He's moved out and wants 50:50 custody of DD

[paperweight1992]

I've been advised to start a new thread as I had wrote on here asking for advice on a few issues but yesterday things took a turn for the worse and my Husband continued to call me even worse names and be even more aggressive and I couldn't take it anymore so I asked a family member to come and get me and DD.

(He'd been wasting our money and getting us into financial strain and then telling me it's none of my business, keeping us awake on shouting his console all night then sleeping all day, not doing a single thing around the house or with DD, and anytime I asked him for help or suggested he wasn't being very nice I got called every name under the sun including bitch, the C word and fat. Ever since the lockdown and him not working he just has turned absolutely vile, and I know everyone is probably having a few issues but honestly it was unbearable. I felt like I couldn't say anything to him or ask for any help because he'd just go absolutely nuts at me. The night before last I asked him to be quiet whilst he was gaming as he'd woken our DD, but he got so angry he came upstairs screaming and called me a bitch in front of her and was really aggressive.

He left the house and has gone to his moms for a while, so me and DD can have the house as obviously all of her stuff is here so it makes sense.

We've had absolutely no contact since yesterday and I've asked a family member of his if they will be the go between for a while until he cools down as I think if we speak any time soon he will just give me more abuse.

His family that I spoke to yesterday are implying he wants 50:50 custody of DD and whilst I am happy for him to see her, there's no way I'm happy with 50:50 custody. He has avoided her like the plague in this house, shown no interest in taking care of her and he hasn't had her for longer then 5 hours by himself since she was born. I'd be worried sick.

I couldn't sleep all night thinking that he's going to try and take her away from me today.

[pickingdaisies]

@paperweight1992 just sending a few more positive waves your way. I expect there'll be a few bad days that will hit out of the blue, but you know you are strong enough to ride then out now, and many many more good days to come with your lovely DD.

[billy1966]

Well done OP, you are one of the lucky ones.

But the key thing is, you made your own luck.

You realised it was a bad situation.

You pushed through it and got him out of your house.

And you have stood strong and have not backtracked.

You made this luck.

Wishing you every success going forward.

You are a great role model for your daughter.

Continue to grow stronger, strengthen your boundaries and take your time to process and grieve for the hopes you had in this relationship.

Then you will have closure.

Take your time.

[BrooHaHa]

Oh, that's excellent to hear. Well done you!

[cantarina]

Really glad to hear this OP, you sound so positive and so together. You are so strong for not falling into the trap of getting back into the relationship I'm sure it's tough for you on your own at the moment. You've done the right thing for you and your DD though.

[paperweight1992]

Hey everyone, for anyone following still, I'm okay.

I found out he used the car to collect his new bike, he didn't want to take his vehicle for various reasons.

He has given me the keys back to the house and the car now.

He's been seeing DD for an hour or two each day which has been fine. He's gone through the motions of acting like he doesn't care, buying me presents and saying sorry and telling me he will change, then being exactly how he was when I say I'm not interested. I've been kind to him and said I don't want to hurt his feelings but I'm not looking to progress this to a relationship again, my goal is successful co parenting.

There's been a few tough moments but generally me and DD are absolutely fine and she's being a dream bless her. I have to be honest, looking at the world right now it's safe to say I'm one of the lucky ones!

Thanks again for your support, I'm SO happy I did this.

[Oldraver]

OP can you ask the landlady ti change the locks ?

If you don't want him to take your car get a Disklok for it

[Vodkacranberryplease]

I will just quickly say - check underneath your car. Usually they put trackers on them, small magnetic boxes that go underneath on the body. If you find one put it on another random car, just to keep him busy.

[thefourgp]

@paperweight1992 How are you?

[BrooHaHa]

I second PP, one day at a time. You sound like a very strong and upbeat person- I have no doubt you will make a wonderful life for yourself and your DD on the other side of this. x

[Mummyoflittledragon]

It’s nice to hear your dd is sleeping well and you had a fab time yesterday. One day at a time.

[paperweight1992]

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't posted an update or anything. To tell you the truth, Friday was horrendous and I really let myself down crying all day about someone who actually hasn't ever made any impact on mine or my child's life. I don't know why I let her get to me so much, it was a very bad day.

Yesterday though, was wonderful. Me and DD laughed and played all day, no arguments, no abusive messages, no dramas, no shouting just pure fun and I loved every second. She's been sleeping like a dream as well so obviously that's helping me, nothing like a good night sleep.

I'm not naive I know every day will be different and I need to just take it all as it comes but I think as long as I stay away from people who want to bring me down I will get through this.

I'd like to thank you all again for your support. I know that you're strangers but your kind messages have given me strength and I appreciate it so much. I hope you're all ok x

[FallonSwift]

Ignore the message.

I know it's hard and I know it hurts, but they are doing it because they want you to react. Deny them a reaction and they will get bored and give up. In the meantime it will drive them batshit constantly looking and checking to see if you have responded or not.

Find a family member of your own to rely on as the go-between. Stop engaging with his family and block all of them.

[BemidjiMinnesota]

Call the police and report him for his abuse. You are being way too nice giving him and his horrible family airtime and they're all going to tear you to shreds.

Whose name is the car in? If yours then tell him (don't ask) that you want the keys back.

[billy1966]

OP, at least they have shown you EXACTLY who they are.

Do NOT delete.

But definitely forward to your family and friends so they know exactly what you are dealing with and will support you appropriately.

Well rid.

[BendyLikeBeckham]

They are the Flying Monkeys for your DH.

Remember the witch in the Wizard of Oz?

The best thing you can do is ignore. Keep them as evidence though, don't delete. And don't reply. You must not give them the satisfaction of knowing they've got to you. Come on woman, pull up your socks. You can do this.

You've already been so brave and strong. It is in you. Don't allow them to make you crumple. By all means have a little cry when you need to, but only to make yourself feel better. 2 hours is letting the bastards grind you down. You are strong. Find your roar.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Please just ignore it. This is about them, not you. You have been so nice, encouraging him to take your dd out, even allowing him to take your car for a potentially spurious reason.

What I think you need now are boundaries. They’re goading you firstly because they think you can and possibly because they want they want you to bite back. It will give your stbx some ammunition.

[BrooHaHa]

Block them, OP. But keep the message- you never know when it might come in handy.

[paperweight1992]

Today's taken a turn for the worst. A family member of his found a way to contact me and sent me the longest nastiest message I've ever had. Telling me none of them have ever liked me and what a horrible person I am.

I've been crying about it for about 2 hours and now I'm slowly realising it's just going to be crap for a while and I just need to suck it up. Clearly I've done the right thing. Just wish they'd leave me alone.

[Ulver]

He might have audio bugged the car.
No I’m not being paranoid I know someone who did this to his ex.

[paperweight1992]

The car thing is super weird, I don't know where he thinks I'd be going whilst we're on lockdown! To be honest I don't think he'd have even thought to put a tracker on but I will get the car checked when this is all over just incase.

I really can't believe how good I feel. I honestly have been so miserable for months and so convinced it was my fault. And even more convinced that I needed to just stay with him to keep the peace and see if things would get good again.

I keep waiting to feel some kind of sadness or love towards him but it just isn't coming. I think he's hurt me past the point of forgiveness.

[GilbertMarkham]

Check your car out thoroughly. I can't think of one good, non suspicious reason why he'd need to take your car if he has one.

[Troels]

Did he at least give you your car keys?
If not text him can he please leave you your car keys next time he's at yours. Keep track of things in writing.
He doesn't need your car keys it's your car.

[BendyLikeBeckham]

@Itsallgonewoowoo haha. Great minds!!

[BendyLikeBeckham]

I was on your other thread OP.

So pleased to hear you've got rid of him. Don't let him back in.

As soon as you can, check to see if has put a tracker on your car. Why else would he need to have it for 2 hours when he has his own car?

[Itsallgonewoowoo]

Just in case you missed a previous posters idea I'll second it. Is it possible he has put a tracker on your car?