Writing When Sad

[QuiteSad]

Right now I am completely and utterly wrecked and ruined after an unexpected break-up. I know that time will heal and that I will be ok in the end but I am impatient and not prepared to wait for the end so I've been desperately searching for something that may soothe in the short term.

The one thing that I have found that works and really works (unlike wine which only pretend works) is writing. I have made a blog and I am recording my pain every day as if it were interesting.

Doing this has made me realise that I want to be a writer, not a professional, just a person who writes. I don't properly know why on top of that, I want people to read what I write. I do (rather selfishly) want to share my sadness but there is also something about the contact with strangers. It is comforting whilst not being oppressive like the sympathetic hugs from friends.

As time goes by I guess and hope that things will change - that I will change and that my reasons for writing will too. I do want though for this drive to stay.

I don't know why I am posting here, I tried to post this in Creative Writing but it is quiet there. I don't really want to talk about the break-up though - I want to write about that and talk about writing.

(So thank you for reading but feel completely free to ignore!)

[QuiteSad]

Thank you for the flowers and the interest backseat, I am my username right and it helps. I have sent a link.

I hope that you are ok and don't need distraction from anything too awful. for you too.

[backseatcookers]

Another one who would love a link to read, need some distraction tonight and you sound like a lovely writer

[QuiteSad]

iamnotagasbag Not a foot at all! I just needed to explain that these were only thoughts thought after the fact. Never once did I try to or consider being less me when we were together.

I've sent you a link banghead

[Sacredspace]

There’s something about others bearing witness to our pain that’s very helpful x

[iamnotagasbag]

I am sorry if I put my foot in it, you are still in grieving stage so I should have been more sensitive, i realise that now. I hope you start to feel better soon.
(Perhaps I am a gasbag sometimes after all!)

[bangheadhere40]

Pls may I have a link too

[QuiteSad]

iamnotagasbag (full name this time!) your interpretation re things not working is very fair given what I have written, I see that. It's just not actually how things were - I was entirely and completely comfortable and confident and myself when I was with him. I felt empowered and beautiful and safe. It is only now looking back, devastated and unclear that I am questioning everything. Looking to blame something, anything and particularly myself.

Thank you for clarifying about the paraphrasing, dialogue doesn't come naturally to me and is definitely something I would like to get better at. I will work on it.

I appreciate you taking the time to give me these thoughts. They are very welcome.

[iamnotagasbag]

No worries. I didn't refer to "why it ended" though, more why the relationship wasn't working, because it comes across in your writing that you lack confidence in who you are, and independence, and this can make it hard for someone to have relationship with you, as unfair as that sounds. I might be wrong. You referred to "too much me" with your love of mushrooms - but with the right person there could not be "too much" of you in that way : )

Re the paraphrasing it isn't to do with truth more to do with good dialogue - if you can remember what people actually say, the actual words they use, then the dialogue comes to life and you get a window into the soul of the person you are writing about - fictionalised obviously. It adds dimension to your writing, so that it isn't just your interpretation of a situation throughout a book, i think. Just my thoughts, though, feel free to discard or ignore. I will leave you in peace now!

PS I think my username says I am NOT a gasbag. (lighthearted)

[QuiteSad]

That isn't cheeky at all gasbag. Thank you for taking the time. I appreciate it.

I am not sure I will ever know anything more about why it ended though. He started seeing me differently, very suddenly and doesn't love me now (and probably never did). This is all I need to know and all that matters.

On the paraphrasing point - I don't trust even the clearest of memories to be accurate so I would never attempt to document things word for word or blow by blow. I think sometimes interpretation can be as honest as recall, it's just aiming at a different sort of truth.

And I am hoping to take the writing somewhere else. I am not sure where or how - and I do wonder if I value it as a distraction only, and will tire quickly once I am at peace when not distracted. We will see!

[iamnotagasbag]

I am going to say something cheeky and, I hope, encouraging. I think that you will look back at this and realise what went wrong with the relationship and it will help you find something better for you, when you are ready. And I also hope very much that you turn your writing into something else when you are ready, ie write for writing's sake. I love writing which starts with an off load from real life, then crafted into a book. The fact that you can off load so well is good, I think!

One thing - in one of your posts you paraphrased him and then said of course he'd say it better. Try to remember exactly what he said. Word for word. And what you said, word for word. So you are writing it with total recall.

Hope my comments are ok. Good luck with the healing and the writing

Oh actually one last thing - make sure he isn't identifiable if you think he wouldn't like that.

[QuiteSad]

Oh thank you cheezy, that is so kind of you to say. I am sorry it chimes though, I hope we both feel better soon

[cheezy]

QuiteSad your writing is just brilliant, it’s so heartfelt and it chimes so much with what I’ve experienced lately! Please keep going with it!

[QuiteSad]

I've sent you a link too iamnotagasbag

So far I have mostly just moped but I am hoping that with time I will start to explore more as I try and work things out (me things and general things). I want to track my progress and I aim to make myself better - whatever that may mean.

[iamnotagasbag]

On your blog do you just write about your feelings or do you talk about the relationship and real life things? You can send to me too if you like! I am interested.

[QuiteSad]

Sent and sent though the deathly silence from the previous posters doesn't bode well, hope I haven't traumatised anyone too much by inviting them to my ridiculously self-indulgent pity party!

I would like to acknowledge the fact that I am obviously extremely lucky and privileged and that my problems are very small fry in the grand scheme. This knowledge just doesn't really help right now so I am venting (whilst also knowing this).

[cheezy]

I would also like to read, if you want to share QuiteSad

[lockdownmadness]

@QuiteSad I would love to read if you can send me the link too?

[QuiteSad]

I have sent you a link Arthur

[QuiteSad]

Oh that is interesting Zaphod and it all makes sense. I think apart from the therapeutic element it is this which is making me cling to and focus so much on the writing. It really does seem to be the one good thing I can find amongst all the shit right now - the thought that I might get better at something.

[ArthurBloom]

I'd love to read it, please DM a link :)

[Zaphodsotherhead]

When I go back and re-read some of my books (I'm a novelist) I can tell which ones were written in heartbreak and which were written when I was more 'myself'. The thing that surprises me is that other people can't tell! No reviews say 'the author is clearly writing from experience here...' or anything like that.

But I am sure having had a range of emotional experiences makes you a better writer. I know a lot is in the imagination, but I can't think someone who married their childhood sweetheart at seventeen and whose life has been plain sailing from there on is going to have as much depth available to them to mine when they are writing fiction!

Get it all out, OP. When the heartbreak is all over it can be a useful thing to revisit, even if it's only to show how far you've come.

[QuiteSad]

I've DMed you RLEOM. Glad you understand the urge to get things on paper (or laptop screen).

[RLEOM]

I write a diary by hand, but only when I'm sad or need to offload. I'd be interested in reading your blog. 😊

[QuiteSad]

Oh Longshot! That is so sad but not in the pathetic sense. I am sorry you are in this place too. Or at least in a similar place.

Writing emails to him (even ones that he will never see) sounds like a very cathartic experience and I think you should continue for as long as you find it so. Don't worry for the moment about whether he may or may not see them. Just write.

[Longshotinthedark]

I have also broken up with the absolute love of my life and feel abject misery.
They have said that they love me but there is too much going on in their lives with family illness and their business for a relationship now.

I have set up a new email address and am writing to them.
I want to share my feelings with them and hope that in the future it will be possible to rekindle the relationship.

I am thinking that in the future I can share the login details with them, but in the meantime, I can write to them without impinging on their space.

I can't work out if this is sad and pathetic or decent.