Does he even love me?

[Whatalifeeh]

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now.
Ups and downs but still together.
He never liked to stay over at my flat so on weekends when I seen him I would go to his parents and stay on a Friday night.
I fell pregnant and he moved in but I'm starting to wonder if we are compatible.
He is a great dad but sometimes I wonder if he loves me still.
It took me a while to get him to move in but like I explained we were going to have a child so he had to,he couldn't exactly still live with his parents.
He works Monday to Friday so we barely see each other.
His friend came over last night and I told him he was out as once he is in he will never leave.
He doesn't seem to understand now we have a baby he can't just do what he likes.
We have our arguments and last week for 3 nights he went back to his parents but back now.
Feels like I have 2 kids at times.
Is this normal?

[StillAwakeAndItIsLate]

It's very unlikely that you are in love with him. He's not behaving very lovably towards to, is he?

In fact, it's far more likely that you're emotional attached to him based on your own expectations. After all, he would rather spend his time on his own than with you, you hardly see each other, you don't think you're compatible, you argue, you feel like you have 2 children, he moves out for days when you argue, you had to persuade him to move in with you.

Seriously? This is what love looks like?

What you are experiencing is an emotional response to him and his behaviour. But it's not love.

[RiceCrispieTreats]

Sorry posted too soon.

He is still around because he can't be bothered to end things properly.

[RiceCrispieTreats]

Why is he doing it?

Because he doesn't want you.

What is he still around then?

Well, he barely is, for starters. Also,

[StillAwakeAndItIsLate]

He sits in his den or at his parents or with his friends all night because he wants to and also because if he doesthat, he doesn't have to spend any time with you.

It's not hard to figure, it's blindingly obvious. But you know what they say, there's none so blind as those that will not see.

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

He sounds too self absorbed to love anyone, sorry. Your baby may be a novelty to him that he can take to show his mummy what he has done. Perhaps he is taking your baby over to his mum's so he won't have to actually do anything with him/her (the baby).

You are in love with him. For 4 years: is this just a habit by now?
It seems clear that it is a one way street. I know this must be very painful for you, but he doesn't appear to welcome you in his life. I know if it were me, if I wasn't welcome somewhere, I sure wouldn't be hanging around (or letting him hang around in this instance).

[TheoriginalLEM]

my dp has called me a cunt and vice verse. Its not a really bad word for us and this was in the heat of some horrible arguments years back.

BUT if he said that out of the blue like that we would be finished. no question. doesn't really matter that he said cunt he may as well have said i don't like you and neither do my parents.

so tell him to do one

[Whatalifeeh]

He doesn't smoke no.
He hates smoking.
I try and talk but he never gives me answers.
I'm in love with him.
Through everything I do.

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

Why don't you sit down and calmly talk? He's the only one that can tell you if he loves you and if he even wants to be with you.

He's sitting in the garage either because he wants to play his computer (or does he smoke cigarettes or weed) or because he doesn't want to sit with you, which is sad.

He calls you names. He goes away without you with the child and you feel pushed out. You don't spend much time together and no one to one time. You dont think he loves you and he didnt want to live with you and only did When you fell pregnant and last week he went back to stay at his mums. Why do you want to be with him? it does sound like he's just there for the baby unfortunately.

[Costacoffeeplease]

No it's not normal at all

[Whatalifeeh]

All your comments make a lot of sense but it's hard to figure out why he is doing it.
Why lock himself away in the garage?
It's not normal is it.
I'm due back to work soon so even less time with him.
Sometimes I wonder if we would still be together if baby hadn't came along.
I'm scared to ask the answer :-(

[category12]

"Well he is still around so I'm thinking he does want to sort things out"

Really? I think he has no ambition in life and he's made himself a pleasant enough nest in the garage - maybe not so great as home with mum, but what the hey. And can play at being daddy. The only fly in his ointment is you, cos you keep bugging him wanting a relationship and love and stuff like that. But he can make you shut up by calling you names, or fucking off back to mummy when necessary.

[TheNaze73]

As a bloke, I can't see one positive thing he's doing for you. If he can't get his shit together in the circumstances you are in, he never will.

And however angry, aggrieved or annoyed my ex wife makes me, as the mother of my life, I'd never call her a c**t. That just ain't right.

You deserve better

[VinoTime]

I think you're in denial and just wanting to play happy families, OP. So I'm not sure if any advice given is going to get through to you, tbh. Why on earth any woman would make excuses for a man who calls her a cunt, I don't know. He'd have been out on his arse if he spoke to me like that.

Personally, I get the impression he is only sticking around because of the baby. He feels obligated to stay with you because you have a child together, but he doesn't want to be with you. He sounds like a man child who just wants to live at home with his mummy, be looked after and pampered like a little princess and play his video games all day long, devoid of any and all responsibility. Let him get on with it I say...just not at your house. Time to move on.

[Dragongirl10]

''I get so bloody frustrated reading the posts of some women on here. It's an absolute travesty that we don't raise our girls to have higher expectations of their life partners and allow them to accept so little.''

As said by above poster......l couldn't agree more. Maybe men would treat women better.. if women refused to accept bad/ abusive behavior and set their standards higher.

Op please take a good hard look at your life and decide if this is all you want...if not stop making excuses for him and sort the situation out.

I wish you luck

[StillAwakeAndItIsLate]

Don't be so wet.

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

Love, sorry but your relationship started on shaky foundations and he can't be making it any clearer that he's not in it for the long haul. Cut your losses and move on.

[ColdTeaAgain]

Goodness me, why on earth are you living like this?

He has turned the garage into his den? Is he 12?

And as for calling you a cunt, you hardly need us to tell you that people who love you don't do that.

I wouldn't waste another day of my life with this arsehole.

[BertrandRussell]

Not calling you a cunt would be a good start. Surely he should have worked that out by the age of 37?

[Whatalifeeh]

Well he is still around so I'm thinking he does want to sort things out.
Maybe he doesn't know how.

[MrRochestersDog]

you deserve better than this.

[StillAwakeAndItIsLate]

Actually you don't. You can't "sort it out" on your own and he doesn't want to.

But you don't want to hear that so... yeah do what you like.

[Whatalifeeh]

Things are just a mess at the minute and I need to sort it out.

[StillAwakeAndItIsLate]

Well it's your choice. Carry on being a mug, or get out. You already know he doesn't want you in the set up.

[BertrandRussell]

Great dads do'n't call their baby's mother a cunt. Honestly- they really don't.

[Whatalifeeh]

He has turned the garage into a den where he sits with his tv,a mini fridge and a seat whilst I'm sat in the living room like a mug.