Can you really find genuine relationships from OLD?

[honeyJD]

I've been single for six months, I don't get out much as I'm a full time working mum with not a lot of time/money spare to really meet anyone. I'm 29 and want an actual relationship, I don't want just sex/casual dating or a disposable relationship.
Everyone's been swerving me away from the likes of POF saying I'll just meet married/desperate/horny men and not the sort of man I'm looking for. But where AM I going to meet someone then

Basically has anyone actually found someone decent and non desperate from POF who wants a serious relationship?

[TheNaze73]

I think it's possible to meet "the one" anywhere. Dip your toes in the water & give it a go.

[IsabellaofFrance]

My uncle and his wife have been married 12 years and met OLD.

[Focusfocus]

Met DH on eharmony 2013....

[stumblymonkey]

Saffy....I agree! I'd been dating for about four years when I started working with her and had got to the point that I couldn't even see the wood for the trees anymore!

She was brilliant. Very down to earth and everything she said was just good common sense that gets lost in the noise of dating and stupid dating advice books and columns and whatever other crap.

She does a podcast if anyone is interested

itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/love-hq/id1029885558?mt=2

[FedUpWithJudgementalPeople]

I'm not saying it's total rubbish, I'm just saying amongst the folk who can't "attach" correctly there are a host of people who meet people who can't attach and end up burnt.

[saffynool]

I absolutely agree about the Marmite thing - what a great way of putting it!

[YouAreMyRain]

Fedupwithjudgementalpeople its no guarantee but it's a good indicator.

Attachment theory underpins all adult romantic relationships. Some people with a dismissive attachment style may be incapable of sustaining a LTR or may be able to sustain a very superficial, crap relationship for some time depending on their partner.

It's just pointers. If you understand attachment theory, and apply it, it can stop you wasting time on hopeless cases and help you identify more likely partners for a LTR.

It's not some flimsy fly-by-night theory, it's a thoroughly researched, evidenced and accepted part of psychology.

[donajimena]

sothat I don't think people want to pay. I certainly didn't because I think I would have felt short changed if I didn't like the site.
People say you get all sorts of 'odd' people who use free sites but I used a free site because I didn't want OLD to be the be all and end all in my dating search. I figured I had nothing to lose and maybe something to gain.
I've just had the best year of my life.

[SoThatHappened]

OLD now is very different than it was years ago.

Those of you who met people years ago...you cant compare. Join eharmony now and you'll find mainly inactive profiles.

[donajimena]

Yes. OkC. One year on and very much a couple! I also have children 100% of the time.

[Focusfocus]

Met DH on eharmony and currently nursing our little son :)

[NathalieM]

I have plenty of good friends who have met long term partners through Tinder and POF. Of course, sometimes it's not going to work but OLD has become normalised to the point where almost everyone has given it a go.

You should expect the same success rate as regular dating, but at least you get to chat first and have an idea of what they look like before you make a decision. Also be clear on what you want and expect, as some things get lost in translation.

[stumblymonkey]

I actually employed a dating coach (yes, like a female Hitch!)....her advice was invaluable in a sea of crappy and contradictory dating advice.

One of the first things she said to me was that you should be very authentic and specific in your profile.

Too many people try to write a profile that appeals to the masses but you actually want to be like Marmite. Maybe 80% of the guys viewing it will not be interested at all...but the 20% who are will be really interested. This is better than being 'meh' to 100% of people.

In terms of being as specific as possible...don't just say you like films...what specific film is your all time fave? Avoid saying boring things like 'I enjoy nights in and nights out' and instead talk with some passion about your best ever evening or your absolute ideal day.

[SunnySomer]

Yes, FedUp, I agree with that! When I met my DH online I was 33, but longest relationship had been 12 months. There were no attachment issues on either part, just we'd never met the right person - and have now been very happily together for 13 years.
Fully agree with what PP said about being honest in your profile. It may garner you fewer pokes and winks and whatever in the short term, but the people who do respond tend to be more straightforward. (In my experience).

[FedUpWithJudgementalPeople]

I don't understand why someone who has had a precious LTR is evidence of "secure attachment".

Given that relationship must have failed it does not evidence anything at all, really.

Also the comment about those with secure attachment already being coupled up is just depressing. I am late 30's and until recently was single. I'm not a commitment-phobe! I just have had some bad luck with relationships.

[Fuckduckcluck]

Met my dp on okc, been together a year in February.

We chatted for a couple of days then text, then spoke on the phone and about 2 weeks later we met up and have not looked back.

Both of us were very new to being single, so went into it with a take everyday as it comes attitude and here we are.

[GooodMythicalMorning]

yep my dad did. he met my step mum online and emigrated to be with her. they've been married 10 years+ now and are very happy.

[LuciaInFurs]

Forgot to add, I was 19 at the time.

[LuciaInFurs]

I met my husband on POF. I think it helps when you go in with a clear idea of what you want from a prospective SO. I ignored every message that had text speak and focused only on men who could hold a conversation.

I also wrote a profile that was exactly me, I didn't try and make myself sound more attractive. I wrote about my interests and the books I was reading. A friend told me that I had made myself sound really boring. When my now DH messaged me to ask what I thought of a play I mentioned by Eugène Ionesco I knew he was a good fit for me.

The same friend is a lot more attractive than I am and tried Match.com with no luck, so sadly there are no guarantees with paid sites.

[Greengodess68]

After reading so many horror stories for OLD....I had a few of them myself before I met my lovely current man, how lovely it is, to have faith restored in humankind and read all these wonderful relationships that started on-line.

[NoraLouca]

Met lovely boyfriend online about 8 months ago, he was my first ever online date. We first met up last June and have been together ever since, not talking about moving in together or anything yet because I have DC but hopefully one day. Neither of us were really looking for a proper long term relationship but that's the way it's heading and we're both really happy

[Daisydukes79]

Saturday past was 11 years since I met up with my dh, after chatting to him online for a couple of months previously. Now married with 2 kids, 3 dogs and a rabbit.
It worked for us as we were both quite shy around the opposite sex so it let us get to know each other a bit first so we were more confident when we met in person iykwim.

[YouAreMyRain]

Yes!

I met my previous partner OLD (paid site) we were together for four years and had a DC but ultimately it didn't work out.
I then met the man of my dreams on POF.

If you are serious about a relationship then I recommend reading up about attachment theory particularly attachment in adult relationships.

this book is also good.

Then search for someone who has had at least one significant long term relationship (I searched on POF for longest relationship = over ten years) as this is a good indicator of having a secure attachment style and being able to maintain a long term relationship.

Attachment is crucial and the older the dating pool, the less chance of there being people with "secure attachment" in there as they will all be happily hooked up.

[Claraoswald36]

Blindsider- love you post/success story

[Claraoswald36]

Pof- one genuine relationship with very genuine lovely man for 6 months - we didn't want the same things and it fizzled but he wasn't a player or married or anything dodgy. He was a teacher.
Pof- totally used by horrid narcissist who messed my head up for 3 months. Could have been any dating site - you might be surprised he was on pof as uni professor. Not married. Just an arse.

Tinder- my lovely amazing dp of a year. We are moving in together.

Match- another lovely bloke. Relationship lasted a year. We didn't end up in love but again not married or a player by any stretch.

Match - platonic friendship with very nice but odd man who may have had some intimacy issues or sexuality confusion but harmless and not married or dodgy.

Plus a few dates that I rejected. In the whole positive experiences. All the above men are divorced or separated from ltr and all have kids. Ages I think 36-45 if it helps.