What do you NOT look for in a partner?

[MrReece]

I would say someone who uses a lot of slang.

[Lolalovesroses]

Bad manners
Know it alls
Mummy’s boys
Macho men
Drinking to excess
Philanderers
Beards
Negativity
Overweight
Conspiracy Theories
Racists
Hypochondriacs

[Hopeisnotastrategy]

Mean spiritedness, in every sense.

[megrichardson]

Nasty moods
nose/feet/ear/picking and eating it
failure to wash
farting
eating noisily
greed but also tight with money
thinking it's funny to take the piss out of perfectly nice people
pisses on and around toilet and leaves it there
selfish/focused on own needs

probably more

[Terralee]

Being an addict
Being tight
Being a fascist
Being unkind

[AnotherElle]

Being miserable, not able to take a joke, grumpy, negative or just taking themselves too seriously.

[thepeopleversuswork]

Glitterbubbles I know what you mean. I find generally that the insistence on their particular leisure "thing", whatever it may be (fishing/cycling/gaming/DJing) always ends up getting elevated to a quasi religious importance once the man is in a relationship.

I have no problem at all with men having leisure pursuits and in fact I think I would find one without any at all a turn-off. But I think men's tendency to carve out their "thing" as something which must be prioritised over the rest of the family and their needs is something society indulges far too much and it often ultimately comes at the detriment of their relationships.

It's no surprise that women have tended to indulge their hobbies far less (and I know there are notable exceptions) because often they don't have time or when they do their OHs get resentful of "her" thing being given priority over "his" thing.

So if I met someone who said to me "football is a huge priority for me" very early on it might be a bit of an amber flag. Not because I'd have a problem with football per se but because it could well be a sign that in five years time football would encroach into your life in a way you'd start to really hate.

[Hoppinggreen]

lots of things but my 4 absolute No No's are
Smoker
Cruel to animals
beards
sexism

[Glitterbubbles]

I should say, I would struggle to be with someone who spent a significant amount of time doing anything for leisure to the detriment of other aspects of their life e.g. social, work, romantic life, health

[Glitterbubbles]

Curious about the gaming aspect - as a gaming woman who is in a relationship with a non-gamer man. I don’t spend much time playing games on a day to day basis but there can be days where I do spend a lot of time gaming. Equally he binge watches TV from time to time which I’m not interested in. I uphold all my responsibilities in the home and hold down a full time job, and have a healthy social life.
Is the problem with gaming more to do with people who are obsessive about gaming to the point where it stops them from leading a “normal” life rather than gaming itself? I agree I would struggle to be with someone who spent a significant amount of time gaming.
This isn’t meant to be defensive, just interested!

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I am never ever looking for another partner.

Every one I've had has seemed great at first and then the stuff starts creeping out of the woodwork. They don't all show their true colours at first, and some of them wait until you well enmeshed before they let their real selves out to play.

I'm sticking with my dog, thank you very much.

[thepeopleversuswork]

Stupidity and lack of intellectual curiosity
Hyper-machismo (muscles/obsessive working out)
"Traditional" ideas about women and their role in society (ie that they should be subserviant)
Lack of motivation to do anything in their leisure time except watch TV/gaming
Self-centredness

[SistemaAddict]

I'd add: doesn't do Christmas.

[Nicolastuffedone]

Fat
Smoker
Debt
Swearing
Poor hygiene......thankfully my DH is the polar opposite of this

[NoMoreDickheads]

Yep, drugs, nastiness to waiters.

Misogyny/rape apologism etc, not just because it's ideologically annoying, but also that it's a red flag that they might be rapey or disrespectful.

[SistemaAddict]

Incapable of using cutlery correctly. My ex scraped his teeth along the tines of his fork. Eating with him was torture.

Brown shoes

Has no curiosity about the world

Doesn't read

Thinks all his exes were psycho bitches

Plus all the points above by pps

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

Right wing politics
Being a snob about accents and dialects
Talking to people working as waiters etc like dirt
Being into cars
Not thinking sex is an important part of a relationship
Thinking that reading is 'sad' or 'geeky'
Being religious
Denying the human impact on climate change
Being a morning person
Being a dog person
Thinking that golf is remotely interesting
Uses the word 'frankly'

I need to stop this now, I feel like I could go on forever

[Heatherjayne1972]

Not taking no for an answer
‘I want a picture of you naked’
‘No’
‘You don’t trust me etc etc ..’
(After 3 weeks)

Ew

[lennyhenryslaugh]

Gammons

[Redskylark]

No career aspirations/ motivation

Smoker/drugs

Someone who is obsessed with their phone

Someone who has no motivation to exercise or or be healthy or is obese

[ComtesseDeSpair]

Men with children. Couch potatoes. Those who think their views are the only true correct ones and everyone else needs putting right.

Otherwise, I’m pretty open minded. I never thought I’d pick DP if he was on paper, but it works so I’m glad I didn’t write him off.

[Jojobar]

Risk taking and/or addictive behaviours.

I realise my Ex had a lot of these, he had historically been someone who drank and did drugs to excess (teens), gambled to excess (twenties) and viewed excessive amounts of porn (thirties)

When I met him, this was all 'in the past' and it genuinely was, he does still smoke a small amount of cannabis and occasionally watches porn but doesn't drink, or gamble at all.

However that compulsion is still there, he was always looking for the next hit. I actually think that's why he ended up being unfaithful to me, because all his past relationships and his whole life involved doing things in secret, duplicity and concealment. I was the only one who knew all of it, hence he didn't have the high that he needed, that kick he got from of a) doing something he shouldn't and b) keeping it a secret from me.

[happinessischocolate]

Addicts
Gammons
Tory voters
Male chauvinists

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

If I were looking for a new partner he would have to be a natural optimist who likes cooking and is good at practical things, doesn't think housework is women's work, and doesn't drink much.

So I wouldn't want the polar opposite of all those.

[NoMoreDickheads]

Oh and being disrespectful/ not seeming to value me.

[mumsonthenet]

Addictions not deductions!