Affair?

[Looneytune253]

Long story short if I can. Hubby became protective over his phone, started using it a lot more about a year and a half ago. He had an accident I found messages (of support) from a woman he works with. There were lots (I mean pages of chat from messenger) but all innocent enough. We talked about it and he understood how it made me uncomfortable.

Fast forward to last night I was looking at our daughters mobile account to check she wasn't going over her allowances and I noticed his was super high. When I had a look there was pages and pages of texts to one number. (On itemised bill). Asked him why there were so many and who it was and he replied probably x from work (one of his male colleagues). When I searched the number on Facebook it was actually the other lady. I don't know what to think. There's like 30 messages a day. He deletes all his texts tho (which is another red flag) so dont know what to say.
I genuinely don't think he would be sleeping with her or anything and he's horrified at how it looks but I feel really hurt and betrayed. He did actually get rid of his phone last night as he doesn't want it to be like that. He says she texts everyone and is just jokes etc back and forth and shes very needy generally but just a nice lady generally. What do u think?

[Looneytune253]

I just thought I was being ridiculous originally (still do ironically) and there's a complete lack of evidence but thought I was going crazy feeling like there was more. It's still niggling me but I'm gonna have to try and move past it unless something else comes of it.

[ladylambkin]

I found out about my husbands affair in the same way ..we had joint phone bill (I don't think this is controlling either )

He denied it all but said he was leaving anyway as no longer in love with me

He is now married to the person he was texting up to 70 times a day whilst we were married

[Ellapaella]

So why are you asking us on here if you have already convinced yourself he is innocent?

[Looneytune253]

At the moment he doesn't have his phone at all. Don't think it will be practical long term tbh. He doesn't need it for work or anything and his mum has just been calling my phone but he will need one. He's not a fan of social media or phones in general so it's not been a big miss. For all the cynics though he hasn't had the chance this week to use a 'second phone' as we've been together this whole time. He also would never have had time for anything physical to have happened as he rarely goes out and he's at home at his mums or at work (set times and always home on time). He's happy to cut contact with this lady and be more open with me. He says there's definitely nothing for me to worry about and I guess I'll never really know for definite what was in the messages but it seems drastic to split on the 'evidence' I do (or don't) have. It has been hard for me but he's been open and honest this past few days to try and make things better.

[JinnanTonik]

When my ex changed his behaviour, turned his computer screen, phone away from me when we were sat together I got that old 'spidey sense' tingle in my gut!

Turned out it was the widow of a friend of his who he met at the lads funeral ( we had two children under five at the time so I didn't go ) well she had lost her Husband so she decided to take mine....I dumped his sorry ass!.....so did she when she got him and realised what a whiny twat he is on a full time basis! He smashed through a series of unsuitable Plenty of Fish dates!!! I shouldn't have laughed.....but I did!

My life with DH2 (younger model ) is much better!!! It does kick you in the gut BUT he's a cock and you deserve better! Chin up old girl!

[WingsofNylon]

Looney please explain his phone situation now.

[Sherlock35]

Why has he gotten rid of his phone? Don't work need it to contact him? Or his family?

[Looneytune253]

Lol, controlling behaviour by accessing and paying phone bills online. I've heard it all now!!

[ravenmum]

So just some unconstructive criticism for someone in a difficult situation.

[lucymeadows]

Controlling for reading bills. Naïve to not realise what's going on. Or kidding herself whichever term you wish to use.

[ravenmum]

So in your opinion the OP is naive and controlling, Lucy, do I understand you right?

[lucymeadows]

Of course he's having an affair. Come along now. I've been reading these threads for years and the naïvety is just astounding. How can you access his phone bill? My H and I have separate accounts and neither of us can access them. The way it should be. Accessing other people's bills is controlling behaviour imo.

[SandyY2K]

If his memory is bad after the accident, why is he deleting messages? I'd have thought that's all the more reason to keep them.

[Frankelly66]

One of my partners friend was having an affair, as soon as his wife found out he simply got a second phone... he came clean after a few months and he's been with other woman ever since.

[cosytoaster]

All v suspicious - is there any way you can retrieve the 'phone? Mine has a history of texts that still show even when the texts themselves have been deleted. Unless I could see those texts I wouldn't believe him at all. This is also how I found out about my ex's affair - he denied everything too and said the woman was just needy and clingy and he felt sorry for her. Sorry OP

[MaccaPaccaismyNemesis]

Where is the phone now? I'd be getting hold of it NOW and sending a smiley face or a 'hi' and see what you get back.

[KnittedBlanketHoles]

Get his phone out of the bin and text her a wink, see what she replies...

[mamakena]

Sorry OP, it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck....at this point you need to get your ducks in a row ...

[OrcinusOrca]

The issue for me is the deleting. You don't delete unless you don't want someone to see. That could be because you said you were uncomfortable before, but even if it is that, it isn't OK that he is basically carrying on and belittling how you said you feel by hiding it. He must be getting something out of it to be replying. Does she make him feel better about himself? Is he miserable and she's really funny? Is he lonely because you two rarely see each other and it's just someone to chat to?

You know what is out of character for him. My DH isn't very good at having friends so I would be very alarmed if this was him. But then I, for example, am someone who always has my phone in my hand and messages a lot, though I don't delete stuff and I wouldn't be at all bothered if DH saw the kind of things I say.

[ThePinkOcelot]

If it smells like bullshit, it is bullshit!

Sorry op but it doesn't look good.

[ravenmum]

He got rid of his phone? What does that mean?

My ex was a Good Guy. It makes it harder for them to admit they are doing anything wrong, and easier for them to make you feel bad about suspecting them. Accusing a Good Guy suffering from memory loss after his accident of having an affair just based on him texting a woman constantly and secretively for 1.5 years? Clearly it can't be the poor Good Guy who is unreasonable.

Did he dramatically throw his phone in the bin to prove it and make it your fault he has to get a new one, coincidentally with fingerprint recognition?

[Wellitwouldbenice]

So you're using his poor memory following an accident to excuse the number of messages he's sent, of course he can't remember bless him. But his memory is excellent when it comes to deleting all the messages. Yeah, right..

[temporarilyjerry]

Getting rid of his phone is a massive over-reaction if this is an innocent friendship.

[Cricrichan]

If it's innocent, why is he deleting them?

[WingsofNylon]

What do you mean he doesn't have a phone now? What happened to it?