dp's sisters' wedding tonight... and i cant even speak to dp...

[juicychops]

because ive still not met his kids yet after being together over 1.5 years.

Im taking a friend so i have company and i have to pretend im a neighbour if anyone asks as dp doesn't want anyone to accidently let slip to his boys i am his girlfriend.

The only people there who will know who i am is dp, his sister and new husband, and dp's mum and dad. not even dp's brother and family know who i am!

looking forward to going as dp's sister really wanted me to go, but dreading how im going to feel when im there. Im gunna just feel like a nobody and out of place with the whole of dp's family im supposed to meet his family at events like this, not have to pretend im nothing.

Feeling very angry towards dp this morning and i dont want it to ruin my night out. I want to just have a good time with my friend and think of it as just a night out and make sure dp sees me having a great time without him. But inside im gunna be feeling quite sad

[orangehead]

what a pig. id prob tell him if he wants me act like a neighbour then that what i will be from now on. you deserve better that sort of behaviour can really squash yr self esteem

[Carmenere]

Dp made the point that at 14 the eldest probably knows already and has probably told the others.
Also why doesn't their mum just tell them. I would, afaik, longterm psychological damage is not known to result in the revelation that parents have new partners.

[LIZS]

I would n't want to go but can see how you might feel torn , did you know dp's sister beforehand ? I don't think you should be introduced under the guise of something other than his gf, surely he could at least give you the dignity of being his friend, unless you are genuinely a friend of the bride in your own right. It will make them feel deceived by both him and you when he does tell them. imho the children are well old enough to understand that his life may go on but leaving it so close to the event means his timing would be dreadful.

[lou33]

i really wouldnt go, you have been together a long enough time and he still hasnt told them about you

i would feel like a dirty little secret, and that is not a way to conduct a relationship

why should you have to sneak about pretending you dont know each other? i think it shows a total lack of respect for you, and that he doesnt take your relationship seriously

am for you

[RubySlippers]

juicy
you have had plenty of good advice
you have shown remarkable patience and loving kindness to a man who won't even tell his children about you
secrets and lies always come out in the end, and usually in the worst way, so your DP is just storing up trouble
good luck

[BandofMothers]

oh FGS, so even when the truth comes out you have to lie
Someone will slip up somewhere along the way. Someone will mention something from the past and they will put 2 and 2 together, he is being a fool.

[peanutbear]

can I ask a question what happens when you have both had a drink and its time for dancing are you going to avoid each other

is he not going to spend the whole night looking at you or vice versa because children pick up on that!! as do other people


make sure your not the one doing the glancing that you look stunning and that a man buys you a drink, above all it will make you feel better

[ggglimpopo]

If he was serious about you he would have told them.

[juicychops]

hes already said he isn't going to tell them how long we hae been together when he does tell them

[BandofMothers]

Good Luck, let us nosy folk know how it goes.

[juicychops]

ive told his parents im gunna feel crap at this wedding and they said they will try and make me feel comfortable. If things get too bad i will just leave.

ive got to go food shopping now but i will read everyones responses when i get back

[BandofMothers]

Also, when they find out how long you have been together they will feel lied to. And they will find out unless he also expects you to lie about that too??

[BandofMothers]

What are you supposed to do if one of his sons talks to you?? Ignore them.

If I were you I would completely ignore him, then talk to the best looking guy there, as long as it's not the groom. Not openly flirty, but suggestive enough that it would drive him nuts, but that you can deny doing anything but talking. Then say well I wasn't allowed to talk to you, wasn't allowed to talk to your boys. I had to talk to someone, if you thought I was going to sit quietly in the corner you obviously don't know me very well.

[slim22]

I could not. Totally disrespectfull for him to treat you like this.
Totally disrespectfull towards his kids too. Imagine in retrospect when they meet you and know you were involved in smthg as intimate as their auntie's weding, they will feel you were lurking and that their dad was dishonest. You know how teenagers are....he better be very forward with them or he'll create a hellish athmosphere for you.

If you have a good relationship with his parents, maybe they can help break the ice?

[nutcracker]

Presumably, you have introduced your ds to your dp ? Does your dp think you were wrong to do so ??

[forsale]

a few months ago my cousin who had been single for quite a while turned up at his sisters house with his girlfriend who he'd been seeing for a few months - this was about a week before her dds christening. He only introduced/told his parents the night before the christening :O

[fleacircus]

Personally, I think lying to children is a big mistake and if both your DP and his XW are concealing relationships the deceit is going to cause emtional fallout - how are his boys supposed to trust either of their parents if such important parts of their lives are concealed?

I can understand keeping a relationship a secret at first to make sure it's something significant before involving children's feelings, but you're obviously beyond that stage or you wouldn't be going to this wedding in the first place.

[forsale]

you can do one of two things

(a) tell him an ex turned up really upset and you cant go because that would mean explaining you have a bf

(b) go and as no one knows who you are flirt mercilessly with any other single men and maybe find yourself a new one

[BandofMothers]

Tell him to grow up. They are old enough. It is he that has the problem not them. I would demand to know the real reason he doesn't want to tell them. Point out that his ex wants to tell them and clearly doesn't seem to think they are too young, then give him his choice.

[slim22]

I would not go.

[juicychops]

yes i have a 2.7 ds

[lulumama]

this is last chance saloon

if he does not make a change after today, then you should think carefeully about ending it

his children are old enough to understand the situation, and after 18 months, you should not be the dirty little secret

having to go with him, but pretend you are a neighbour, rather than his long standing girlfriend is atrocious and his is clearly very disrespectful of your feelings and your dignity

[BandofMothers]

Equally, if you don't go his sister will be so furious with him, she will probably roast him and maybe make him think twice.

I don't see why you can't stay friends with her if it doesn't work out with him tho.

[nutcracker]

Do you have kids Juicychops ?

[juicychops]

i still want to go to the wedding. i dont want to let his sister down and my friend who is coming is pregnant and had to buy something especially.

i do understand what your saying Carmenere. I have been thinking that also but i would like to think he will change. i cant just give up on all the waiting ive already done