How to be good MIL

[lndngg]

My MIL has pretty consistently made our lives difficult - I won't go into the details but she has suggested my husband leave us several times, including once when I very ill and ended up in hospital. Both my husband and myself have been to therapy and invited her back into our lives several times for us to always end up hugely disappointed, I've very confident that at this stage the problem isn't us.

I have boys and am terrified of the same thing happening when they are older. Please tell me there are other people who get on with their MILs! What does a normal relationship look like? Obvs at he point with my current MIL when I feel we have to protect our family but thinking of my relationship with my boys in the future.

[P1nkP0ppy]

My MIL was the one from hell 😱

I'm a MIL and I am very lucky to have a lovely DDIL. I'm careful to be helpful but not intrusive and happy to do whatever when asked.

[SeaEagleFeather]

I think be there, let your DIL know you'll help (as far as you reaosnably can) but make sure you have real interests outside your family.

Be aware that childrearing practices have changed and evolved!

Listen as well as talk, don't repeat private stuff.

My own MIL is a spikey gem. She's incredibly loving and warm, but she can be incredibly tactless (it was a difficult moment when she wrote us a letter saying that we shouldn't have let our 7yo have a blunt penknife because he had a temper, and children were more quick to be violent towards others and stab each other nowadays!) She also tends to tell us what to do, which gets annoying and has alienated a lot of her siblings :( she was the eldest and did a lot of bringing them up, I think that it's hard to lose that habit of overorganising other people.

She can take it when you tell her to back off though and if there's a problem, I can be certain that we can talk it out. I miss her if she can't come to our weekly dinner. I wanted her there at the birth of our children.

[Tenshidarkangel]

Don't be a dick.

Job done.

Nah, just treat her as you'd want to be treated. She will make mistakes, don't hold them against her and don't think the sun shines out of your sons bums. There is always 2 sides to every story. Stay impartial and don't judge her.
Ply her with alcohol and food.

[MatildaTheCat]

Pretty much all of the above and only ever offer an opinion if you are asked for it and then only with great caution.

And never, ever go round when DIL is in hospital giving birth and rearrange the kitchen cupboards!