husband went to swingers clubs behind my back. anyone has any info on such places in London?

[neverbetrickedagain]

well, that's it. I would appreciate any info about such places in London to help me put the pieces together so I can confront him before I do LTB. I have some evidence and I did a bit of research on the Internet but I need to know what I'm talking about because he is going to deny. I put together pieces of electronic trails that he left behind as he didn't think it would mean anything to me. or maybe I should just stop torturing myself and LTB.

[neverbetrickedagain]

Thanks Imperial!

[RestlessTraveller]

Well this thread has been a huge revelation. The swingers clubs I've been to never allowed single men. Well I never!

Anyhoo get rid. He's controlling and a cheat.

[ImperialBlether]

This is why you need a really good lawyer.

Go onto this benefits calculator and work out what you're entitled to. Go then onto the child maintenance calculator and work out what he'd have to pay. It won't affect benefits.

Then make an appointment with a solicitor and make plans to leave the bastard.

[neverbetrickedagain]

I never thought things would turn out this way. But little by little it happened. I don't think he intentionally hindered my independence, esp. financial, it's just that he is so bloody selfish and can't see anything past his own needs. I've never ever seen such selfishness. And me being passive, not demanding more and putting my needs side didn't help either. He genuinely can't understand that other people have any needs - not even his own children or wife.

[Grannypants1]

It is shitty that you are on a budget but his dick obviously isn't

[Grannypants1]

Don't blame yourself. It is easy to end up there if you trust and love someone. You think why would I need to? But it sounds like he has actively been hindering your independance, keeping you dependant. That to me is scarier than the cheating.

[neverbetrickedagain]

I don't work. I look after the kids. He earns the money. He is on a decent wage. He pays money into joint account and I use it for food, things for the house and kids. It's not much and it is spent quickly. He keeps the rest of the money in his current and savings accounts. I have no access to it. I'm actually very angry with myself for letting myself end up in this position.

[Grannypants1]

*the control over even.

[Grannypants1]

Why does he have the access to your money? There is obviously even more wrong here than him fucking other people.

[neverbetrickedagain]

tbh I don't know why I'm doing this. I do know he went there. I know he cheated. and tbh I was fed up with his ways even before I found out about cheating. swinging is just a cherry on top of his cake

[NeedAnotherGlass]

There is a massive step between watching porn and going to a swinging club!
Any man going to a swinging club is looking for sex outside marriage. If he has not agreed it with you in advance, he has cheated, regardless of whether he actually had sex or not.
But I'd leave him just for his general attitude towards you.

[category12]

why do you need all this guff? Just ltb.

[AnyFucker]

oh great

just what this thread needs....a bloke who comes on and tells us that men are "visually stimulated"

fuck off

[neverbetrickedagain]

adora1, I couldn't agree more with you!

PickledCauliflower, thanks for your kind words. I will try to stop. I just need to get a way out.

[PickledCauliflower]

I'm sorry that you are going through this x
If you have evidence that he has visited these places, I would say that is enough. Please don't torture yourself with the details and I do hope you get rid of him.

[adora1]

Nope just because Swingers clubs exist and cheating web sites exist and porn after porn sites exist, we do have self control, if we want to, nobody does anything they don't want to do.

Swinging involves planning, lying about where you were, are going, costs money and puts your partner at risk of sti's - and all because it's a man, sorry not buying it, a man still has morals, values and respect for women and their partner and children, men who do this are entitled pricks, he's got all the control anyway, even financially.

[neverbetrickedagain]

fair enough, but they are not creatures of bare instincts only. family and kids require lots of different types of compromises. I don't care how horny he was. that's not how a husband and a father behaves.

[DavidMather]

neverbetrickedagain - that's the way you're looking at it. Men are visually stimulated.

[neverbetrickedagain]

Thanks Mildinsanity!
DavidMather, I find it hard to see my brother making that smallish step as well as some other man I know.

[neverbetrickedagain]

oh, he didn't go all the way to Sutton for voyeurism only! I'm well aware of that.

[Mildinsanity]

Neverbetrickedagain not been to hedonism they hold events at different venues, if they only take card then there is every chance he would be turned down on the door without prebooking, a lot of clubs have this rule for security, prebooking is a requirement at many places so they can have ID details for safety.

[DavidMather]

neverbetrickedagain I appreciate the fact it isn't a small step as far as you're concerned but as far as male sexuality is concerned its similar to reading porn mags and then going to a strip pub to see the real thing. Costs are not £100 - OP4F charges £20 to get in on a Sunday night. As for the other bits and pieces as a voyeur would he really need them?

[neverbetrickedagain]

also, there are things that appeal to me sexually and they do not include my husband, but it never occurred to me to go trying them out behind his back.

[adora1]

And they say porn is harmless.

[neverbetrickedagain]

DavidMather, you got it right - he does prefer amateur porn to plastic porn. However, I fail to see the "smallishness" of the step from the computer to the club. Esp. since you need to cash out at least 100 pounds for membership and admission. not the mention condoms, viagra and sex toys (he looked into getting all those - and I'm sure he got them eventually).