What percentage of women are unhappy in their current relationship/marriage?

[noego]

Talking to a school mum today and she reckons that 80% of women at the school collecting their kids are unhappy. Don't know if I actually believe it is that high. She also reckons that in 2nd marriages/LTR's its higher than that. Anybody got any actual facts?

[thiswashelpful]

Reading through the posts...and then thinking about extended family, friends, co-workers, etc. that I think I'd know reasonably well. ...That 80% number seems very high based on my totally subjective count.

Of course, I can never really know what is going on in other peoples lives, but I would have thought about 50% unhappy? Which is very bad when you think about it too!

[aurynne]

Married, no children, I couldn't be happier.

The majority of my married friends and family seem pretty happy, but as others have said, you never know what happens behind closed doors.

[Thatwaslulu]

hare nah he's too lazy to have an affair. And too old. But thanks, that's such a lovely viewpoint to have.

[hareOrRabbit]

think this is really sad. I am happily married to my best friend

you just think you are happy. he's probably having an affair or if he isn't yet will be in future.

have a look on this site for the MILLIONS of posts that start 'I thought we were so happy and knew he was the kind of man who'd never cheat on me. I never suspected. he's my best friend but tonight I discovered.....'

everyone always thinks it will never be them/their husband.

[MrsP103]

Seem and are can be totally different. Lots of people put on a front.

[Thatwaslulu]

I think this is really sad. I am happily married to my best friend, and most of my circle of married friends seem really happy, but it is interesting what you say about second marriages being unhappy. I am a second wife myself, although it is my own first marriage. Got me wondering...

[YetAnotherGuy]

My own experience of Married Couples - where I can be 80+% confident I'm right

Happy
DW/me, My parents, 2 x DDs, Brother, DW's Brother, 2 x Nieces, 3 x Nearest Neighbours, 3 x Close Colleagues, 6 x Close Friends

Not happy
PIL, DW's Sister, 1 x Close Colleague

I make that 85% Happy. And that increases if I keep extending the circle of friends

[Myusernameismyusername]

I've been happier single to be honest. It's much easier

[MrsP103]

I think men are more likely to be happy if they buy into the family life that comes along after they get married and accept the new relationship they have as a result. I think the ones who don't are much more likely to be unhappy as I personally think a lot of women do change once kids come along.

The carefree young vibrant woman they met is often a distant memory after 2 kids, years of sleepless nights and the daily grind of running the house and managing the kids.

Those men who accept this and get stuck in with the kids etc will be happier in my opinion.

A lot of unhappy women will stay in relationships regardless for the sake of the kids and to keep this ideal of "not splitting the family up"

A good number of my friends would say they were not totally happy with their partner.

[Mamatallica]

My dad stuck it out for the sake of us kids and I've always appreciated him for it. Children deserve parents who put them first not run off to follow their own selfish desires. Except in cases of abuse, marriage is for life.

[threelittlerapscallions]

My parents were not particularly happy though and stayed married for my sake.

[threelittlerapscallions]

I am lucky enough to be happily married. I have one friend I think is not happy (though nothing said) and all others are either separated or happily married. Maybe people don't confide their true feelings though and there are more unhappy than that. Sad if the 80% is true.

[pinkyredrose]

mama your post makes me very sad. You're modelling a negative relationship model to your son. Fwiw I have a good friend who's parents views were similar to yours. She wished for years her parents would divorce, she knew they were only together for her. She felt responsible for their unhappiness.

[growapear]

Dunno where those stats come from, but many of my friends (man) are unhappily married as well and stay for the kids.

[Mamatallica]

The idea of never having to see the MIL again is bloody tempting though!

[Mamatallica]

I couldn't afford to get divorced, I don't want to have to force our friends to take sides and most of all, I could never put DS through it. His happiness is worth more than mine. Not many people are genuinely happy imo and my marriage could be worse I guess. I made a commitment and I'm sticking with it, people quit too easily and the children always suffer.

[Myusernameismyusername]

My ex would have stayed with me so he didn't lose the house and kids even though we were not happy

[BartholinsSister]

I've seen it before where an unhappily married man will stay in a dead marriage because to leave will compromise his involvement with his children.

[TheNaze73]

I agree keeping

Men don't have the kahuna's sometimes, hence the affairs or provocative behaviour to put the decision on someone else. Sad really

[keepingonrunning]

Quote from Telegraph article, "Why do women initiate divorce more than men?"
"Many men will have thought to themselves, at least once in life: “I won’t break up with her, I’ll just be a complete tool until she ends it”. The divorce stats are perhaps just a reflection of the fact that men are cowards. Women are more likely to have the balls to call time on a failing relationship; men are more likely to simply wait to be told that it’s over." 08/10/13
Written by male journalist if it's relevant.

[keepingonrunning]

I agree with Halfapint

Theman Women will very often put up with no end of shit in a relationship, including abuse, rather than end it because they are led to believe in the two-parent ideal for their DC. They have often also been raised with the expectation that women are the emotional caretakers of relationships and will hold out hope for years that things will get better, if only they jumped through x number of hoops/could find a way to make H be more considerate/had more counselling/were more understanding/ratcheted things up in the bedroom/read more self-help books. If so many women are unhappy, why dont they end the relationship? You will find that in the majority of cases it is the woman who ends the relationship. Two thirds of divorces are initiated by wives.
You sound bitter. I suspect that it is much more frequently the case that when he has served his purpose, they just let him hang around in the desperate hope he will step up and play an active loving part in the family so that both partners and DC can be happy and content together.

[TowerRingInferno]

Based on conversations with my closest friends - most!

[Halfapintofshandy]

I am much happier married than when I was young, free and single.

Interesting you chose to use the word free there then!!!

The same percentage as men I would imagine!

I doubt this. Statistically, married men are consistently shown in surveys to be the second happiest category (single women are top).

A typical dynamic remains that in a family the women is the primary child carer (obviously not in all families but it remains v common) and the woman often also takes responsibility for "running" the house day to day - cooking, cleaning (or hiring & organising the cleaning/nanny) and so forth. SAHF are less common than SAHM - so a MM is far more likely to have more freedom - "meeting after work" actually = "drinks after work".

Plus MM due to more work opportunities are also more likely to have affairs - which if kept concealed can = a very happy MM (ie. lots of sex with a new partner + security of family and wife at home).

So I would completely disagree that the % of unhappy men in marriages is likely to be the same as % of unhappy women. Plus as I said - statistically not borne out.

[Dadaist]

I think they say the first thirty years of marriage are the worst! Lol
I suppose second marriages can fall because once you've been through and come out of the other side of a first marriage, there may less reason to think that vows can't be broken or that divorce is not an option?

[Fi7823]

The same percentage as men I would imagine!

Let's face it once the initial lust stage wears off and kids come along, marriage is dull for most of the time!