OK, I really need some advice here as im not sure whats wrong with me. Ive name changed as I don't want anyone to recognise me. Ill also try not to drip feed.
Ive been with DP for 8 years. We have a lovely relationship, get on well, don't argue much and raise our 5 year old DS great. We agree on things like money , morals , how we raise DS and to family and friends we look happy.
Nearly 1 year ago we got engaged and we threw ourselves into the wedding plans. So far so good...
Then the end of March , Like a switch (which I desperately didn't want to click) I started to feel different... im not sure I want to get married or be with him at all. He is loyal and caring, hardworking and respectful but there's no spark... at all. I was in love with him for years (felt really lucky to have him) and that was enough and all of a sudden its like a flame has literally been blown out. He has never been in love with me in the way I wanted ( ive no doubt he loves me) . He isn't the cuddly type and doesn't say much where as im quite the other way but I know he would be a wonderful husband.
I cant work out if im having some kind of mid life crisis (im 34 btw) whether its some sort of weird pre wedding jitters or if the engagement has made me realise that as much as we get on we aren't right to marry each other???? Im so confused. I don't want to ruin my sons life by asking his dad to move out if 3 months down the line that switch just flies back on and I want him back again and its too late.
For those of you that are married, what type of feelings does your marriage consist of? Are you still "in love" or is it more of a friendship? Am I thinking of throwing something good away because ive got bored? I just don't know. As I said im 34 and surely the spark is still supposed to be there before you marry or after 8 years is this normal?
Before someone asks, this is nothing to do with another man, my head hasn't been turned or anything like that.
Any advice would be appreciated as this is really eating me up. He is a wonderful man, my son is very happy and DP gives us a lovely life, these feelings are very new. Im so confused...
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Relationships
To say " I Do" ???
Confused1983 · 09/05/2017 14:58
OP I felt so sad reading all your posts. This was the part that really stood out for me:
he unfortunately doesn't think im that amazing I don't think but he thinks im a nice person and a good mum and I think that's enough for him.
That's so heartbreaking to read. No one should feel like that in a relationship. I'm not saying your partner has done anything wrong or that he's a bad guy, but you deserve to feel loved and for whatever reason you clearly aren't getting that. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to know your partner thinks you're amazing!
My partner isn't the type to talk about his feelings at all, really, and he gets incredibly shy and awkward whenever I compliment him or start gushing about how much I love him. But I know how he feels about me because of all the other things he does, and I've never been made to feel like I'm just OK or that I'm 'good enough'. I was with someone before him who definitely made me feel like I was just the best he could do, nothing special, and it felt like shit 
You said you've spent 8 years wanting to marry him. Do you think maybe the doubts are setting in because now it's becoming a reality and you're faced with the real prospect of living like this forever? Whereas before you were just focused on wanting to make something happen?
Maybe you need a bit of space and time to rebalance your relationship.
From what you've written, it sounds as though you were the pursuer of the relationship and now that you're finally at the "finishing post", something has kicked in and you're not sure whether you actually want him or whether it was about the thrill of the chase.
How quickly did you move through the stages of your relationship and who was the main instigator?
When you say you've never felt loved in the way you want, does that mean your levels of passion for each other was unbalanced? I.e. he went along with your feelings of passion but didn't match them himself?
You have my sympathies OP. A passionless relationship can be soul destroying. I hope you manage to work things out 
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