Anyone got any stories of reconciliation?

[Heartbroken4]

I have another thread going.

Last night my Husband officialy left and he told the children. Today they went away wih him for the w/e (he works away in the week and took some "time out" last w/e, so the had missed him). People have been told.

Does anyone know of people who got back together after things had got to such a stage?

[Boogers]

Right now you need to focus on the immediate things. Are you and your children safe? Do you have food for lunches tomorrow? Do you all have clothes for tomorrow? After your morning rush, after you've dropped the kids at school, what's your agenda? Do you have anything planned? Maybe MN local can reach out with someone living nearby who could lend an understanding ear over a cuppa?

[BottomleyPottsSpots]

I think the advice to take it one day at a time, whilst hard, is really sensible.

Things are really, really raw now. I know it's impossible not to hope, but focusing your energies on hope will delay your recovery in other areas.

Self-compassion needs to be the order of the day. It will benefit you whether you end up getting back together or not.

[Heartbroken4]

I have good real-life friends who have been rallying. They have school meals. I am going to get soem bit of uniform out of the washing basket (ssh, don't tell them). I am talking to someone about benefits tomorrow and seeing a solicitor Weds.

[Heartbroken4]

Thanks for sharing,brains.

[lovebeyondwords]

I'm having a similar situation with my dh at the mo.
He had always bn somewhat moody (his mum warned me to think carefully before I married him 11 years ago!) and lately he's bn on another scale altogether.
Culminated over Xmas with a generally horrible time for me and the kids And it was hugely uncomfortable for family and friends who visited and endured his stoney silence.
Eventually after he failed to do anything nice at all to celebrate our dd's birthday earlier this month, I asked him to leave.
He left overnight, we talked late the next day, he decided to come back.
I've bent over double trying to make him happy, trying to do all the things that he said were annoying him. Whilst he has literally done fuck all. For the first week or so I just Cried the whole time, worried he's going to go again, worried about finances, about the kids, about what people would think.
Anyhoo, fast forward two weeks and I'm eerily calm about the whole mess.
I've started to get the little jobs sorted around the house that I wouldn't want to deal with if he wasn't here (and couldn't afford to on one wage). Got lots of little things done whilst he's bn at work that make me feel empowered and in control. Started to look closely at how I'd manage on my own wage if he wasn't here. Looked into child maintenance. Basically I've began to really focus on practicalities, rather than focussing on how sad I am and how much I want this to be fixed. At the end of the day, if he's not happy, he can mope around as much as he likes. He has no where to go. No real close friends, and his family hav told him they'll not put him up if he abandons his responsibilities. Even his parents have come down heavily on my side. He has alienated everyone with his ridiculous behaviour, whilst I have really taken the higher ground. Sympathised with him, accepted how he feels and not bitched about it all to anyone except my Besties and my parents!

What I'm saying is, yes it's ok to be sad and feel scared and worried. But in my case, I've started to move on from that and plan for the 'what if'. I always thought I loved my husband unconditionally but after the past few months, I'll never forgive him, so I don't know if this will ever be fixed. And I refuse to be a victim. If he chooses to leave then I will utterly prepared in the practical sense to cope on my own with the children, even tho inside I might be breaking up.
I think u'r at the stage I was at a few weeks ago, and I encourage u to look beyond what u'r feeling and start to look at the practicalities. One of my best friends told me I needed to 'man up' and start to be realistic and plan. Harsh, but it's the best advice I've received in all of this, and I really am grateful. Though I am an emotional mess inside, outwardly I am holding it together, and trying to plan a future where he isn't in the picture, incase the worst happens.
Sending u love and all the positivity I can muster my love, God knows, this isn't easy xxxxxxxx

[Heartbroken4]

His Parents are enabling him, which hurts, after their initial shock at his behaviour. I am trying to be practical.

[Heartbroken4]

He is being awkward about straight-forward things, as well.

[helloella]

I do.

In 2012 DP left me and our two kids after four years together. Moved out, the lot. We didn't see him or speak to him in six months and after that he saw the kids every weekend for another four months. Something happened (I don't know what) but we've been neck together solidly since, married and very happy.

[lovebeyondwords]

Hmmmm, why are they 'enabling him'?
Are u close to them?
My in laws kinda know my husband's moods and stuff so well that they would never have him back. I think they think I'm a saint for dealing wth it for so long. Most involved think he's depressed but he'll never admit it as 'it's a weakness'. The mind boggles.
I donNt know what to say. Just I feel for you and u'r not alone xxx

[lovebeyondwords]

Helloella, that's great, nice to hear a positive story :)

[Heartbroken4]

That's lovely, hello.

[Heartbroken4]

I have the children 12 out of 14 days on my own; he had them for a w/e at his Parents' with their help. #pathetic #not parenting

No trying to get the jobs done and deal with the children, no organising of the food and cooking it, just like an Uncle.

[helloella]

I spent those months in a pit of depression and heartbreak but our break up wasn't due to an 'ender' issue. We did spend 8 months in counselling.

I'm not saying it'll work out for you but I really hope it does. Sometimes it does happen and can work again.

[Mypubesarestraight]

I'm going through the same thing at the moment. Mine has walked out on me and 3 children 2 weeks ago.

[Heartbroken4]

pubes

[Hellojoe]

Watching with interest, dh left at the start of December. He's staying at his dad's so I know what you mean about enabling, there wasn't any solid reason for him going except he said he was unhappy.
We have three small dc's who are finding it hard, I spent the first three weeks crying on and off.
I'm getting better now but it's all I think about, I just want him home.
He's undecided whether to come back, saying he doesn't want a divorce but he isn't happy with me. Feel in limbo at the moment.
So no advice but as were in the same shitty situation.

[Heartbroken4]

Mine has someone else but, according to him, very definitely left me, not left me for someone else (as I am a horrible person, a b*th, etc. etc.).

[Hellojoe]

Ah what a bastard, agree with the above about making sure you have plans when he has the children.
It was my first weekend without them this week, and I had nothing planned. It was awful and so lonely.
I don't have any rl friends so I've decided in the future I'm going to hit the gym or go somewhere new or even go to the cinema on my own.
I'm also trying to keep busy and planning things, like I plan to redecorate the bedroom so it's more mine than ours.
Do you get a break from the kids? Are the younger ones nursery?

[Heartbroken4]

3 at School. My first w/e, too.

[Hellojoe]

How are you today heartbroken? Did you manage much sleep last night?

[Heartbroken4]

No. But the children got to School on time.

[ScoutandAtticus]

Where are you HB? If I am close enough I would be happy to meet up for coffee if you like.

[Heartbroken4]

Where are you, Scout?

[lovebeyondwords]

How are things today heartbroken? Xx