What time do you both go to bed?

[rainsbow]

Do you sit and spend time together in the evening or is there a typical pattern of one goes up long before?

[christmaswreaths]

Dh and I always spend time together - kids go to bed at 9 now so we have less time and often are so shattered we go to bed!

[Saiman]

Op you say you will be the one that ends it.

That means, either, you arent happy or you believe he will never leave you.

If you arent happy, then end it. You probably spend time in your room because the relationship isnt happy. Your household isnt a happy onr and the kids will pick up on it as they get older.

If its that you think he will never leave you first. He may surprise you. He has told you he is lonely. You have no intention to try and resolve things. Lonliness is awful. He may decide ge doesnt want to live like this.

[user1486956786]

And we can get into bed anytime from 7.30-8.30 !!! We love early nights. We watch tv in bed for a bit first though before falling asleep.

[user1486956786]

My partners ex wife used to go and watch tv alone in bed like this, he ended up feeling very unloved and unwanted by it, amongst other things of course.

We go to bed early, usually together, maybe one night a week do we go to bed slightly different times. As we go to bed early we don't catch up (chat) for hours in the evening, but make up for it in the morning as both get up early together.

[PosyBear]

We've been together 6 years. We both work long hard hours in responsible jobs and have 2 young children. We're both knackered when we get home. We jump into bed together at 9ish (sometimes earlier!) every night and watch stuff. Sometimes we eat and have a cuppa. Bed is haven. It's lovely. We cuddle and chat sleeping and go on our phones a bit while we watch and talk. It's bliss. My best time of the day. I think we'd both be hurt and bewildered if one of us didn't want this.

[rainsbow]

No saiman it'll be me

[Saiman]

Op it wont carry on being 'alright' forever. At some point one of you wont be able to keep on being a couple who isnt really a couple.

Sounds like it will be him.

[LexieLulu]

Would your happiness not be better for everyone? If you split you would still be coparenting but separated. And your children would see you happy, consequently enjoy you more?

Easier said than done I suppose, I'm sure you guys have reasons for staying xx

[peachgreen]

This all makes me so sad. Of course children change relationships but living in something that's totally unfulfilling for you both must be awful. And is an unhealthy model of a relationship to set for your children. I don't believe that everyone should pursue romantic love at the expense of all other things but I do believe that we all deserve to share our lives with someone who fulfils us on a deeper level than just a housemate and co-parent. OP, Keepithidden - you all deserve more.

[Keepithidden]

We have the same set up in our house rainsbow. I head up around 9ish, DW goes to bed 11/12ish. I do it to avoid going to bed with her, though we do share a bed. I also tend to avoid her in the evenings doing housework, shopping etc. Family time is fine though.

We are also a coparenting couple more than anything else. I will be leaving her when I have fulfilled my responsibility to raise DCs I think. I wouldn't be surprised if your DH follows a similar route, but perhaps this isn't a bad thing for either of you?

[rainsbow]

It's alright. We've been together over 5 years, got two kids. We lead our own lives really but that's alright. I do feel lonely a lot but I've got the kids. Thanks for asking.

[peachgreen]

rainsbow Are you happy with the way things are? It seems such a shame to me that you're no longer a functioning couple - that seems more of of an issue than what time you're both going to bed.

[tigercub50]

My DH gets tired from work so he often goes up before me, sometimes as early as 9.30. It caused problems a while ago as I would always stay downstairs later than him & he thought I was going off him. Now I still go up quite a bit later some of the time but we have talked things through & found ways around " having relations". A bit of afternoon delight!

[rainsbow]

We're 30 and 36

[rainsbow]

Pinkhorse we've gone round and round a hundred times bringing the same things up. We are just the way we are and we just tick along.

[LexieLulu]

I don't really know why you're asking then? If you're not really a couple in the sex department and just co-parent, why does it matter what time you go to bed?

Or is your DH commenting?

[pinkhorse]

Is he trying to tell you he's unhappy with this set up?

[Namechange2837]

I go to bed between 10-11 and DH comes in with me and strokes me to sleep (I know, I know!) for about 20 mins each evening. He then stays up till about 12-1ish

[rainsbow]

Not really, we're both set in our ways. Our relationship isn't "normal" whatever "normal" is. We don't have sex (my choice). Really we coparent as friends in the same house if you strip it to the bare bones.

[peachgreen]

rainsbow But it sounds like it's not working for your DH - is there maybe a compromise to be found?

[Babyg1995]

We always go to bed together during the week it's between10 and 11 weekends and holidays it can be anything between 1am and 3 am we don't need much sleep

[rainsbow]

8pm for me is a perfectly reasonable time. All my family go to bed early.

[elessar]

To be honest OP I would hate the kind of thing you describe - 8pm is so early that you're not really spending any of the evening together just relaxing and being together.

My boyfriend and I are very 'together' so we spend all evening together and go up to bed together - usually after 11, and often later at the weekend. He's more of a night owl than me so we compromise somewhere between when I would normally go up and when he would normally go to bed.

In fairness I would be perfectly happy to go up alone earlier sometimes - but I would never want to go up hours earlier every night and not even spend the evening together and if he was doing that to me I'd feel lonely and rejected too so I can totally understand how your DH feels.

Why don't you want to spend the evenings in his company? I understand needing a bit of quiet down time but not all evening every night.

[Saiman]

So why do you think its abnormal?

It sounds like dh has told you he isnt jappy and you dont want to compromise.

Does it matter what other people do? Yoir dh is lonely. The relationship is in trouble if that doesnt bother you.

[LexieLulu]

8pm is really early to go to bed with the age of your children. Could understand if you had a newborn (even then its early IMO).

We tend to go to bed together. My husband works shifts so even tho some mornings he's up at 5am, we still go to bed around 10pm. When he's not on those shifts it's maybe an hour later.

We don't have a TV in the bedroom tho as I don't like them in there. Bed is for reading sleeping and xxx