Reasonable time to think?

[happyinherts]

So my lovely six date friendship appears to be on rocky ground and I thought it was fine.

Felt ill on the last date but didn't want to burden him with it. Told him later that I'd experienced an intolerance to a food and ended up in A&E. After the weekend was very surprised not to have even received a 'how are you message.' He was at work but able to text etc. I did send a general message asking was everything okay, bad vibes.

Hours later on his way home from work I receive the following - "I like you very much and I've always enjoyed the time we've spent together, but I'm not sure where I see things going in the long term and I don't want to lead you on only to let you down later."

Fair enough, but it's a bit ambiguous - he isn't sure? Or is this a goodbye wrapped up in nice clothing? And anyway, when was he going to mention it? Nice to receive such on screen, isn't it... My reply was to ask whether he'd made his mind up and was it worth discussing in person because I thought that was the decent thing to do.

Yes, he said he was open to discussion and hadn't made his mind up. I suggested he think about this and make an arrangement with me at some point... Thing is, how long is reasonable to wait. It's a killer. This man is kind, polite, gentlemanly, gave no impression he wasn't happy (which he clearly isn't)... Is it a fob off, as in he'll disappear off my planet or do I leave it a week, take bull by horns with little expectation and ask for clarity?

I'm not at that point yet, don't wish to be publically humiliated but what would you all do? Leave it with no expectation, start all over again although you do want clarity or ask for a meet at some point next week?

[LesisMiserable]

That's all fine, I'm just saying an all or nothing approach to anything in life including half the human race (men!) is a bit extreme and intense is it not? So he planned date 7,8 and 9 and bailed on 6. It happens. It's not about you so why on earth you are contemplating depriving the rest of the available and suitable male population the opportunity to meet and get to know you is madness, you must agree? When you put it like that? I mean come on. Lighten up and stop this nonsense now and get back out there!

[LesisMiserable]

(And if your friends weren't busy they would be saying exactly the same thing - I hope!)

[PocketWatchFob]

"I like you very much and I've always enjoyed the time we've spent together, but I'm not sure where I see things going in the long term and I don't want to lead you on only to let you down later."

Your problem here is that (because you liked him) you are looking for a grain of hope and zoning in the wrong thing and seeing a tree, when you should be looking at the wood.

You are focusing on "I'm not sure" and not hearing the overall message. The "I'm not sure" is being polite and kind. He is sure because he's telling you he doesn't see a future in it.

To put it another way, if a friend came to you and said someone had said to her "I don't want to be rude but you look like shit in that dress" - would you be saying "they said "I don't want to be rude" so therefore they didn't mean it"? NO of course not.

You are looking for a grain of hope where none exists. He's not for you. Move on.

[happyinherts]

i was in shock, so I guess you hear what you want to hear. I do realise I'm barking up the wrong tree. I've maintained no contact for five days and I'm sure it will get easier.