Apologies if this the wrong dept or if I don’t know the correct abbreviations, it’s my first post...need some perspective on this please. My wife & I have been married 5 years (my 2nd marriage, her third) I have a son of 24, she has no children. I am 51 she is 44.
Last summer we pooled our resources & bought the “box ticking dream house” in the country...the idyllic relax/escape. All good so I thought.
Approx 7 weeks ago my son’s relationship with his partner broke down (they had been together 3 years & have twin boys 14months)
My son sofa surfed for awhile, but then had no option, but to ask for my/our help. He contacted me approx 1/2hr before I finished work and said I really have to come to your place to stay. Naturally being Dad, I said yes. My wife was not impressed (understatement!) My son was obviously a bit emotionally battered from his relationship breakdown, but has been very respectful/courteous of our space. He has his own transport, has recently started a new well paid job & helps out with his son’s at his ex’s house & occasionally at our house.
My “crime” was that I did not discuss this change in lifestyle with my wife. I genuinely would have done, had I had time too...it happened quickly. Given different circumstances I would have asked for her decision on this move.
My son is adamant he wants to find his own place to rent, just needs to get some cash put aside first.
My wife’s reaction to this “enjoy your lad’s pad...I cannot live with you both here...I’m off !”
She has moved in with a friend, nearly one month now. She is being quite forthright in not coming home until my son moves out !
It’s her birthday today...I offered to take her out for a meal...she refused.
HELP ME OUT HERE PEOPLE !!
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Relationships
Being made to choose:- wife v son
Scoot67 · 22/04/2018 18:51
I think you are minimising your son's behaviour. There could very well be things you have not seen therefore you cannot say with 100% certainty that he hasn't been aggressive towards your wife.
I agree with pps I think this is over and I hope you both find an amicable way to split your assets.
Has your son even acknowledged yet that he has had a role to play in the breakdown if your marriage or does he still not care? If it's the latter is be very disappointed in my child to lack such empathy or understanding. Being 24 is no excuse.
Perhaps the counsellor suggesting you wear smarter clothes is actually to get you to see you need to be an adult not his mate. But you dismissed that out of hand because you've done nothing wrong in how you parent your adult child apparently 
There is an ongoing whiff of being a martyr to your posts that I think is the death knell for your marriage.
Find a way for you to both separate amicably and fairly and move on with your lives.
Agree with PPs. Either you are minimising your ds's antisocial behaviour or your dw is exaggerating it. Probably both. If the mediator suggested police then there's obviously more to it than your son being a little hot-headed.
I don't like your repeated references to your W being sexually unconfident {what the fuck has that got to do with the price of fish? 
).
Nor do I like her behaviour when you are with your dgcs.
The whole thing sounds like a toxic mess. I think I'd look at divorce.
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