You all said LTB and I did it! Having a bad day though ☹️

[Glutenforpunishmentnomore]

Hi, I don't really know why I am posting I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance that I haven't made a mistake. I have posted under a few different usernames but to cut a long story short I have finally left an abusive marriage, he wasn't really physically abusive apart from squeezing keys in my hand and pushing me but he was emotionally abusive and subtly controlling, The trouble is I miss him. It's my birthday tomorrow and I feel really lonely.

[SomeonesRealName]

www.sra.org.uk/consumers/problems/report-solicitor.page perhaps you should report that solicitor, Gluten.

[Glutenforpunishmentnomore]

The other contact has been consistent for about 7 years so wouldn't want to change that, the kids are really settled with it. I am not worried about time to myself st the moment, I would rather my little ones were in a happy calm home and not shipped about when he fancies seeing them.
I'm just so sad that it's turned out like this, I bloody hate him at the moment.

[Numberoneisgone]

Could you consider for the very short term swopping the other children's contact time considering this is all raw and volatile at the moment. Don't tell ex what you are doing and buy some time to get a better contact arrangement set up.

[gamerchick]

They always do that, my ex did it as well to stop me having any free time. Hold your nerve, log any nastiness and if he steps out of line have a policeman have a word.

Next will come the 'custody' thing. The major card when they're feeling desperate and you're not taking them back fast enough. When they're obsessing about you and what you're doing. It does get better but it'll probably get bumpy.

Such a shame they don't think about how it'll affect the kids though and be an adult.

[Glutenforpunishmentnomore]

That's ok I didn't think you meant me! He is continuing to be a twat, found out today when I tried to call my previous solicitor for advice re contact with the children that HE has instructed him against me as he is a friend of his friend! I have complained as it is a conflict of interest but the solicitor is insisting their is no conflict, bloody nightmare!!
He is still trying to control me, he is only wanting to have the kids when my other 2 children are not with their dad therefore not allowing me any time to myself also at stupid times which are not in the children's best interest.
Looks like I'm in for a war, precisely what I wanted to avoid 😩

[SomeonesRealName]

Don't mean FFS to you BTW I meant him

[SomeonesRealName]

Oh ffs ignore him only idiots will believe him. Sane people will probably think trying to keep him away from the kids is very sensible. None of my friends would let my ex babysit their children for one minute! Good that you are getting wise to him quicker - if you haven't already write a list of all his faults and offences to read when you need to strengthen your resolve. Glad you had fun with your friends - that can be your new normal.

[Glutenforpunishmentnomore]

Hi someone, sorry I haven't been back,l recently. I had a lovely birthday with friends, made the mistake of falling for his shit at the weekend about how he wants to work things out with counselling, but he showed his true colours again so I'm ok I suppose! I have a new tenancy agreement in my sole name 🙂 So that's positive, I have told him today that he can't just turn up to see the kids when he wants, he twisted that and is telling everyone that will listen that I'm stopping him seeing the kids!
Had a horrid invasive hospital appointment today just to top things off!
I have just spent an hour getting the kids to sleep so I'm rewarding myself with wine!

[SomeonesRealName]

How are you doing Gluten?

[LillyMom]

Heeeeeei happy happy birthday 🎂!
I guess it is always hard in the beginning. I am sure you will be better soon. Nobody should be in an abusive relationship. Congratulations twice.

[Marquand]

Happy birthday!

Things will get better.

[Emeralda]

Happy birthday! Ditch the card if you don't like it. Start putting together a mental picture of what you'd like next year's birthday to be like.

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

Happy birthday OP

Hope you have a lovely evening with your friends.

[RiceCrispieTreats]

Happy birthday!

You only left very recently, didn't you? Of course you feel low! It's been a huge life change, and will take a while to adjust to. Some of the lingering hope, affection and rawness is still there.

It's hard but it will get better.

Surround yourself with people you love today.

[sofato5miles]

Download some empowering songs.

Think how special someone needs to be to deserve you and he certainly does not any more space in your life than is crucial.

You DESERVE someone who will be good to you (we all do) and any other loser (especially exH) is simply not worth your bother.

[SomeonesRealName]

Happy birthday!!

It gets better - honestly. You've done an amazing thing for yourself getting out of a situation where you weren't being treated right. You should be really really proud of yourself.

[BoyFromTheBigBadCity]

Happy birthday! Have something lovely for tea, and wear your favourite outfit (and makeup if that's your thing) to remind yourself how great you are.

I don't have great advice, but you will always be better in a non-abusive situation.

[seventhgonickname]

Have a good birthday,you know you did the right thing.I find I felt more lonely when I was with OH when I think about it.Have nice day being a mummy too.xx

[SandyY2K]

Happy birthday for tomorrow.

You deserve not to be pushed and have keys squeezed in your hands.

No decent man or husband does that.

[LeastOriginalUsername]

Well done for taking that step Gluten. I felt a bit wobbly when christmas holidays loomed a couple of weeks after I had ltb, but six months on, I know the only thing I regret is not doing it sooner. Be kind to yourself, and have a lovely birthday

[EnoughAlready999]

Do you miss him or just miss having someone there?

Well done for leaving, I hope to be you one day. My partner came home tonight and got all angry that I hadn't done much - I went to DD's sports day and when we got home felt quite rough with an all over tummy ache (23 weeks pg too) bit all he could say was "you've always got a good excuse" & then added "well, an excuse". Arsehole.

Have a lovely day tomorrow xx

[Glutenforpunishmentnomore]

Thanks everyone, I have arranged a night out with a couple of friends. I have my two littlest DC tomorrow as its my day off so will go somewhere with them. Dh came over earlier to put DC to bed, I'm trying to be amicable, he left a crappy card in the fireplace a to Mum card which he knows I will hate as I'm still mummy not mum, no present at all! In a way it makes it easier as it just reminds me how much he doesn't give a shit

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Well done Gluten. You have done an amazing thing.

It must be difficult, but try to remember why you left.

Can you do something you want to do tomorrow? Even if alone?

[Buzzardbird]

Happy Birthday for tomorrow. Be kind to yourself, it's about time.

Your gift is your peace of mind.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Next year's birthday will be brilliant. You will have had the time to make a whole bunch of lovely new friends.