Getting back together with ex husband - experiences?

[PleaseDontSquishMe]

I am wondering whether anyone has experience with this? Good or bad. I am finding it hard to talk to anyone in real life as they are very quick to dismiss it and put me into a victim role, which I know is not true.

Background: For the last 6 months I have been back in contact with ex husband. Divorced just over a year, no children. We both had a short relationship since then and I’m dating causally but my heart’s not in it, both single at the moment. I’m 36.

We were married for 4 years, together for 13. We hit a stage where we started to not cope anymore with everything life threw at us, and it was a lot. We got pulled into all sorts of directions and lost us in all this. Horrendous arguments, selfish decisions on both sides, and in the end he left as he didn’t feel he could continue the way we were and we couldn’t sort it with everything that was going on. I was devastated but to be honest it wasn’t sustainable but I always hoped we could pull through.

We both admitted that we still have feelings, we both have had counselling for us, and we are at the stage where we either have to cut contact completely or see whether there is a way. We both know it wouldn’t be a ‘getting back together’ but starting new again. We both know that it would be hard work and might not have a happy end.

I don’t know what to do and am all over the place. I do love him but I’m not sure whether this is enough.

Thank you.

[GreatExpectationalized]

Why would you want to go back to a situation that has already been proven to cause you heartache and pain when there is a world of infinite possibilities out there?

It takes some time to recover from a relationship, and the temptation of returning to the familiar, no matter how uncomfortable, can linger. You haven't given yourself a decent chance to have a go at a new life, free and healed from your past.

[AliceMcK]

I think you both sound very sensible, you obviously have a lot of history and admit your own faults, plus have had counselling. I think only you can make the decision whether you try again. I’d do what’s best for you, not just to please others. Good luck.

[Wanderlusto]

Wtf would you spend all the money getting divorced and go through all the agro of getting past being broken up with, only to go back there again?

Honestly op, dont go there. It might be ok for a bit but then the old problems would resurface.

Draw a line under it. Cut contact and onwards and upwards.

[PicsInRed]

🧟‍♀️ 🙄

[PicsInRed]

Was there anyone else involved in the break up?

Did his behaviour towards you make you unhappy?

[Babbo65]

Oh just realised Zombie thread.

[Babbo65]

Similar situation where I didn’t want the split but he did. When he started making noises about trying again I was over the moon as I still loved him. However it was never the same and we split 2 years later. Personally speaking and from my experience, I wouldn’t.

[Itsally]

Hi there! I know you posted this a few years ago but I'm in a similar situation and wonder if you did decide to get back together. And what happened? @PleaseDontSquishMe

[Mami16]

Hi just wondering how everything turned out with you op? I'm in a similar situation now but with DC involved.

[PleaseDontSquishMe]

I think it depends on the stage of separation of what the context is. I am divorced, have been for a bit and had a year or so of no contact. There is no way for me to 'go back' into the relationship as that relationship didn't work. It's about discovering whether a 'new' relationship would be possible. So, going on dates (e.g. living separately, but spending time with each other, doing things) would be the way to find out whether there is something to build on.


You are still married by the sounds of it, but separated? Even then though, just going back into married life has the danger for old habits to just continue and to fall back into old roles. At least that's what I think.

[TowerOfJoy]

Pp who've mentioned "dating" your exH, how does that work exactly?
DH and I are currently working on getting back together and I'm struggling with us having separate lives for the last 8 months. Is it a bad idea to try and get straight back in to married life?

[AnotherDayAnotherDollarRight]

I got back together with exh. Not convinced I'd do the same if I lived my life again. People don't really change. The issues that caused the split in the first place are likely to resurface.

[PleaseDontSquishMe]

Thank you again. Lots to think about, and what you all been saying is ringing true with what has been going round my head.

[mehimthem]

My DH & I split about 20 yrs ago when our youngest was about 6 or 7yrs old. Long story short, our kids chose to stay with their Dad & I moved out; eventually quite a distance away from both our families, for university studies. I ended up with a tertiary degree, but while away & doing the kid swap stuff we started to talk again. Lots of stuff led to our separation, almost divorce with both of us at fault - so when he suggested a reconciliation I was very hesitant, partly because I didnt want to lose my new confidence in looking after myself again. I didnt move back in straight away, finished my studies etc, & talked lots (& lots) We have now been back together about 18 yrs & although there have been a few occasions I wondered about where I might be if we had never reconciled, I am very happy I made the choice to return. Good luck with your decision

[Smozzles]

I can't say what's right for you but I can tell you that I got back with my ex, then we got married and it has not gone well. I really regret getting back together now. I did it for the wrong reasons, I think...the only reason to get back is that you love him deeply and can't imagine being with anyone else. Otherwise, accept the divorce and move on. x

[Justanotherfool]

I divorced and am now back together with DP. We are stronger than ever. We were the same as you in that we both had seperate relationships whilst separated but naturally gravitated towards each other again. We were apprehensive about getting involved with each other again and it not working out, but having the mindset that were together because we "want" to be and not just because we're married makes me feel more secure funnily enough. We have plans to remarry but not for a long time yet. I hope it works out for you