has anyone dealt with this kind of thing, i'm struggling to know what to do.
the thread detailing the end of the marriage is here... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2495459-aibu-im-just-so-tired-v-v-long?
my sister is younger than me. i have always been extremely, extremely supportive of her. she struggled with depression and anxiety when younger and i would drive out and pick her up, spend time with her, counsel her, etc. i have written her so many emails full of career, family, health and relationship advice (at her request -- never unprompted). i've always been there for her.
the marriage broke down around the start of nov. i didn't tell my sister until early jan (due to very stressful events in her life), i moved out in early feb.
when i told her about things, she changed the subject. literally with the next breath. didn't even acknowledge what i had said. this was, honestly, an absolute dagger to my heart at the time. i put it down to her not knowing what to say.
the next time i saw her, i mentioned a little about how i was feeling down and working through things. again - blatant change of subject, no acknowledgment. again, painful, but i didn't feel it was my place to pull her up on it, what would i say anyway?
when i moved out, i was very very emotional and sad for the few days it took. she seemed to pretend not to notice? i burst into tears while talking to her at one stage, and she sort of smiled in a blank way and walked off. she offered to unpack the kitchen stuff i had just bought (since i left the house contents for my h to keep - very emotional for me to leave everything behind)... that night when i opened the drawers i saw she had just shoved everything, in its packaging, into random drawers??? dishes still had price tags, cutlery still wrapped in individual cellophane bags...?? she later said that the packaging was too annoying to remove so she'd just left them on. i was so confused and hurt? (background, i have eating issues that i work very hard to manage, part of this is that my kitchen must be well set up so that i'm less likely to make excuses not to eat... so it was galling that she would offer to help me with this and then blatantly not be arsed). i spent my first evening alone in the house sobbing over fucking cutlery, it was so unnecessary, she could just not have offered.
i have tried to keep contact with her as the family routine of visits has changed, inviting her over to see dcs and so on... recently she was due to come around and text on the day to ask what time, i gave a time and mentioned that i was feeling emotional that day so to excuse any tears... she text back saying never mind then, i won't come around because i'm not the comforting type. am i wrong that that's really quite cruel? i can't imagine saying that to her... if i knew she was suffering for any reason i would be around in a shot. again i spent the evening crying alone after dc bedtime.
i've tried to give the benefit of the doubt, have assumed she is just feeling very awkward and doesn't know what to say so is pretending it's not happening basically. have stopped mentioning my feelings, whether i'm struggling, and so on.
then my mother mentioned to me last week that she had talked to my sister, who had told her that she was very angry about me splitting from my h. i was floored tbh and after a few minutes of shock, ended up crying for the rest of the day on and off. my mother wasn't sure but seems to believe that my sister thinks the marriage has broken down because i am selfish/haven't tried hard enough.
(there is a slight subtext where i suspect my mother agrees with my sister in part - but that's just a very vague feeling that i have. possibly this is why my mother told me what my sister had said.)
of course my sister has resisted any of my efforts to share what i'm going through, so how the fuck would she even know enough to have any kind of opinion or emotion about it, let alone being angry? it feels so unjust.
i don't know what to do, should i just leave it? i've thought about approaching her again to talk about what is going on in my life, in hopes that she will understand me better and perhaps be more supportive, but i feel she is just going to let me down with her response?
she has texted me a few times since my mother told me about her feelings, offering to help me "organise my house" (when i've actually done all that on my own over the last two months, thanks very much) but tbh i don't even want to see her now. i'm so deeply hurt.
sorry so long. what should i do? carry on like nothing happened, let her come around? confront? avoid her?
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Relationships
sister angry with me re: divorce
thestamp · 03/04/2016 20:49
She really is selfish, Stamp. Was she like that in your childhood too?
I know my own toxic sister was, as a child, totally selfish, cunning and spiteful, jealous, manipulative as the Golden Child, spoilt and 'perfect'. To have attention taken from her, was dealt with viciously. If she'd had an experience, no-one else was allowed to have anything like the same experience (she once had a fire alarm on board ship - this was reported as the ship sinking, on fire, terrifying, a huge drama. To those actually there, (my mum) it was a fire alarm 
)
She's the same now, and my own experience with her clarified how she was. I suspect your sister is the same. It is hurtful if you.ve always thought you were 'close' or that she is grateful to you, very hurtful.
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