OW is wearing jewellery with the initials of MY children on it. Freakishly overstepping the mark, or touchingly nice gesture of her love for them?

[BassAce]

Just noticed this weekend, on collection of my two pre-schoolers from their dad's house, that the OW is now sporting a new piece of jewellery... presumably a gift from STBXH. It contains the initials of both her own child, and my two children.
To put into historical perspective... STBXH left me two years ago to be with OW and has recently confessed that they were indeed together for 6-8 months prior to that (although i suspect possiby even longer). So she has been in my children's lives since they were tiny, certainly since the youngest was still considered a baby.
After a turbulent first year of our split, I have worked really hard to try and keep things civil and nice for the sake of the children, and have accepted OWs place in their lives (albeit begrudgingly). I know she is very close to them, and in the logical part of my brain I know that if they sadly can't be with me ALL the time then far better they are with someone who accepts them and loves them as part of her family as much as she does her own child.....

And yet... and yet... there's another part of my brain screaming out that how DARE she walk around with their initials on her jewellery like they are actually her family. It feels like STBXH is gradually writing me out of history and creating this brand new 'family' with her where she has stepped into my shoes. Oh god, it sounds so petty written down....
I'm sure the jewellery would have been bought for her for Christmas (I didn't notice it before today) so it's not even her fault... I doubt she chose it. But I can't work out my feelings over it.... on the one hand I'm pleased she's showing such a loving gesture of acceptance of my kids (my new partner has children too, so I'm aware of the trials and stresses of blended families only too well), but the other part of me feels repulsed that's she's wearing their names round her neck like some sort of claiming ownership move. I don't mind her taking my STBXH off my hands now I've got used to the idea, but ill happily fight her to the death if I feel she's slotting herself into "mummy" roles with them. Gah. Someone talk some sense to me.... what's the right way to view this situation?? Anyone with experience of blended families got anything positive to say about it?

[Cloppysow]

I think you're very very cool for handling it all the way you're handling it and very, very normal to be weirded out by it.

[WithYourKissMyLifeBegins]

Fab you are making an effort with OW for the kids sake, mature and good for the kids. Well done you.

Necklace is fucking weird cannot condone it at all. It is below the belt and uncalled for.

[Narp]

.. that should have read 'I don't think there is anything worthdoing about it"

[Narp]

I agree that this says a lot about him, and not necessarily about her. On the surface, it's lovely and inclusive but...

I think that how you feel about it is really valid and it's good to express it here. I don't think there's anything with 8doing* about it. Just taking note that it shows (yet again) what an arse he is

[NickiFury]

I'm trying to think of the best way to describe how I would feel about this and I honestly can't think of one word that does the job. I would find this unbearable to think about and would probably have to just try to block it out, or completely lose the plot. It's totally over stepping boundaries and quite frankly it's f*cking weird!

[WhoreGasm]

And OP presumably your ex DH purchased the necklace to demonstrate what a thoughtful, kind, loving person he is to his new girlfriend (and everyone else).

Like you can buy thoughtfulness or kindness. Oh if only it was that simple...just pop into John Lewis for £25 quid's worth of kindness. Sorted.

He acted with zero integrity. Lied. Went behind your back. Treated the mother of his children with total contempt. Lied some more. And knowingly destroyed your family unit. All for this OW.

Decent, worthy men just don't do that. Pathetic, spineless men do...and think that a tawdry necklace magically erases the past.

[WhoreGasm]

I think these sort of necklaces are actually meaningless and tokenistic, bought by people who think that love is demonstrated by physical items.

It's dead easy to spend a few quid on a necklace like this. Anyone can do it. Walk into a dozen shops. Hand over the cash. Job done. Instant 'love' for £24.99.

I think not.

Real love is shown in a hundred tiny, selfless ways that often don't cost a single penny.

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

I have a DSS, I've know him for over ten years (he's nearly 15) and I was in no way involved in the split.

I got one of those initial necklaces for Christmas, and it doesn't have DSS' initial on it. It seems slightly weird to me, like he might be upset about it.

I think under your circumstances she's being a cheeky besom and it's inappropriate. I'm still not sure about mine.

[ivykaty44]

I find it weird tbh and I wonder absently what her dc think to this..?

I had my exs g/f referring to my dds as dd1 and dd2 on Facebook. Tbh my dds didn't like it as she wasn't their mum and they are not numbered their own mum gave them beautiful names.

In the scheme of things though don't let it worry you as you should be to busy living your own life to worry about such thing. On the other hand these things are weird and be thankful your not weird like them.

[Ludways]

Helmet, ha ha ha!

[Helmetbymidnight]

Should be more our there, like her.

Yeah coz fucking a parent for nearly a year behind the other parents back, and then putting their name round your neck for the mother you screwed over to see "But I love 'em like I love me own," is really sweet?

What kind of idiot does that, really?

[TheNaze73]

I think that's really sweet of her. Big statement putting your ex's children on an equal footing with her own. Should be more our there, like her.

[Lelania]

I can see why you find it weird but maybe she does too but didn't want to refuse to wear it on the grounds that it had your children's initials on it.

If she had done that I can imagine that she would be criticised. Do you think your ex got it for her because he knew you might find it odd?

[springydaffs]

Interesting you've always had a necklace with your children's names on - then he gets her one with your children's names on.

I wouldn't trust these two.

[Damselindestress]

That would upset me too but you are doing the right thing by staying civil for the sake of the children. Rise above!

[honeyroar]

I think Kr1stina's post says it for me too. You're being very sensible but having natural emotions. You have to keep hold of the sensible side and focus on the fact that your children are loved. If they remain happy and balanced in both sides of their family and feel as important as their step siblings then at least something good has come of it all.

I'm a step mum (not the ow, dh's ex had an affair) and I can't imagine wearing that, but equally I wouldn't wear one without my Dss's if I was wearing one with my real children's names. But I wouldn't wear it if the ex was going to see it as I know it would upset her. Remember, as well, that your ex probably bought it, and he hasn't proven himself v thoughtful before, has he!

[Ginkypig]

I'm a stepmum not an ow though.

My stepchildren are and Always will be my only children. I love them like they were my own but both they and I know and think it's appropriate that I'm "2nd"

I can't express how much I love them but il never be their mother they have one.

As for jewellery if they gave me something like that I'd wear it but wouldn't buy somthing for myself.

I have to say thoughmy kids are older (young adults) and I don't ever see their mum (diff country) so that prob makes things easier.

[elvisthehamster]

I think this feels slightly different though as she isn't just your Ex's new partner and step parent to your children...she was the OW who broke up your and their family so in this instance it does seem a bit off to wear such a necklace.

Yes it is great for stepparent to include stepchildren ..but a bit rich when it it came from such circumstances. It smarts a bit!

[Mustgetmynailsdone]

No I don't think it is right of him and her
It's insensitive
Feels all wrong
Especially given the history

So I have a ds 9
Xh has a fiancée . My kid likes her. That makes me happy and relieved. Very But I would not like this at all

My Xbf has 3 DC . His xw was horrible to me , very jealous of my being around her DC and very vocal of this . Was a cow actually to me and ds ....
I adored the kids.

But I never would have done this.
Inappropriate and disrespectful to her
Unnecessarily loyalty dividing for DC .

YANBU

BUT OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT .. Sorry hon
X hug

[Ludways]

I have a stepdaughter who I love dearly, she's special to me and we have a great relationship. I would never wear her name or initials as though she was my child. It doesn't stop me loving her.

I consider myself pretty mature and levelheaded about these things but that would annoy me.

[Marilynsbigsister]

I have been a step mum for a decade. 2 of his 5 live with us. (One is married, other two live with their DM)

No. Just no. Ewwwww no . Beyond weird. Smacks of 'making a statement' . Actions are louder than words written on a necklace.

[Kr1stina]

I think your Op has it complete right .

It's normal to feel furious and outraged, to want to rip it off her neck. She and you ex have destroyed your marriage and the future you envisaged for your children. It's normal to feel like you want her to have nothing to do with your precious babies .

Your feelings are neither right or wrong, they just are . It's how you decide to act upon them that's either right or wrong .

You have made a decision to act in a civil way, not because you ex and OW deserve it , but because you love your children . You are a wise woman.

That's part of being an adult isn't it? Feeling one way but deciding to act another way, because it's the right thing to do .

[ToadsforJustice]

I would be raging internally. I would also be glad MY children were loved but a spiteful part of me thinks that necklace will be all that she has left when your Ex leaves her for the next OW.