message from a family member who clearly means well but is too far removed to know what's actually been going on) but am expecting a torrent of emotional blackmail very soon.

I have 2 DC (13 &14) who don't really care for her since they see how she treats me and DH, and plays favourites with them. I am expecting to be told she has the right to see my DC so what is the easiest way to let her without drama? I'm thinking of saying she can come and see them (c1hr drive and they have said they don't want dropping off at her house) but that will be it and we won't all be sitting round having lunch playing happy families.

I cba with dramas, I've had a lifetime of it from her and it's fucking wearing. I am quite happy to be civil and pass the time at family things but I have no desire to spend any time with her.

Does anyone have experience of a similar set up for DC visits, or ideas for a better solution please?

And please, I don't wish to be rude but I won't read or respond to replies saying I only get one mum and I will wish I'd made the effort etc, there is massive, massive history here and I am done.

[FizzyGreenWater]

No she doesn't have the 'right' to see them. At all. Especially not at 13 and 14.

At these ages, I would sit down with them and tell them you are done, and they know why, really. And say that it's likely that she'll start trying to make them feel guilty and want to see them. Tell them that if they want to keep contact, you're happy to help them out with whatever level of visit they want, but the red line is that she won't be coming to your home and you won't be around her. So -- dropping off at cafe, etc.

But - if they don't want contact, it is also fine for them to block her on phones/media etc and you will let her know that they don't want contact.

[WeveGottaGetTherouxThis]

@Windyatthebeach the children want a relationship with their grandparents (and vice verda), but I’ve told my husband that the first hint of them hurting the DC and the contact will stop. I understand why it looks like we’re offering them up, but the in laws do love the children very much. That has never been the issue. I don’t want to bore anyone with the details, but IL’s issues are very much with DH and I. They see the children very infrequently as it is.

[WeveGottaGetTherouxThis]

*versa