How to show your wobbly bits with confidence when you are newly dating?

[welshcakesareyummy]

I have recently started dating again after a small stint at it after my divorce.
This time I feel ready to, hopefully meet someone. My confidence has grown since chatting on here and going on a few dates. I can actually meet for coffee without hyperventilating.
I know it's early days but I am really thinking about backing out again. The reason being....my body. I am a shapely size 14 and in clothes I feel rather confident. I get complimented on how I look quite often which is lovely. I know how to dress for my shape, I suppose. I try my best to look nice. With no clothes on I'm wobbly, my boobs are saggy, I have stretch marks and a jelly belly. I'm not over exaggerating here. I know all women have something they're not happy with but honest I'm actually quite ugly looking naked.
I know men like confidence and I do try. One day I'm going to have to be naked or dress and undress, holidays on the beach. It all fills me with dred.

[welshcakesareyummy]

Maybe that's what it is. I have never had someone to show me that's what they love.
I know I have to love me first though. So working on that first.

[notnowfrank]

There's so much about my body I don't like - chunky thighs, new 40+ wobbly tum, in particular - but I find it helpful to focus on sensuality rather than the unattainable-without-Photoshop 'sexiness'. I feel best in my skin when I've done a bit of exercise (a quick Shred, only 25 mins!), followed by a warm bath, and then plenty of body butter to make my skin soft and smooth. It makes me think of what my body can do - lift weights, run, create life, sustain me - rather than what size of clothes I'm currently cramming it into.

And yes, sometimes I feel self conscious in bed but a strategically placed spaghetti strap vest helps (apologies if TMI!) - pull it down and it's like an instant, no-fuss bustier type thing which hoiks you up while masking a bit of tummy wobble at the same time.

I'm lucky to have a DH who loves me, flab and all, and insists on telling me so - that Reddit thread reminded me a lot of the things he says, so honestly men like that are out there. Your body has done incredible things, but more than that, it houses YOU, and that's all a loving partner ever sees.

[welshcakesareyummy]

Thankyou
I'm going to keep reading these posts and recommended inspiration. Try and build some confidence I think before I continue to date.
True about facebook post. I was mad because he is always posing rubbish.

[HelenaDove]

The pancakes comment is the usual body shaming shite. And it doesnt even make sense as lots of women get given chocolates on Valentines Day.

And Shrove Tuesday is not next week Its on the 28th this year,

[TheCakes]

I had this angst when I first met DH. Confided in a close friend. She said: "Never underestimate the power of a great pair of tits on a man. You really think he's going to be looking at your belly?"
She was right :)
And after the first time I grew in confidence.
Relax and enjoy yourself. Flaunt your good bits, ignore the rest.

[welshcakesareyummy]

WhoeverUWantToBe - Very very true! I instantly thought beautiful when I searched bodyposipandas posts so yes likewise. Never thought of it like that.
Ashley Graham is one of my inspirations. I will definitely be getting one of her swimsuits.
Thankyou for your kind post. Good luck to you too. You are doing amazing, keep it up.
Thankyou again. I am so glad I posted 😊

[WhoeverUWantMeToBe]

Welshcakes, I'm so happy to have helped. Believe me, if I can work through my body issues, anyone can (recovered bulimic here.)

I'm not pretending I always feel 100% great about my body, but I feel okay, and that particular Instagram has really helped me to adjust to my chubbier post-recovery body. I think, "Hey, if I see bodyposipanda as 100% gorgeous - cellulite, soft belly and all - isn't it possible someone else looking at me could see me as attractive too, even though I have those things?"

Bodyshaming like that makes me furious. Remember, body positive Instagram spaces are always there if you need a refreshing reminder that it's okay for women to have wobbly bits. A bit of squish doesn't stop you being attractive, and deserving of fun, and dating, and great sex, and trips to the beach (splash out on an Ashley Graham swimsuit if you want some extra beach confidence - she's a plus size model and honestly one of the most beautiful women in the world, look her up.)

I wish you all the best becoming more comfortable and confident with your body. I'm cheering you on. Enjoy your wine, enjoy scrolling through the body positive Instagram world, and enjoy your future dating! You deserve it - exactly as you are, soft bits and all

[welshcakesareyummy]

Ps Aussiemum78 your ex sounds like a right dick! Glad you have gained the confidence to feel good. So you should! Enjoy
Ps to all the posters that have gone the same and built their confidence back up. Well done!
Inspired and hoping to do the same x

[welshcakesareyummy]

Thankyou Aussiemum78 will do that now
Been looking through bodyposipandas instagram posts. Very uplifting.
Just been on my Facebook account and read this 'to all the beautiful girls happy valentines and to all the fat girls chin up its pancake day next week' The poster is someone I know. I sooooo want to say something. I feel so mad now after reading so many stories of body shaming etc

[Aussiemum78]

Op try looking up Celeste Barber as well...she's great to help you see your image positively...also very funny

[welshcakesareyummy]

WhoeverUWantMeToBe - I just want to say thankyou so so much I have been struggling alone for so long. I feel less alone writing this post and reading so many positive comments. I just clicked on your link and had a little nose and feel so so so much better already. Actually quite emotional. I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine later and read some posts on there. Thankyou again so much

[WhoeverUWantMeToBe]

I'm on my computor now so should be able to link...

www.instagram.com/p/BIiPcrqBiV3/?taken-by=bodyposipanda

[LosingDory]

That reddit thread made me quite upset...I've never had anyone who I thought would be thinking that about my body (until recently). Still hard believing it though so I know where you're coming from!

[Theharderitry]

Sexual confidence is the biggest turn on for men and lack of it the biggest turn off. If you work on that then the rest will follow.

Sexy underwear, having a slightly adventurous side and being dominant when the opportunity comes have always worked!

[Aussiemum78]

Let me just tell you - there was nothing my ex didn't say about my body. He criticised my weight, saggy boobs, hairy legs...and use your imagination what else he said about my body after childbirth.

My first sexual partner after him, I had no confidence, but he's actually a trusted friend and helped me regain my confidence. I've been with 4 others since and I'm getting more confident all the time. Not one cared about my belly - they were all too busy telling me I've got great boobs, and legs or that my confidence is a turn on.

It's hard at first, it gets easier. I'm having the time of my life now. But if you can start with a friend it might help.

[welshcakesareyummy]

Thankyou for all your support everyone.
whoever - yes I will let you know. I will look later when I'm home from work

[WhoeverUWantMeToBe]

Entirely my bad - it's bodYposipanda - please let me know if you find it. I honestly find it so healing and strongly recommend it.

I don't always feel good about my body, but I've definitely stopped beating myself up constantly about having a bit of jiggle and squish! And accounts like that one have really helped the process.

[Chocolatefudgecake100]

Just letting u know i struggle too

[Trills]

Caitlin Moran once said that the only people who would ever be seeing her naked boobs would be approaching them in an attitude of gratefulness - hungry children and men who were about to get laid.

[welshcakesareyummy]

Ps I'm having trouble finding that account on Instagram

[HelenaDove]

Crumbs i dont know how much weight OP has lost but im also a size 14 down from a 28 and you cant tone up loose skin. Which is what my wobbly tummy consists of. Its not hanging or anything just wobbly But its loose skin and only surgery can correct it As i have been told by doctors in the past.

[welshcakesareyummy]

Wow! Just read all these posts. Thankyou
Definitely never thought about how men feel and been focusing so much on my insecurities, not thinking about how they well have them too.
Definitely will invest in great underwear too.
Started my workout dvd so feeling more positive today. Thanks to all of your positive and helpful advice. It has honestly made me feel less alone.
I hope when it comes to it I will feel confident!

[Minime85]

I once read a reply to something similar on mumsnet that was something like

A naked woman wanting to have sex with you, no thanks said no man ever.

We all have wobbly bits in the real world and whilst I'm with you on how it makes you feel I just get lost in the sex. When it happens, go for it and enjoy