I divorced abusive ex DH when DS was 5. I certainly don't regret it. My DS is 19 now and in his 1st year at university so am I even a Mum anymore? Not sure. Anyway I am a bit wistful of all we have been through. I sometimes tear up when I see other young men of his age or younger bonding with their Dads. If I say so myself DS is such a loving kind and sweetnatured young man if a little shy. I just think now, did he suffer by not having a Dad. He would have had a crap one anyway of course but I mean a proper one. I can't of course relate to being a man not boy but sometimes I think it did him good. He's always been very kindhearted and considerate to women especially, very feminist and won't tolerate his friends being sexist I think and I wonder if the EA he saw as a small boy made him this way. Then I get sad and think is he shy because I deprived him of a Dad? I don't know
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Fatherless ds, at an disadvantage?
Iloveyoutilltheend · 27/01/2016 20:59
tb I'm sorry you experienced what you did. 
I hope you have had the support you needed and have a happy life now. 
My reference to The Children Society was simply to show that successive cultures hold up their ideals based on cultural views much more so than actual evidence. IF the 'ideal' is actually an extended family, how come we elevate the smaller nuclear family? It's because it's the mainstream cultural norm, not because it actually works better than any other family set up.
I think you prove the point - doing everything 'right' (as judged by mainstream society) is not a guarantee that everything is well in reality.
Compare your family to iloveyoutiltheend's - on the surface, society would laud yours as the ideal over iloveyou's and yet you've both shown us that this is so often definitely not the case.
The real proof of how well a family works is the wellbeing of those within it, and there are a myriad of ways to achieve that. It would help if society reacted with half as much judgement towards perpetrators of abuse in all its forms as they do towards those willing to break from conventional family setups.
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