My best friend is friends with someone I don't like

[tellmefriends]

My best friend is friends with someone I don't like, can't stand. My fren knows and acknowledged my feelings and also said I'm more important than them. But still going out with the other person. Am I being a silly to feel kind of jealous and uncomfortable with this friendship...

[JB524]

Old thread but well said. I'm in a similar situation right now. A friend whose friends with someone they know picked on & bullied me. They even went to defend me against them once & now they're FB friends. Idk who added who first but it bothers me. Sometimes ppl add ppl on there they cant stand to be petty & si they can see how their lives are vs there's. That's not me. Back to my "friend" I've chosen to keep my distance.

[Interestedwoman]

This happened with a friend of mine- 2 or more of us didn't like a friend of hers because she was cold and nasty. Eventually she was like this to my friend too.

Don't worry, if she's like that, it's only a matter of time before she's also like it to your friend, and they lose touch.

[JB524]

Did you tell your other friend how she changed and how she had been treating you?

[JB524]

Question. How did they harras you? Was it traumatizing yrs later?

[RubySmith]

I totally understand this. We used to be a group of three. Me and one of the girls had a massive argument while at school, she turned into a completely different person, I couldn’t even understand how I could ever have been friends with her. My best friend went to a different school to us so didn’t see how the other girl was treating me, it was seriously one of the hardest times in my life, made worse by the fact I didn’t know what I’d done to make her hate me and the fact that she was still friends with my best friend. Every now and then I see them hang out and it just really hurts, I know I’m her bestest friend, she’s reassured me, but I still feel horrible sometimes. Sometimes I catch myself while hanging out with her, thinking about whether I’m being as fun as the other girl, it’s horrible. I don’t want her to drop a friend because me and that person fell out. It’s a horrible situation :(

[itchyknees]

I’m in a similar position. It’s sad, after all the years we have been friends but I’m gently distancing myself. These are her choices not mine, so she has to own the consequences.

[Laura0806]

I know this is an old thread but it's interesting to see the different views. You will have come to terms with this one way or the other now. I am in a very similar position and wondering if I'm unreasonable to be upset that a supposedly very close friend of mine who knows how badly this other lady has treated me is now becoming friendly with her and attending classes that she runs ( she had no friendship with her before). Personally I think loyalty is a massive deal in friendships and if someone had treated a good friend of mine very badly I would distance myself from them. This would make me think twice ( and has done) about your best friend I'm afraid.

[Groovee]

I have someone who has asked me twice to stop being friends with someone she had fallen out with. Both times I told her that I wasn't taking sides and there was no was I was choosing. Ironically, she's friends with someone who bullied me horrendously and has tried to lie to me that they aren't friends when it is so obvious they are. I would never have bothered about them being friends, but her lying to me is why I have issues with it all.

[dudsville]

You're quite right Dixie, I missed that and I would feel the same. Apologies OP. I've used MN this week as a distraction but I was clearly too distracted to read thoroughly!

[Onenerfwarfrombreakdown]

poldark of course there is trust in friendships if they are of any depth at all beyond casual social niceties.

I utterly trust my best friend, she's had my back since we were teenagers, she knows stuff about the wild young me that no one else does ( including DH) and vice versa. We are each other's support through good times and bad. If I thought there was the chance she was telling stuff to someone I didn't like or who had been horrible to me, then she wouldn't be my best friend! But she wouldn't.
she'd be the first one there with the shotgun and shovel to deal with anyone who hurt me
Kidding.
kind of


OP no, you can't dictate who she is friends with, but if she's happy to carry on being friendly with someone who's been nasty to you, I would be careful. Shows a certain lack of concern for you and your feelings.

[KeepCoolCalmAndCollected]

Tellmefriends, your friend doesn't have much loyalty to you.
Honestly if it upsets you this much (and I believe you have every right to be upset), distance yourself or totally end the relationship with her.

Not the same, but I have been in a similar situation, where a friend starting nit-picking/slagging off two of our other friends when they weren't present.
I didn't like this shallow/nasty behaviour and saw quite a nasty side to her character, and In the end the friendship ended with her, and myself and the other two. Myself and the other two are all still friends to this day, without her in the picture.

Life is too short and there are a lot of good potential friends out there - just watch the baddens!

Good luck x

[dudsville]

I'm friends with people who are friends with people I don't like. I've never noticed it before. Maybe have a think about what about it bothers you and think it through from there?

[kissmethere]

Sorry make time for your friend WITHOUT the other one...

[kissmethere]

You have to accept that your friends has friends that you won't like. It's shit that she's treated you badly but she's your friends friend so you don't have to make any effort with her.
Don't stand there and take it though if she's rude to you. Do make the time with your friend with the other one.
I have friends who's friends I dislike but I couldn't give a toss. They're in their wider circle not mine.

[Offred]

If someone was unreasonably shitty to my best friend I wouldn't like them very much just for that reason.

Mind you I don't tend to like people who are unreasonably shitty to anyone at all.

I think therefore that maybe your best friend is perhaps not as close to you as you are to her.

Guess it depends what the other person actually did/said to you.

If it was unreasonably shitty then I think YANBU to think your best friend is either not a very good friend or not a very nice person or both.

[BerylStreep]

I have a friend who has remained on friendly terms with someone who was horrendously shitty to me.

I recognise that my experience is not her experience, and I have to respect her choices.

Having said that, I did have an honest conversation with my friend about my experience with the other person, and whilst I wouldn't want to influence her, nor do I want to be thrust together in social situations. My friend recognises and respects that.

Beyond that initial conversation, we don't really discuss it at all.

[Whitechester]

It's horrible but something you just have to suck up I'm
Afraid and trust your friend.

Fwiw my best friend and her husband have remained friends with my ex husband who cheated on me and the OW. I just deal with it as best I can

[ElizabethHoney]

Poldark, of course there needs to be trust in friendships!

Quantatively and qualitatively different to the trust in a long-term relationship or marriage, sure, but still trust.

[IreallyKNOWiamright]

It's sad when this happens. I became friends with someone and then she became entangled in a friendship where they were in and out of each others houses, pockets, and so on.
I think you will have to be careful what you say to your friend now she is friends with this other person. And possibly make an effort to find some new friends

[magoria]

I don't think I would remain friends with someone who was happy to be all matey and have fun with someone who had been deliberately shitty to me.

I would phase them out and find another friend.

[lokivonpoki]

I can completely understand where you are coming from, I once had a good friend who became friends with someone else, I can only think that this someone else was jealous of the friendship that me and original friend had. She did everything she could to cause problems including telling my friend that she thought I was going after her DH- so far off the mark it was laughable! My friend said that it wasn't remotely true but still continued to be friends with her, it hurt me so much that my friend-that although she said it wasn't true she continued to be friends with her. There's a saying that friends that have your back when you aren't present are true friends that will always be there for you.
I think it just hurt that she wanted to continue a friendship with someone who could be that nasty and hurtful to her supposed best friend, our friendship didn't continue, I just couldn't get over her lack of loyalty. Which is what you are taking about I suppose, she isn't loyal enough to you to not forge a friendship with this person. Unless of course the reason you don't like her is that she pushed in front of you in queue or something.

[tellmefriends]

Like ElizabethHoney said this other person has been mean to me and done some rude things against me, which my friend knows, so it does makes me angry and uncomfortable.... but like you all are saying I'm no one to ask my friend to choose.

[PoldarksBreeches]

What does trust have to do with it? Are you dating this person? Because if not, there is no need to trust them or not trust them.