Help me put this into perspective and stop me making a tit of myself

[Alfiemoon1]

I have no reason to be suspicious of dh and know I am being irrational but
To cut a long story my sister bought dd a horse for Christmas no I am not a troll. The yard we are at is very friendly mainly all woman. Dh has taken this surprise horse extremely well he loves being at the yard and goes most days after work he works night shift so it in the morning he poo picks mucks out etc. The yard has gone to being diy so we have come to an arrangement starting this week that v will put out our horse while dd is at school and we will bring hers in. So obviously there has been texts between v and dh why she doesn't text dd I don't know.
She seems to be constantly texting surely it can't be that difficult to sort out. He was late home the other day as he went looking for wire for her rabbit hutch which annoyed me as I have a few jobs round the house that need doing when I question what takes so long at the yard he's always helping her do this that or the other. Dd got a text to say the rabbit has escaped after dh fixed it. He never mentioned he had been round to fix it. I would of expected a text saying he was going to do it or even him to mention he had been to do it or a picture of it as I love animals
So I have been a bit niggly all week oh my jobs will have to wait as u are to busy
Well fast forward to last night and she starts texting her at 11.30 when we were in bed I was giving him a cuddle with the possibility of it leading to more but no he jumps up and starts texting her back. It was to do with horses but doesn't involve our arrangement or us plus she has a partner she can discuss things with
So I ve had paddy accused him of all sorts and attempted to sleep on the sofa last night. I am over thinking everything driving myself crazy and am forcing myself not to text her to say stuff the arrangement I will put our horse out and stop texting dh which of course I will regret on cold winter mornings. Someone give me a slap and tell me to stop being so daft

[Happybunny19]

I think your main problem is the horse, not v or your husband. It's clearly too much to manage so why are you continuing to struggle and actually put your marriage at risk. It's crazy!

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

I'm sorry you are having a dofficult time.

Not dure what else to say though as it's nithing you'd like to hear!

[Alfiemoon1]

Well it's all kicking off again sorry to bore u but our arrangement with v is she puts the horses out in the morning as dd at school we bring in in the evening simple a like for like arrangement except dh has agreed we will do all of it at the weekend I work Saturday he works permanent nights dd doing her GCSE this year and also wants to spend time with her friends we have another lady at the yard who will bring our horse in but not v horse as she kicks anyone will bring ours in but nobody will bring v horse in. Dd not happy iam not happy so he's saying he will go just to bring v horse in even if he's working that is just mad. I said before they started talking about arrangements I wasn't being landed with every weekend as that happened at our previous yard but I've been ignored and now dd is annoyed with him as well. Told him to sort it out or I will text her its either we do every other weekend for each other or just Monday to Friday arrangement and sort our own horses at the weekend gggrrr

[Alfiemoon1]

Had a bit of a wobble today the whole point to the horse arrangement Is that dh won't need to go in the morning after work but as I was working late and my sister was taking dd to bring the horse in he went to muck out etc I knew v would be there and he seemed a long time so I got stressed he doesn't have a set time finishing work as he's a lorry driver but apparently he went did the jobs spoke to v then came home we chatted did the kids pumpkin together then had a quickie before I went to work sorry tmi but I feel more up for being intimate as he's being more attentive. Will he still be chatty and attentive now he's had sex I guess I will find out over the next few days. It's weird for me dtd in the middle of the day I have housework to do but for him working nights it's bed time lol. Hoping we can work things out because the last week has been horrendous

[ohdearme1958]

Here's to your happy ending Alfiemoon

[FatOldBag]

I really hope things get better for you OP.

[EmeraldIsle100]

Great news OP. Maybe this was the wake up call that your marriage needed and the start of real communication between you. Best of luck.

[Alfiemoon1]

Current situation he's still here we are doing a lot of talking about everything. Went out on a day trip with his and ds jujitsu club today they knew about his giving up drinking as well. As i nag him so much about he didn't tell me his plans to give up or cut down apparently. Any other messages between him and v seem to be about the horse. He finally seems to get where I am coming from. He does seem to help everyone at the yard and generally loves being there. Still more talking to do but he is being more attentive to me. His excuse over the rabbit was he came after doing the hutch i was in work he went to bed and when he got up I was going to bed so it's cute floppy ears got forgotten. We are like ships that pass in the night at times. Not sure what will happen next but I am setting some boundaries over some long term issues like his drinking and that we need to communicate more

[Unrequitedlove]

How are you op?

[MistresssIggi]

I was worried about the potential affair but the drink problem is far worse in my view - and very damaging for your children to be around.

[ohdearme1958]

Sorry, just to add - the reason this all turned as quickly as it did is because your husband knows he's got you exactly where he wants you.

I'm sorry.

[ohdearme1958]

Alfie I'm not one to say LTB but how about you get him to go. You see, when people make threats about leaving it's a form of bullying. He knows you won't do anything to upset the status quo as it is now. He knows he had you over a barrel. So he is threatening you. And it's working.

Take the uncertainty away - tell him to go. If you are meant to get a happy ending with him you will.

[Alfiemoon1]

Still nothing from him about if he is leaving today although he's gone to the shop presumably to buy more beer. While I try to hold it together for the kids. I haven't eaten as I feel sick and have a headache

[ohdearme1958]

Alfie, I respect that. But please keep in mind that it takes two people to make a marriage work. Also that you can spend years trying to make it work alone and before you know it the years have gone by and you never get them back.

[sorryIam]

If you're gut instinct is that he is lying,about all this then its highly likely that he is.

[WamBamThankYouMaam]

My husband and I both have lots of opposite sex friends, not a people at all. I was out for dinner with a male friend last night, not a problem.

If either of us chose to prioritise readings texts from those friends over having sex with each other then that would be a very big problem indeed, likewise with the complete lack of boundaries, the lack of respect he is displaying towards you and the secretive behaviour.

[Alfiemoon1]

He's up and showered not spoke to me or the kids yet he's upstairs watching tv. He's not started packing so maybe an idle threat. Of course I don't want a divorce I want to work this out all of our problems out. It hasn't been a great marriage but I always hoped one day we would work it out

[ohdearme1958]

Today 09:52 Alfiemoon1

I had a previous post about my sister buying dd a surprise horse and paying for us to go to Florida on aibu I think if that's the post you are referring to

Yes that's the one.

Look, what with the drinking is now perhaps the time to have a think about your future?

Or if I recall correctly, and I'm sorry if I'm wrong - are there cultural issues that would make divorce something you'd have to think about very carefully.

[Unrequitedlove]

Alfie.. like another post said, it seems to be happening quickly..
He is treating you badly but would you consider marriage counselling? It may help or otherwise help with the separation process?

[Alfiemoon1]

He's still in bed both kids now up and heard us arguing last night so have explained sometimes people argue even adults just like they fall out with each other and their friends at times. Not sure how much they heard so have left it at that ds watching tv and about to do homework dd messing on her phone. She is the one who will stress the most about all this ds takes everything in his stride

[Helpisathand13]

This all seems to be happening so quick Alfiemoon1, I am sorry you are going through this with him. You are getting some perspective on your situation which is great and thinking practically about what ifs and next steps. I do wish you well and hope this awful situation comes to a positive conclusion for you and the kids, whatever that may be. Much love x

[Alfiemoon1]

I think he's having a mid life crisis lol. I don't think I am asking to much to be told if he's been to a friends house be it male or female. Waiting to see if he leaves today I can do it on my own I pretty much do anyway due to his work hours and drinking. He couldn't even renew his own car insurance lol. The only thing he contributes to this marriage is money and after a quick look at what I am entitled to I won't be much worse off and obviously won't be paying his bills. Thank god I increased my hours to over 16 hours when he was off work sick 2 years ago so I can get tax credIt's. Kids only see him twice a week on his nights off anyway as he chooses to sit up drinking in the day and not get up until after they have gone to bed so hopefully they should be ok

[TheHobbitMum]

Keep strong OP you are not at fault here, he's being a complete cockwomble! Your gut instinct is telling you there is something wrong and it's rarely wrong. Even if there isn't a full blown affair going on he has essentially chosen her over you anyway. We'll all be here handholding

[Unrequitedlove]

Your h is being very disrespectful of you and your feelings. It's 'non of your business' ?! 'You're a control freak'.. not exactly living caring and respectful. What on earth is wrong with him? I think there is more to it.
I know how it feels OP as I've had similar said to me in the past, needless to say he is now an ex. On the surface he is coming across as nice, helping v etc however behind closed doors this is how he treats his wife

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

He just chose her over your marriage.