Just dump and move on; start dating other people

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

After reading another thread where the advice is, quite reasonably, to dump someone and move on/date other men, I wonder if it really is that easy for some people.

I mean, I work full time, my work brings me into contact with lots of people, but (excluding a number of married man along the way), no one I've met through work has shown any interest. I have hobbies and interests, and a mixed sex friendship group, but that's never presented any possibilities either.

I'm not really interested in dating, so not bothered really, just wondering whether some people really do just get inundated with offers/have loads of choice/options.

I haven't been able to dump someone on Friday and be dating someone else on Monday since I was 20!

[PeppermintPasty]

Ha! Oh my word SGB. See, isn't that just hardcore OLD?! I'm too much of a wuss to put myself out there online.

I think I'll have to stick with mentally dating a celebrity or some such for now...

[SolidGoldBrass]

One way to get an uncomplicated shag might be to go to a swingers' club.

this site might have some useful info.

You don't necessarily have to dtd at the club, but they can be a good way to meet men who are up for sex. They will not all be 'married-and-cheating', some will be single, some in non-monogamous situations, etc.

[PeppermintPasty]

I've got a related problem in that although I'm hugely happy being single, I would love a shag, to be frank.

I live in the rural wilds of Cornwall, so options are a bit limited and I don't go for livestock.

I remember the halcyon days of living in a city and going out, happening to meet a random sexy man and then doing the deed, or not, or whatever. Ok, I was younger then too, sans children etc. But if I tried to pick anyone up round here, leaving aside the marrieds and the weirdos, if there was anyone left I'd be amazed. Plus, round here, I'd be burned in a wicker man if I did it too often, whereas in a city, you can be nicely anonymous if you wish.

What's a woman to do? I genuinely cannot abide the thought of OLD, though a lot of my friends have done it. They've had several twats between them, so it's not encouraging.

[SolidGoldBrass]

I think it's fair to say that for women over about 40, it is harder, because we live in a world where older women are supposed to be either 'happily married' or invisible. There's enough guff in popular culture about how embarrassing and disgusting and undignified it is for an older woman to look for a sexual partner. It can put you off even trying.

However, it is always going to be aa lot better to be single than with a crap man, or desperately trying to cling on to any man you can find. I used to cheer myself up (once past about 45) with the thought that I had already had more sex than most people, so I would manage well enough without any more sex and I certainly didn't miss it enough to try online dating (not only am I getting on a bit, but I don't photograph very well and am not particularly glamorous. I wasn't put off by the thought of dickpics, I was put off by the thought of all the insults).

[MadeMan]

"Teeth not a requirement, it would seem."

Handy for opening up bottled beverages though. Mind you, three litres of White Ace comes with a plastic screw top.

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

Haha no, quite!

[AnyFucker]

The folks on JK never seem to have a problem getting lots of shags. Teeth not a requirement, it would seem.

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

Actually, AF's got it. Some people are just happy to take anything aren't they?

I suppose if I were hanging around that sort of place, with those sort of people, it'd just happen, vaginaaa

[MadeMan]

"...and scooped them up from anywhere like the bookies."

I'm waiting for the day I see a Mumsnet dating thread about two people meeting up over the reels of a Barcrest fruit machine.

[LionHearty]

I think the dumper is prepared for the relationship ending so the won't feel the shock, disbelief and loss quite so keenly, if at all. So can move on relatively easily.

Charlene 💐

[charleneralston26]

I know I can't I got dumped 3 weeks ago (34 weeks pregnant now) and the thought of another man doesn't appeal to me! where as the dad of my 2 children is already staying at his new gf!!

[Vaginaaa]

There's enjoying variety and meeting new people and then there's scraping the barrel so you're never alone.

[Threefishys]

Or some people just enjoy variety and meeting new people by way serial dating (which is fine)

[Vaginaaa]

Yes, some people don't have standards so are happy to accept the next thing that trundles along. You'd have probably met someone ASAP if you'd accept anything vaguely human shaped and scooped them up from anywhere like the bookies or somewhere else Jeremy Kyle types hang out.

[AnyFucker]

I am replying to Folk's questions directly, STH.

[SoThatHappened]

ive realised that people who go from one relationship to another so quick is because they hedge their bets and overlap.

It isnt in a matter of days....you just didnt know they were seeing someone else for ages before.

[AnyFucker]

I think only on Jeremy Kyle are people going from one relationship to another within days

Not something to aspire to

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

And as for the people who do, where are they meeting them?! I've never really been someone who just got asked out. Do some people find they are inundated with date requests?

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

Hmm... see I previously thought I was happy being single, but secretly I was always 'aware'. Aware of how I presented myself (I don't mean appearance, I mean more my body language and demeanour), aware of other people/men around me. I made eye contact, I was friendly and bubbly... it made no difference.

Then last year, I ended a very short relationship and now I no longer 'notice' men. I don't look for signs that a man I'm talking to is single or interested and do you know what?

Well firstly, I've realised that I am genuinely happy being single. There is a man I rather like, but if he declared an interest now it would be a disaster, I really want to be single for at least another 6months or so.

But secondly, it's made no difference. I didn't meet or get asked out by men before and I don't now.

I did do OD for a while, I wouldn't again.

I really was just curious as to whether some people really do just find that there is someone else just around the corner.

[Sweetandsour93]

For some people it is much easier to move on quickly than it is for others. I recently broke up with someone (been on and off but definitely over for good now!) and I couldn't imagine dating for quite some time. It's nice to have my own space back and to be free of relationship stress. I think you've got to be in the right frame of mind for dating, I have never tried OLD, although I might do when I feel ready to, it seems like a minefield.

[AnyFucker]

I hope you find what you would like, STH.

[SoThatHappened]

One of the guys I dated said he didnt like being single....dumped out of a 4 year relationship and straight back to dating. I wonder what his motivation as for that. Why cant he be alone.

I am the other way. I have been single for so long, now I want to be with someone. I dont need it. I would like it.

[expatinscotland]

What AnyFucker said.

[AnyFucker]

It's an option, not a rule.

[SoThatHappened]

Perhaps they dont need validation and want to be with someone.