Was your sibling frequently violent to you when you were growing up?

[user1468841624]

Just reflecting on my childhood, really.

I have one sibling, a brother who is older by 2 years.

I know DC have their squabbles and occasional scraps etc.

But my brother was consistently violent towards me. It didn't really stop until I was about 13/14. Was particularly bad from the ages of about 11-13 when we used to be alone together after school.

Not just the occasional slap, things like putting me into a headlock and running me headfirst into a wall.

I was terrified of him, there's still a mark in one the dining room chairs at my parent's house from where I put it behind a door handle to keep him out when he was trying to attack me.

Surely by 13/14/15 he should have known better than this?

I'm zero tolerance when it comes to violence with my own DC so find it so strange to look back on.

Sorry if this is a weird question, I'm in therapy at the moment and it's caused me to reflect on a lot of things!

[1950swoman]

My father had died. My mother was out at work. My brother was supposed to be looking after me. Ha, ha.

[1950swoman]

Yes. My brother was 9 years older than me. When I was 2 or 3 he used to order me to stand on the hall rugs, then pull them out from under me and roar with laughter when I fell. It progressed to endless teasing, ordering me about and thinking up ways to frighten me. He used to shut me in my mum's wardrobe and tip it up. He used to lock me out of the house when my mum was out at work and throw water at me when I came near the house. He used to make me stand in the dark, spooky hall, then creep up and touch me so I screamed which was, of course, hilarious. Once I was older, lashing out and hitting me took over. I once went to school with a black eye. Verbal abuse also became frequent, I was told I was stupid over and over, laughed at, criticised, told 'girls can't do' thing after thing. I cut him out of my life about ten years ago after he tried to force a visit with his doted on daughter despite having ignored my own struggle to gain a degree as a mature student and the academic successes of my three daughters. If I ever mentioned the latter, he simply blanked me. Nasty piece of work. Hope he rots in hell.

[Amandahugandkisses]

So sad reading this.
Seems to be v common. I grew up in a violent household too - we were all sisters.
I can't imagine what the older, stronger brothers were actually thinking doing that to their younger sisters. :(

[junebirthdaygirl]

I had a lot of brothers and sisters. We squabbled, took each other's clothes, teased a bit but not one of them ever laid a finger on me. Where were your parents? It's not normal and it's very painful thinking your parents didn't take proper care of you.

[Scrubbydubby]

Yep, my brother used to punch, kick and hit me. Acted like I was the most disgusting thing ever and would not talk to me/walk with me to the bus stop etc.
The last time I remember, he walked into the room I was in, punched me and walked out again, that was my 15th birthday so he would have been 17.5.

I don't speak to him and wouldn't care if I never saw him again.

Sorry to everyone that's been through similar.

[user1468841624]

Thanks for all of your responses, I've read and appreciated all of them.

I'm sorry to anyone who went through this as well.

I need to think what to do, now, as I don't think I've ever dealt with how it felt to grow up like that. It's really, really helped to have other's perspectives on this, so thank you everyone who took the time to reply

[Lordamighty]

My half B is 3 years older & was insanely jealous of me, this wasn't helped by DM who played us off against each other & I was the GC. This put me in a very dangerous position as both parents worked full time & we spent a lot of time alone. I sometimes think that if he could have killed me & got away with it he would have done, he probably still would to be honest.

If just one parent on here reads this thread & takes a zero tolerance attitude towards violence between siblings it will be worth it. No child should be afraid in their own home & when there is an age gap & a gender difference it isn't a fair fight it is violent assault.

No parent would stand by & allow an older stranger to assault their child, yet when it happens in their own home & under their noses all the excuses get trotted out.

I have LC with violent HB, he assaulted someone 4 years ago & had to wear a tag, the violence towards me was real & not imagined. He was a malevolent, violent, spiteful child who grew into a malevolent, spiteful man.

We still don't like each other.

[WiltingTulip]

Yes my brother was very violent and aggressive towards me. I would always try to fight back.

I think it was minimised because if you told people your brother hit you, they probably assumed it was a squabble without real injury. We were a well-to-do family btw.

When I became a parent I asked my dad why they didn't protect me, he didn't really get how bad it was.

I have 4 boys, people assume they fight and carry on, my face is always because they have never hurt each other and I wouldn't tolerate it!

Strangely enough, he stopped when he was about 13 and we are close and he's a really lovely, gentle man!

[TheStoic]

So sorry to hear these terrible stories. It is nothing less than domestic violence. :-(

My older brother did torment me a bit, but not often physically. I have zero tolerance for this between my own kids.

[BastardGoDarkly]

Oh, this makes me so sad to read.

My and my brother used to play fight, it got really rough at times, but was pretty equal.

My kids 9&5 kick each other sometimes, not playing either, this thread is making me think I should come down hard on any violence from them.

for all of you that suffered as children, and who's parents let them down so badly.

[TheLastRoseOfSummer]

On the other hand, my children do squabble (of course they do!), but they are fiercely protective of each other and never fight or are cruel. They are each other's greatest fan really.

I know that neither of them will ever feel as lonely as unloved as I have/do.

[TheLastRoseOfSummer]

Yes my brother was. He is 3 years younger than me. My mother was emotionally abusive and my dad physically (although my mother was emotionally abusive towards my dad too and I think the physical abuse from him was the only outlet he had. He'd have lost his job if he'd be found to be hitting my mum).

My mother never tried to stop my brother. He threatened me with a knife when he was about 10/11 and all she was concerned about when talking to him afterwards was that if he'd used it on me, he'd have gone to prison. Not that I'd have been hurt.

She allowed him to be violent towards me because she honestly believed I deserved it. And I think she enjoyed knowing that I knew that no one in the family liked me.

In fact, if I cried or was in pain or told her about it, all she use to say was, "well if I had a sister like you, I'd want to hurt her" and "if you were my sister, I'd hit you too". Things like that.

I'd forgotten about that side of things

I see my brother now but we don't have a great relationship. I recognise that he was as much of a 'victim' of my mother's parenting as I was, just in a different way.

[kaitlinktm]

Really sad to hear some of your stories.

My brother (17 months younger) and I used to jostle a bit but until he was about 11 he was small for his age and I was a lot taller so I was always told to be gentle with him. He used to swing at me in a paddy and I used to hold him at arm's length so that he couldn't get a hit at me - it must have been infuriating, but I wasn't a fighter.

However, when he grew bigger and stronger he suddenly realised he could wipe the floor with me and if it hadn't been for my parents' intervention I think he would have bullied me physically a lot. Once or twice he did so whilst they were out and really frightened me, (banging my head on the floor etc) but I didn't tell them because it was so awful and he was always on about telling tales, so I didn't.

He is lovely now though - so parental intervention must have worked.

[Cherrysoup]

Older brother by 18 months was abusive, physically violent and verbally, a total wanker, I wasn't allowed to sing along to a song, he used to hit me over the head, he was very controlling. I always got the blame for stuff that happened, but he was mother's golden child, I'm dad's, but dad was never around.

I fucking hated him, we're now very lc. My mother minimises everything and can't understand why I don't want to see him, she doesn't know the half of it.

[KramerVSKramer]

I'm an only one.

My wife is the oldest of four. The second daughter would grow her nails to scratch. She would bite. Their parents turned a blind eye. Why???

We have two boys. One 3. The other 20 weeks. We are so aware of the potential for bullying, hitting, scratching, belittling etc and will act if and when it comes up.

It's amazing what gets past some parents.

[jayho]

My sister is NC with mother now, I'm v low contact mainly just to support little sis who lives close and bears the burden of care. big sis is still consume by her ill treatment and rants endlessly. I find it hard.

[3littlebadgers]

My older brother was quite violent to me too. My parents just seemed to turn a blind eye, or be too busy to actually put a stop to it.

I used to walk up the stairs, placing my feet only on the very sides of each step, because I quickly learned that doing so, made the least noise. As I did so my heart would be pounding in my chest, because I knew as soon as heard me, he would come racing up behind me and drag me down by my feet.

It wasn't just the physical stuff but the mental torture too. I never knew when he would jump out at me of hide maggots in my things etc. he made me live in fear.

I also have a zero tolerance of cruelty between my children too. My mum was upset recently because I took my children home, from a day out because they pushed each other. I was very clear how miserable I was as a child, how I didn't want my children to feel unsafe in their own home. She didn't have a clue what I was talking about!

[Hmmnotkeen]

My brother's ten years older than me- used to regularly punch and kick me, locked me outside when "babysitting" me.

Parents minimised everything and are suprised I went no contact with the lot of them.

[Fuzzywuzzywasabear]

Yes, younger brother was constantly violent towards me growing up, I remember having a snow ball fight and he got really violent and had me on the floor smashing large lumps of snow into my face and head to the point all the other kids we were with stopped playing and just stood there watching awkwardly.

He's also smashed my head into a wall and beat me with a stick which left large welts on the back of my legs, my mum always takes his side and says I wind him up and therefore deserve it. I'm now NC with them both.

Like PP have said I didn't realise it wasn't normal sibling fighting until a few years ago, (which is really fucked up!) I find it really sad as I still love him he's my brother but he hates me with a passion and always has I think.

[Twiterati]

Yes. My brother is four years older than me. He regularly would wrestle me to the ground and pin me down. He used to punch me in the stomach and wind me and once I remember him smacking me in my Adam's apple and I couldn't breathe or talk at all. This was always behind my parents back although he did get caught punching my Adam's apple by my nan. This stopped when I was about 13 and began to stick up for myself. Now I realise just how abusive he was towards me and even dangerous but also that he has many problems and if he was born nowadays would be diagnosed with all sorts. This mainly happened in the 60's and 70's.

[Twiterati]

Yes. My brother is four years older than me. He regularly would wrestle me to the ground and pin me down. He used to punch me in the stomach and wind me and once I remember him smacking me in my Adam's apple and I couldn't breathe or talk at all. This was always behind my parents back although he did get caught punching my Adam's apple by my nan. This stopped when I was about 13 and began to stick up for myself. Now I realise just how abusive he was towards me and even dangerous but also that he has many problems and if he was born nowadays would be diagnosed with all sorts. This mainly happened in the 60's and 70's.

[PrizeyPrize]

Yep, Bruises all over me throughout my childhood. I thought it was normal sibling fights. However I looked up to him throughout young adulthood. He continued the abuse in a more subtle way during adulthood, under a guise of 'looking out for me' he was very judgemental at my life choices, looking down his nose at me, my friends and boyfriends, not being friendly with anyone in my life, not being close and nurturing to my DCS, basically telling me how shit my life was at every turn. After therapy I realised that he was the reason I was gravitating towards abusive men. I have NC now and I feel far more self confident and more in control of my life and do what I want without the fear of judgement from him.

[timelytess]

I hit my brother regularly. He is four and a half years younger than me. In my defence our parents were crap, he was a pain in the arse and I was set up - my mother would put our food out and mine would go cold whilst I was sent round the neighbourhood to look for him. He didn't care about food, wouldn't eat it when he got back, she always made him something different later. If she was still alive I'd have a word with her about that right now. I asked to be allowed to look for him before the meal was put out but that was forbidden. He would also trash my room, steal my stuff and destroy things.

[acornsandnuts]

Yes. I was terrified of my sister but our father was a twat and think it was just her off loading on me. She has apologized since and had a few tears at her teenage rampage years. But god she was evil personified.