Can having a nervous breakdown cause you to leave your partner?

[66roadshome]

I thought my DP loved me, no reason at all to think otherwise, but he had a nervous breakdown and his love disappeared as soon as it started.

He says he doesn't feel anything, doesn't love me anymore and wants to be on his own. It's been 8 months now and he doesn't seem to get better and he's just very cold, unlike who he was and doesn't seem to connect at all with me since the illness came.

Can a nervous breakdown cause this to happen?

[Helpots]

Hi just wondering if you’re still on this thread and what your outcome was - I’m in a similar position, my husband left me 6 weeks ago, doesn’t love me, wants to permanently separate, doesn’t want to divorce yet, not agreeable to sorting out the house

[bombardment]

Yes it can happen but in the several cases I know of this exact behaviour it’s because there was infidelity and the bloke was too much of a coward to admit it. The resulting behaviour presented as a “breakdown”. In all these cases, once the woman had eventually had enough and moved out or made him move out, the bloke got with other women quickly. It’s happened to 3 people I know and it’s the exact same story just slightly tweaked. Are you sure he hasn’t cheated on you but can’t admit it? In one case, the bloke had caught something nasty from the affair partner and so behaved like this to prevent affection/intimacy so his wife wouldn’t see his bits and realise.

[Zimp]

I feel for you both enormously. 10 years ago, I was a sociable, successful, life loving girl. In love, and married to the most incredible man who I respect and adored. And he adored me too.

Within 18 months of being married, I had a catastrophic breakdown and was diagnosed with CPTSP. I had been completely blindsided by my own brain. I was 29.

I remained in secure psychiatric wards for the best part of 5 years. I insisted on a divorce almost on entry to that first ward.

Why? I cannot to this day fathom. I intensely regret my actions, decision and the enormous pain I caused. The strangest thing to me is that I still have no idea why I did this. I never even wanted to break up and yet insisted on it. The guilt is insurmountable.

He is a truly decent man. We have made our peace and me my apologies through a few emails over the last couple of years.

I hope helps you in anyway or brings comfort.

[Nimum2020]

66roadshome and anyone else who has been through this... Did it all come good in the end? How long did episodes last and how did you support them? I’m distraught at the moment as I’m being pushed away so coldly and it’s heartbreaking

[Biscuitti]

This all sounds a lot like my life. DH has long-standing MH issues and has previously said he doesn't love our DC. He sulks and is angry all the time but blames me for it. If I ever bring up his MH issues he says I cause them and I just use them against him. He's medicated and has seen a psychiatrist in the past but denies and denies that he has a problem. Is this common? I don't know how to get him to take responsibility for his issues. Is he denying it to me or does he genuinely not feel it?

[bikermich]

I spoke to him last week but he's adamant that I made him unhappy and he needs someone who will boost him up if he feels low. I did that for years, but 2 kids on and working full time....I think he expected too much and has selfishly moved on to a woman who has no kids therefore no responsibility and they go for walks and to the gym. Which is really unfair as obviously as a couple we couldn't. We had interests together, bikers, music but he said he could have that with anyone. :-( . Two beautiful daughter's aged 4 & 11 and he's chosen the greener grass. Xxx

[Zaphodsotherhead]

My XH did this.

Went into training for a job he was patently unsuited for (I asked him not to, I could see the writing on the wall). He was kicked off the training, having given up a decent solid job to do it, so there was no going back, and he had a breakdown. Started picking arguments (which he never had before), told me he didn't love me, wanted to go and sleep with other people, created an imaginary relationship in his head with a girl he barely knew (actually went as far as told her he was leaving his wife for her - poor girl had been friendly to him once and was terrified...).

I let him go. I seriously thought he would sort himself out and realise how great what we'd had was and come back. Haven't seen him for nearly ten years.

[RLEOM]

I had a mental breakdown and left my DP (now ex). Our baby was 3 months old at the time and I desperately wanted us to be a family, but my PND caused a mental breakdown and I left. I tried to talk to him the next day, the next week, and the following months, but he never heard me out, just shut me out and moved on (I know, what an asshole).

At the time, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, just darkness. Constant crying, snapping at him, being off one minute and fine the next, battling demons he couldn't see because I didn't allow him into my mind. It wasn't that I didn't love him - he was my world - it was my brain (And other circumstances) that caused me to behave that way.

My DD is now 9 months and my hormones and depression have gone, and I'm absolutely fine. 😊 I'm now having to process how he neglected me when I needed him most.

Help him as much as you can. If he knows he's had/is having a breakdown, then he needs support from his GP. I'm not a fan of antidepressants as I believe things pass eventually, but if it's been such a long time, he may benefit from them.

Don't give up on him until you've exhausted all avenues. ❤

[bikermich]

Reading this is helpful. My DH went quiet and withdrew from me and our 2 young children. Last November he went very insular and then said he'd had a breakdown. Left the family home in April, told me he didn't love me and then 'moved on' with someone new straight away after 17 years I've been devastated. He became angry, shouting at me, seemed to hate me . 4 months on he seems less manic but cannot see the hurt he has caused me and his children. I want the old him back but I can't see him anymore and he is cold and detached. (Im assuming he's not with new beau)....help...

[Narla2]

I'm not doing this for no reward or pay in the back I'm doing this because I love him he just wants to be friends and I find this hard x as I love him x

[Narla2]

Hi I could do with some help 2 please I met this amazing man this time last year we were great he loved me and totally adored me then out of the blue had a nervous breakdown he said we weren't a couple x anymore he has lost all feeling and says I should move on but I can't because I love him to bits support him but he treats me like I don't exsist I want the man back I met if this is possible he has a appoiment with physciatrist on Wed but I have no support his family don't care only of it benefits themx

[deckard31]

Hello, I am a male in a partnership of 18 years and I had a nervous breakdown just over a year ago. In some ways its severity protected me from the effects on our relationship, and I just didn't recognise what my partner went through in the time and love she spent helping me get back to something like normal. The tragedy of this illness is that while I owe her so much it is as if the event removed the bonds we had. It's like my old self has gone - a lot of him had to, I know, and a lot of therapy and much else has helped me become functional and perform my role as a partner. But my capacity to love and be close has gone as well. My partner is so sad and lonely, she says, even when I am there, and she says she wants the old me back. I don't want that version, because it led me to the terrible point where I nearly lost everything. I want my partner to be happy, and I wonder now whether she would have a better, fuller life without half a person as her partner. I have read enough to know that often the emotions come back, and know some people who have been through similar things. I am frightened that we won't be the same and that the trauma has done enough damage. I am thinking of moving out for a while, but clearly expressing this as way that might give us some chance. At this stage I prefer being on my own, but I am aware how selfish this seems. It is difficult to express how difficult it is being in a relationship that was occupied by a previous version of oneself who had found so many ways to navigate the life of a close partnership (shared projects, socialising, a bottle of wine, seeing the children grow and leave home. I wonder if by getting space it will give my partner a break from me and enable me to find my boundaries and try to deal with this person I am. I really cannot work things out and am confused. I have spoken about this with her and we keep communicating. I just don't want to let her down. Am I the person she fell in love with, and if I am different, who is she to me?

[Windycity1125]

Greetings from the US, I came across your forum and really identified with it. .
About 10 years ago I was in a relationship during my university years with a guy and everything was great the first few years. Then the last year I think he may have had a nervous breakdown, he really changed. He wouldn't get out of bed or attend class, he killed an animal (yet he loved animals before! ), ignored me for months, then eventually dropped out... right before dropping out he told me he 'can't do this anymore ', i.e. be in a relationship with me. . And wouldn't give any reason. The whole breakup was devastating and still bothers me because I have no idea what happened.
A few months after he broke up with me, he called and left a voicemail but I didn't listen because I just couldn't take it anymore, I had really suffered enough.
I'm just curious if anyone has heard of this happening to others before?

[Mason2701]

I’m going through the exact same situation! I notice this was dated a while back and was wondering if things improved over time?

[66roadshome]

I don't think I will ever be able to wrap my head around it but I appreciate the help with realising it could well be down to the breakdown. I hope it was.

[Tabsicle]

Because the crazy frowns out everything.

It colours your memories, your perception, your everything. And at its worst it seems impossible that things will ever get better again. To ride it out, you need to know that there's a safe haven out there, that you can make it.

And some days you just can't even imagine that shore.

[66roadshome]

He has said all of that Tabiscle, described it using almost the same words.

I just don't understand why he didn't "ride it out". We were happy! He seemed to forget it all

[Tabsicle]

I'm bipolar. During one particularly bad episode I couldn't feel anything for my OH. To be fair, I wasn't feeling much for anyone. All I had was this sense of being totally overwhelmed. Some days it almost literally felt as if I were drowning - I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. Just breathing was work - I didn't get some days why my heart kept beating, why I was still here. I wanted to die, desperately, and just staying alive sapped me of every reserve I had.

I didn't have space left for loving my OH.

Thankfully, he rode it out and we are now very solid and very much in love. Looking back, I never stopped loving him. But because I was drowning in my own brain I couldn't see it, like a drowning man might not notice the sunrise, if that makes sense and doesn't sound too cheesy?

Having said that, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds horrendous. Please do make sure you're getting help and support too.

[66roadshome]

I am okay. Have been in counselling, but I just don't know whether moving forward for the rest of my life when people ask me why we broke up I say "he had a nervous breakdown" or I say "he stopped loving me".

I didn't think people could just stop loving you on a Wednesday and just disappear after a lot of years together, but I also don't want to give him a hallpass with this breakdown thing. I can't help feeling like he could have done better by me.

[cestlavielife]

I think you need to focus on getting support for you and get help to deal with it. Ýou can't change what he thinks .
It may be because of his illness but that doesn't help really.

[66roadshome]

And I have read a lot about this, and have seen in lots of places people saying depression can dampen feelings or whatever but have not seen in said that they outright leave partners out of nowhere.

I've been trying to understand it all and just can't. He won't even speak to me, just disappeared. I tink it's more than depression, he just seems so weird. Very cold, mean, cries a lot, says such strange things.

[66roadshome]

He left and told me it was over and he doesn't want to see me, speak to me or have me involved in his life - so no. I can't be involve at all. He just said he didnt love me anymore and to move on.

[cestlavielife]

Are you getting professional support eg counsellor ? For you.
Are you able to speak to his psychiatrist with his permission ?
You could also call mind or rethink

[66roadshome]

Yes I have support and everything. Thanks all. I just find it hard to understand that this illness could have affected him to the point where he can't stop himself from acting this way. I feel hurt, angry, rejectedand worse like he has died. He's not the same person, like a stranger.