50/50 childcare and child maintenance

[Iceland22]

Not started the divorce yet.

But, my soon to ex has said he wants 50/50 which I’m going to contest as the children need one stable environment.

He earns £50k and I earn £30k. Will he have to pay maintenance if the judge awards 50/50?

Also what is spousal maintenance and do I quality in this situation?

Married 10 years. Two children 6 and 5.

[Abcos]

I'm a dad, here after googling for some advice.

I cannot stand this sort of attitude from women. And it's fantastic to know, even from reading this post, they are not all the same.

Earning near enough £50 and crying to earn more is pure greed in my opinion. I earn nowhere near that, I have my son 50% of the time, do school runs, take time out of work for appointments, pay half, if not all of his uniform and other bits, as his scrounging mother has no job, apart from having children... 4 kids by 3 father's now (my boy was the first) and I STILL pay her child maintenance, just so I know he at least will get fed. And she still begs for more money and cries poverty to me.

I don't know the specific situation, but, the father didn't make any sacrifices did he? I know myself personally, made lots of sacrifices to make sure I was never away from my son... To make sure that I've always been around.

Id get it if you was cleaning the pebbledash of a public toilet for £12 k a year... But Christ on a bike.... You lot earn an absolute packet. You need to realise how bloody lucky you are

[category12]

If he has them 50% of the time, he shouldn't have to pay child support. Spousal maintenance is unlikely.

If you do end up with 50/50, could you return to your former career? Maybe you could see it as an opportunity?

I think it's still unusual to end up 50/50 tho. But if he genuinely wants it, he may well get it.

[Otter71]

My ex earns 80k. I earn 30k. When we met I earned more than him and still would but changed career because he didn't want me in a male dominated career. We do 50/50 and all this is irrelevant. No maintenance spousal or child...

[Boxerman]

Male here too and have just gone through this. 50/50 childcare and i gave up a lot of equity in the house in lieu of childcare, which i felt was fair in all honesty as it was equity built up whilst together. We went through mediation (i think you all have to now) and i fought for my pension as i'd had it 30 years and didn't see why i should share more than the 10 years worth where we'd had kids and she had to reduce working hours . I also agreed to cover the entire cost of kids as i feel that's my responsibility as a father, but it's certainly not law and most don't. My advise would be take legal guidance, and for the sake of your kids, try and settle amicably (not easy i know) but otherwise you'll just end up spending it on legal fees and you'll both be the worse off for it! It also will ease joint parenting going forward, which can and will be challenging!! Good luck

[Boxerman]

sorry i meant in lieu of spousal maintenance not childcare!!

[Frankola]

You aren't entitled to maintenance on 50 50.
You also arent entitled to spousal maintenance.

[AgentJohnson]

It just seems so unfair as I gave up my salary and a decent job to have a flexible but lower paid one.

Unfortunately, women keep making this decision despite knowing they are screwing themselves over by making it.

[Boxerman]

There's no automatic right to maintenance, but the courts will try and balance out the needs of both parties. In my case, despite us both amicably agreeing to the financial settlement (which was verified through a mediator) the judge still asked for clarification of how certain elements of the agreement had been arrived at, as on first looks they didn't seem equitable.

[LadyColmans]

In my experience (I’m a divorced mother) 50/50 works really well. If done properly I think it is best for children. One if the benefits of it is that neither one of you has a financial claim on the other - so no wrangling about money, and a better co-parenting relationship.
You are obviously a competent adult with a good income of your own. Try to get out of the ‘I need money from my ex’ and the ‘it’s not fair’ mindset. Welcome financial independence and use the extra time you’ll have to focus on your own career. And please don’t try to resist 50/50 just to get money out of your ex. That’s not in your children’s interests.
Speaking personally, my ex is significantly wealthier than me, and I’ve never regretted 50/50 for a minute, despite the fact that I don’t get child support. The absolute last thing I want is to be dependent on him.

[Tiffanysetting]

50/50 here, works well, no money changes hands, both of us pay what is needed whilst they're in each others care. Anybody wrangling about this yr after yr, is in for yrs of disappointment and heartache.

Split up and let it go. Both parties.

[PinkRobots]

Sorry for bumping a zombie, but does anyone know for sure what the law is here? I have a close friend who is paying maintenance yet has their child 50% of the time and all costs (uniform etc) are split?

[FreshStart13]

Uneven earning potential and breaks in earnings due to being the main carer for children is usually addressed in the asset split here, not in child maintenance or spousal support. The later only happens very rarely in exceptional circumstances where I live. Get some legal advice. People can give you generic advice or what happened in my case advice but can't actually advise you on your specific circumstances.

[stevemahony]

Hi, I'm I have been seperated from my ex for over a year now and have not started divorce proceedings. I have had 2 of our children living we me for over a year now with no overnight stays at their mothers. My ex has our other 2 children living with her. She has started a claim through child maintenance service because I have just started to claim universal credit. It's 50/50 care so should I have to pay her money?

[pog100]

The usual advice is talk to an expert i.e. a solicitor. You have. They've told you what is considered reasonable by the courts. I'm not sure what you are hoping to gain by resurrecting this old thread?
You got together with a 25 year old, you were 12 years older. She's had children with you. I'm not sure anyone really minds whether you concur with previous comments on the thread tbh..

[Bly323]

It just seemed relevant as it was talking about maintenance payments and 50/50 share arrangements.

Just thought it would be good to get other views, the responses that were given earlier were that there wasn't much entitlement, hence, I did not concur.

Very constructive response. Thanks.

[BottleFlipper]

ZOMBIE thread

(thankfully realised before I asked the OP why she was posting loads about finances and little about what might be best for her children)

[SubterfugeMe]

@ALittleBitConfused1

I don't see why you would need him to. You both earn the same, you both intend on having equal time (which adds up to equal costs) for your dc. Why would you want or need him to pay spousal maintenance or child maintenance costs, surely you're able to support yourself with your salary and when your dc are with him 50% of the time he will be covering all related costs.

This is a totally fair assessment. If the other partner is spending 50% of the time with the child, then they should not expected to pay for your 50% of the child just because they earn more. Sorry to be crass but if you dont like it, earn more money. Dont you just love a bit of accountabilty.

[Singlespies]

@YellowMakesMeSmile

50/50 can be great for the children, they aren't owned by either parent and deserve a decent relationship with both.

You won't get spousal maintenance, judges are awarding it less and less. Given you have your own income, then it's highly unlikely. Giving up a job and taking another was a choice when having children. Maybe 50/50 care would mean you could return to a similar job if you regret moving careers.

I agree. I know that this is an old thread, but found it when looking for something. Shared care, with no legal involvement is much better going forward. And, in the time I didn't have the children I formed new friendships, got stuck into hobbies, progressed my career. It was freeing. Plus, with adult children, I don't have to explain to them why I stopped them seeing their father. Obviously, as the mother, I still ended up doing most of the dentist appointments etc! We also kept a joint bank account going to pay for clothes etc