exP told by police on Tuesday last week not to contact me, is trying to contact me.

[Roundles]

What if anything do I do? Low key messaging, three texts. Not threatening or aggressive. Police explained clearly to him not to contact me. House is secure with changed locks, do I do anything about the messages? (obviously replying is not an option). Contact police seems overkill, but reason police were called were mental health concerns which then raised past instances of his violent behaviour. Without me pressing charges or him accepting mental heath support the situation seems to be in limbo. I want to move on with my life, after several years of hell. He admits to the violence but because it was a long time ago ( we ended the relationship over a year ago) doesn't seem to think it should be a problem. He has not apologised. He thinks I have been unkind to him by breaking up with him. He refused to return my keys and remained a controlling force in my life until police became involved (I did not call the police, a concerned friend of his did) I can not let him back in my life but what, if anything do I do about the contact attemps?

[TopOfTheCliff]

Could you change your number? Then you wouldnt even know if he sent messages to your old number

[Roundles]

Its scary to think I could be one reply away from.getting sucked back in - and boy oh boy it wouldn't be him apologising to me, as i know.from.bitter experience.

[Roundles]

• just him trying to mess with my head.

[Roundles]

I'm.not after any hangings My preferred outcome would be he sort some kind of mental health or alcohol abuse help, my second choice is just that he leaves me alone. Horrible though it seems to realise and say, I've spent years trying to help him but there's nothing more I can do. I know I don't owe him.anything now, and any heartstring tugging why why why messages are just me mess with my head.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

You can contact your local police force here >>> it has a list of them with contact details www.police.uk/forces/

[CondensedMilkSarnies]

It's a tricky one . Sometimes it's better that they really overstep the mark so they get into real trouble, but it's a fine line between giving them enough rope to hang themselves and keeping yourself safe .

[Roundles]

No worries miss s!

[MissSmiley]

Sorry x post. That's what I realised after I posted my first message. Sorry didn't think it through properly.

[MissSmiley]

I meant maybe he is using another number if she's blocked his original one.

[CondensedMilkSarnies]

I'd stay in my Jimmies

[Roundles]

He's not contacting from the blocked number (though I know its him).

[CondensedMilkSarnies]

That's a good point Smiley it really helps your case if you are seen to be doing everything you can to keep them away and not enabling them to carry on.

However, Op shouldn't have to change their number - the twat should do as he's told !

[MissSmiley]

Don't mean to question you. I blocked a contact today (long story) and I'm not expecting to hear anything or see any messages from them ever again.
Is he using another number?

[Roundles]

@condensedmilksarnies yes I have. Am now waiting for last weeks officer to call me. Am.wondering if officer will telephone or appear at door and of so I should probably change out of my star wars pajamas and into clothes.

[MissSmiley]

Have you not blocked his number? How is he able to even send you a message?

[Lelloteddy]

This sort of stuff does tend to send your radar off. You are doing absolutely the right thing by reporting this.

[CondensedMilkSarnies]

Have you managed to speak to 101 yet ?

I was with an abusive control freak and it took a long time for my factory settings to return to normal !

You have to be extremely firm with them. Say what you mean and mean what you say , stick to your guns re him not contacting you , the minute you waver then they worm their way back in.

The more you stick to your guns , the stronger you'll feel , the stronger you feel , the weaker they become.

[Roundles]

Thank you. Wonky, guilty and confused is my default at the moment.

[CondensedMilkSarnies]

Charlotte I get what you mean . I think if you've been used to abuse and /or violence then your 'what's normal' instinct is a bit wonky .

[Charlotteswigwam]

To add to what others have said: if you've been in an abusive relationship for a while (and if there was violence then it WAS abusive even if the violence was a long time ago) then your default reaction is going to be an under reaction rather than an over reaction. So if you find yourself wanting to respond to something (e.g. By contacting the police over his continued contact of you) but worry it is an over reaction... it almost certainly isn't (sorry there is probably a more succinct way of putting that).

[Roundles]

Speaking with 101 now, my area must be busy tonight. Thank you everyone who posted and advised. Just seemed strange and a bit attention seeky to call police for a text message, hope that's just me over thinking though.

[RandomMess]

You are doing the right thing reporting it

[Roundles]

Thank you. Certainly not as extreme as some stories I've heard on here but just seeing the messages pop up on the phone makes me feel like my insides could drop out. And pf course feel guilty for reporting in that weird brainwashed way.

[PickAChew]

When you get through, you can ask for clarification of the best way to inform them each time he tries to contact you. By reporting, you are providing recorded evidence in case something more formal needs to be put in place to keep him away from you.

[Foureyesarebetterthantwo]

You definitely do need to contact them, so well done. It might only be some low key messages now, but he's clearly testing the boundaries of what might be ok, and in the face of being told not to by the police. This could escalate, so you are doing the right thing. How frightening for you.