First date

[Tiredbutnotyetretired]

So last night i met the man who has been persistant in getting my number and has told anyone who will listen how much he likes me.
We met last year but ive been in and out of an extremely psycologically abusive relationship where i was gaslighted, put down, taken for granted, used and triangulated with just about any woman on this planet.
I have a strong support group of a few friends and family i can talk to so this had helped me just about keep my head above water and stay sane. Anyway we broke up a few days ago and (i know this may sound terrible) i contacted this man whom ive been keeping at arms length because i didnt want to lead him on or cause myself any confusion. I contacted him just to chat to take my mind off the pain of all the shit i'd been through and the imminent anxiety attacks, and tbh i really do quite like him so thought it would b harmless chatting and easy banter which it always is whenever i have spoken to him.
I was shocked to realize just how pushy he would be and he has talked me into a date, which my friends have encouraged so i thought great just relax , get to know the guy and see how the night goes.
He didnt actually invite me on a propper date just invite round to his house which was fine with me as i liked the idea of just relaxing together getting to know each other a bit by talking etc.
He was very attentive and kind and i fancy the pants off him so it was lovely conpany but a few things have concerned me nut i dont know if its a genuine red flag or my own mind because of all the previous abuse?
Firstly he was commenting on people on the tv (how pretty/ugly they were) i didnt like it at all and found it superficial and not things you would say when you first meet someone new? The next thing that concerned me was that he made a sweeping statement that he was a 'boob' man, which i also found unnecessary on a first 'date' and indicated to me that he seems superficial and cant see past peoples looks, can i also add that i do not have large breasts and they are a little deflated from childbirth.
Am i worrying too much? Am i looking for abusive traits? Were there red flags to be seen? Please give me your opinion because im so worried about ending up in another situation like last time.
I really dont want to rush into anything too soon and i thought maybe slowly get to know each other but he was also quite pushy sexually asking for sex etc which i told him no.

[Shayelle]

Eurgh i think id have thrown up there and then. What a fucking creep!

[JK1773]

Oh gosh he sounds awful for one, and two you are far from ready. It's too soon for you and you're emotionally still raw. This is the time you are at your most vulnerable. Take some time out and look after yourself. You don't need to rush headlong into another relationship. And even if you did this man is not the right one by any stretch. He sounds manipulative

[Emmageddon]

Oh God yes, tell your mutual friends what he did - fucking creep, he deserves to be shamed in front of everyone. That's not a normal first date, not a normal second/third/fourth/fifth date either, when the woman refuses sex, the man gets his cock out anyway. Dirty bastard.

[badabing36]

Oh and if you're friends say 'oh what happened with x' just tell them, then they won't pester you to see him again.

[DontSayIt]

Yeah, I was an Innocent Abroad. Learnt the hard way Tired. Just passing it on ...

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

The biggest mistake OP, would be to have anything to do with him, ever again.
What is it you young ladies say, " Ghost him". 😄

[Tiredbutnotyetretired]

All comments have been taken on board thanks, when i said future i didnt mean to insinuate that i was contemplating a future together i was simply implying that if i was to let this slide it would only possibly get worse, which has alarm bells ringing.
Ok a mistake to go to his house, people have poor judgement at times and i will learn from this. Thanks x

[DevelopingDetritus]

Sounds like you need some new friends too. Giving you advice like that. Not good.

[WaegukSaram]

Ewww that is gross!

You dodged a bullet though. Lucky he showed his true colours so quickly.

[badabing36]

He is literally and figuratively a wanker.

Leave him alone. I would decide to be on my own for a while if I were you.

[DontSayIt]

NEVER go to a man's house on a first date. Its totally disrespectful of him to invite you there. I'd wait till date number 9 or 10 before that - basically until you can't wait any more to get a bit jiggy! Remember, if a man invites you to his house for dinner, you are the dessert!

[Whatatododo]

Visiting him at his home is not a first date!!

[EverythingEverywhere1234]

Well. I literally am shocked. What the fuck did you do when he just started wanking?!

[Bant]

Tired - well there are two issues here.

Firstly, your boundaries are waaaay too low. Your thinking that going round to his place for a non-date because you didn't have to dress up, well that's just going to present yourself to him as an easy shag. Do you not know this? He has to make no effort at all to get you to his home, which means you're obviously not worth any effort, which means you're worthless. A quick shag who will do all the running after him.

And of course you think that him wanking because you won't actually have sex with him means that he may push sexual boundaries in future. What future? Why would you even consider a future with a sex pest - albeit one who doesn't have to leave his home to expose himself to women.

Secondly, your friends probably mean well and think you deserve a bit of fun. You do deserve fun, you just have to value yourself enough to know that this guy is a waste of your time (and possibly shouldn't be around other people in general). Go for dates. Get pursued by decent men. Set your boundaries high before you do that though, otherwise you're going to get more eyefuls and treated badly, because for some reason you think you don't deserve better than that

[DevelopingDetritus]

He's no good OP.

[Emmageddon]

@Tiredbutnotyetretired what did you do when he got his dick out and started giving it some attention? I'd have been up and out the door in seconds if some guy did that - it's not appropriate behavior at all.

[Tiredbutnotyetretired]

Well that was what made me think, if this is a first meet ,and he does that, then what type of sexual boundaries could be pushed in future? I still cant get my head around it, its such a private thing.
Wont look at him in the same way again i dont think

[olderthanyouthink]

No fucking way! Seriously? Who does that?!

Never see this guy again.
And wtf are your friend doing encouraging you into this shit?

[Polarbearflavour]

That is incredibly weird! Stick with coffee for a first date in a public place. I would avoid this guy in future!

[LonginesPrime]

So he was sat there getting himself off on the fact he was making you awkward?

Aside from all the other craziness that this date involved, his turn-ons would be a huge red flag.

What a weirdo.

[Emmageddon]

He had a wank in front of you?

What the hell?

I wouldn't have any qualms about telling him straight that you are definitely not interested. If he asks why you could tell him you don't go out with tossers.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

You're worth so much more Sweet, you really are.
Remember, there can be no love, without respect.
Just put it behind you, and move forward. (S-L-O-W-L-Y). 😄

[Adora10]

I just don't get how any of your friends would be encouraging you to go to a man's house on a first date; that is not a date; that's a booty call, every time.

A coffee is a date, you don't have to get dressed up; even without him behaving so badly please don't go to any man's house on a first date; they are basically asking you to have sex with them.

[Tiredbutnotyetretired]

I am staying away from men from now! And yes thats what he did, didnt know how to react, just shocked really.
Clearly only wanted one thing and i should have left at the first red flag but years of being told im a drama queen, im over the top etc have made me doubt my own judgement. Tbh i was encouraged by my friends (not his/not mutual) to "go for it" "you only live once" etc and it felt right to go because i did like him and i know it was a bit of a wrong move to go to his house but it suited me in a way that i didnt feel pressured to get dressed up and it felt less formal iykwim , but ive seen another side to him that has made me think twice.
Staying well away, thank you all for the advice x

[Adora10]

He clearly wanked off cos you wouldn't oblige, you really need to get counselling OP; going to a man's house on a first date and look what happened; you're putting yourself at serious risk.

I think you should stay away from all men until you can actually understand the situations.