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Relationships

First argument think it will be our last

38 replies

moonie70 · 27/05/2017 22:40

Six months in first fall out wasn't sure what would happen but it seems ignoring my txt and leaving me hanging is the way he deals with things.
Back story I went to a reunion last week and I had a good night came home told my bf all about the evening . Told him about a guy who thinks he's gods gift and mentioned he was complimenting me on my profile pic and joking about my boobs , it really was banter and he's married .
I would never cheat I'm 100% loyal and I tell my bf all the time how much I love him .
Well a week later he texts to say some friend of his has said I was sat with the guy all night plus dancing and he bought my drinks .
I'm gobsmaked as I've done nothing wrong was sat with my sister all night and then danced in a group.
I reacted by saying Who said such things , and it hurts you don't trust me . He said your not denying it so it makes me think it's true . I then told him I don't have to justify myself to him and if he didn't trust me to leave me alone I'm done . His response ok I'll leave you alone .
Well it's been a few hours and I've not heard anything .
I've deactivated my fb as I'm so over it and my bf is constantly on there more than me and I don't want to live my life through it .
Before I went off line he had changed his profile pic to just him .
How childish is this from a 50 year old bloke .
I didn't realise he has trust issues . It's double standards to question me when he likes profile pics of all his female mates , and some get the wrong impression as one inboxed him last night with a bizarre request of him to help her find a bf and if he had any mates how strange is that .
I'm just so upset that the guy of all these months that's treated me with love and kindness would just act so out of character . I know he loves me he said he sees us together long term and we've never argued . This week he had a wobble and said he was just waiting for me to give him the elbow , I tried to reassure him not sure why he felt this way
I don't know what to do or think my last txt was just me saying we should talk like adults but nothing back .
I have anxiety and he knows how bad I am and he's left me hanging .
I guess action speak louder than words .
So upset at the thought of another failed relationship . So many insecure men especially with FB I hate it sometimes . Glad I'm off it I guess time will tell , sometimes think I'd be better off on my own , I've been through a lot and it takes a lot out of me to give myself to have it all go wrong again . What would you do any one with advise

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Quimby · 28/05/2017 13:33

Yup I think you're both probably best off out of this.
I think you've treated him pretty shit in this instance and he may have over reacted slightly to it.

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GriefLeavesItsMark · 28/05/2017 13:03

Why was he showing you his private Facebook messages?

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SparklingRaspberry · 28/05/2017 12:33

I think you're part of the problem if I'm honest

You know he's insecure yet you went home and told him how another man was complimenting you and commenting on your boobs. What did you expect to happen? You knew what you were doing...

As for him leaving you alone. You've got what you wanted! You told him you were done, so he's left you alone. You didn't even bother to reassure him that what he was told were lies. What's your issue here?? That he hasn't come begging? That he's done what you've asked

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HappyJanuary · 28/05/2017 12:22

You asked him to leave you alone if he didn't trust you. Rightly or wrongly, that's exactly what he's done.

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CalmItKermitt · 28/05/2017 12:12

You both sound very young. Well done on dumping him. Stick to it and move on 👍🏻

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Orlandointhewilderness · 28/05/2017 11:50

Oh come on OP. I echo the above posters, I would say you have acted in a bit of a childish manner. 'Banter' is generally not funny. If my BF came home and told me similar, I damn well wouldn't be laughing. As PP said, if he has been hurt before then chances are he will be looking for any sign of flirting etc.

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OnionKnight · 28/05/2017 11:41

Grow up OP.

You told him to leave him alone so he has Hmm

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DoIDontIhavethetalk · 28/05/2017 11:27

You do sound quite immature, OP.

You can't tell someone to leave you alone and then expect them to contact you; you can, but it's game playing. And I suspect if you're honest with yourself that telling him all about the sleeze commenting on your boobs was game playing too - to see if he would be jealous. Not a nice thing to do and especially not nice since he has previously been cheated on.

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Bizzysocks · 28/05/2017 11:19

you expect him to make allowances for your anxi5from past relationships but you won't do the same for him.

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noova61 · 28/05/2017 11:16

Get the key back, get his stuff out and move on...6mths is nothing...27yrs is!!

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LesisMiserable · 28/05/2017 11:00

Deary me. If your pm at me is anything to go by I understand why he's not got back in touch even more so now. Truth hurts.

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LesisMiserable · 28/05/2017 09:48

You sound like a wind up. You know he's insecure yet you thought you'd share that someone was talking about your body to him. To get a reaction. Then you told him never to contact you again. To get a reaction. You didn't get a reaction and now you're slating him for changing his fb photo. Who's more immature, you or him?

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Huskylover1 · 28/05/2017 09:05

I'm going to come at this from a different angle, ie. His. As someone who has been cheated on before, by ExH (many times), I can say that my tolerance for any nonsense at all, in a relationship, is Zero.

Your BF has been cheated on before. And in the worst way possible - you said:

he forgive his ex for getting off with his mate while he was out the room

That's an awful thing to have happened to him.

I think he has no tolerance for any whiff of flirting, and I am the same.

If my DH came home from a reunion, and told me that he had been chatting with a woman who had been openly flirting with him, complimenting his profile, and that they had joked about his cock size etc, I would seriously shut down. If it was 6 months in to the relationship, I would most likely withdraw, just like your BF has done.

To some people, this seems like a massive over reaction, but if you have been really hurt before, it's a snap reaction : the barriers come up. Not only did you have "banter" with this sleeze about your tits, you then relayed this story to your BF thinking it was funny. To someone who has been badly burned before, it's not funny. I would have done exactly the same. Taken it as a warning sign and ran.

On top of this, you told him that you are done. Another warning sign (no empathy for how he is feeling).

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Zaphodsotherhead · 28/05/2017 08:57

He's fifty and lives with his mum. Unless his mum needs special care of some sort, he's really not ready for a relationship of any kind.

You 'act in emotion' and then expect people not to take it seriously, and you tell an insecure man about another man paying you attention and talking about your boobs. Tbh, I'm not entirely sure that you are ready for a relationship either.

You both need different people. Move on.

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Hermonie2016 · 28/05/2017 08:52

You really don't know someone until you have been in a relationship with them for 1-2 years.

What he has shown is his way of dealing with emotions.Every couple will have issues and it's how you deal with them.

50, living at home not independent for even a car!!

You said you gave so much, he has a key to your house.It feels very rushed and over the top and not emotional mature.
Next time wait until you know how someone reacts.
I suspect he will contact you in a few days and I think you could go back..don't confuse drama for love.Set your bar higher.

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Cary2012 · 28/05/2017 08:51

He's extremely insecure, and you telling him about the harmless banter at the reunion was like lighting the blue touch paper of his insecurities, hence the wobble earlier in the week about losing you, he needed reassurance.

The reassurance that you wouldn't dump him should have been enough, but it wasn't so he cooked up his little story about a conveniently placed friend seeing you with the banter guy all night, to catch you out.

He was banking on you pleading with him, promising him you'd never cheat, begging for another chance, etc etc. And it back fired, big time. So now he's spat his dummy out, ignoring your texts, whilst he sulks like a stroppy five year old.

He will probably try to crawl back. Please don't entertain this. At fifty, insecure or not, he should be above such childish games. He is showing you, through his behaviour, who he really is.

Six months is nothing, chalk it up, move on.

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LynetteScavo · 28/05/2017 08:32

You told him to leave you alone, he's left you alone. You've not been left hanging at all. You had a conversation and the relationship ended.

To be honest I think you were probably trying to make him jealous in the first place and he's reacted like an immature teenager. It all seems really childish and you're better off out of it.

This

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TheStoic · 28/05/2017 08:23

I can't imagine telling my boyfriend all about some married sleaze commenting on my boobs, unless it was to boak in solidarity. I definitely wouldn't think it was funny.

I wouldn't be trying to control you, I'd think you were very immature and I would take you at your word when you said we were done.

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TDHManchester · 28/05/2017 08:01

it pisses me off that people communicate such issues by text because they dont have the balls to have a face to face conversation.

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Ellisandra · 28/05/2017 07:56

No sympathy for you not meaning it when you said you are done and him knowing you act in emotion.

If it were you posting that he had done that, we'd all be telling you not you put up with that shit!

It might have backfired for you if you didn't mean it - but at least the end result is still good.

I don't find it at all odd by the way, that a female friend of his would message him to ask if he has any oppprtunity to set her up.
And I might not like being on the receiving end of my boyfriend going on about a girl flirting with him. Would depend whether he was saying it in a slightly bragging way, or a genuine "fucking creep - ugh" way.

How come you're allowed to act impulsively with your emotions and have anxiety, say things you don't mean, criticise his Facebook use, not like the messages he gets, can't handle being on fb because you have mutual friends - yet he's called immature? I think the pair of you aren't suited. You dumped him, it's over. He's not leaving you hanging - it's over.

Onwards an upwards! Lesson learned - don't invest as much so soon.

And professing how much he loves you so often early on is always a good sign.

You didn't like his fb use or him living with his mum... try to keep in mind the reality, don't have rose tinted specs - you'll get over it faster without!

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TheNaze73 · 28/05/2017 07:15

He's created this opportunity to end things in a cowardly way.

You know all you need to know about him

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MsGameandWatch · 28/05/2017 02:35

You told him to leave you alone, he's left you alone. You've not been left hanging at all. You had a conversation and the relationship ended.

To be honest I think you were probably trying to make him jealous in the first place and he's reacted like an immature teenager. It all seems really childish and you're better off out of it.

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moonie70 · 28/05/2017 02:26

I had told him everything about that night always honest and upfront that's why I couldn't understand why he felt the need to ask , I think he made it up about a friend telling him these things , anyway I can not forgive him for ignoring my last txt to him I poured my heart out to him and zero back . This is the guy that tells me every day how much he loves me and I mean the world to him , obviously not another lesson got me to chalk up . I had a rough time over the years he knows my story yet he has ignored me all night. He knows I wouldn't of meant it when I said I'm done he knows I act in emotion , he forgive his ex for getting off with his mate while he was out the room yet I've given him tons of love and treated him well to be blanked all night . This guy chased me for years and said I'd made him the happiest he had ever been . Actions speak louder than words I'm out I know my worth

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Bizzysocks · 28/05/2017 01:14

I don't understand why you didn't just reassure him it wasn't true.

if someone told me my dh was drinking and dancing all night with another women and I told dh what I had been told I would expect him to say it was nonsense danced in a group etc. if he replied 'I don't have to justify myself to you, leave if you don't trust me' I would be concerned and I'm not insecure or an irrational jealous Dick!

I would tell him the truth, you were hurt he would think you would flirt with another man but that you didn't, you were with your sister and danced in a group. say you like him and have enjoyed the last 6 months and wouldn't be unfaithful, if he doesn't think you are being honest then there is no future for you both but if he believes you you would like to put the disagreement behind you and continue the relationship.

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Ellisandra · 28/05/2017 00:27

Your mutual friends won't give a shit that you've split up after about 10 minutes!
Why on earth would that stop you using FB?

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