Relative, cold sores and kissing dds

[QueenMolotov]

I posted before Christmas on this subject (in Chat and Children's Health). I feel that it is perhaps a relationships issue now, as I need help with dealing with a family member.

Basically, I have a close family member who gets cold sores. She insists on kissing my dds on the lips (which I have never liked). She has never kissed them with an active sore (obviously) but before Christmas, she kissed them on the lips and a couple of hours later, a cold sore started to develop (redness, etc). She said it was probably nothing as she couldn't feel tingling, however, I texted her the next morning as I'd been very worried and she said it had developed overnight.

Anyway, the girls didn't show any symptoms of primary herpes simplex (feeling unwell and mouth ulcers), thank goodness, so I'm confident they dodged it this time.

We saw her once over the holidays where I asked her to only kiss them on the cheek from now on. She can't feel them coming on, so that's the only solution I can see working. I have avoided her until today (I have felt very upset). We saw her today and she tried to kiss 3yo dd2 on the lips! Dd2 being so young must have forgotten me saying not to kiss her on the lips anymore so I shouted out "Cheek! Cheek!"

And now I'm annoyed again and don't want to see her, although am relieved I stopped it happening (no sore present but that's not the point here).

I feel pissed off in that she doesn't seem to take on board the fact I don't want her kiss my dds on the lips. She seems oblivious. I feel I have to keep watching her, which makes me look neurotic. But I think I'm in the right about this.

Please, does anyone have any advice/tactics for how I can make her stop?

[ouryve]

You need to be very firm - no kisses. She can't be trusted to respect your wishes, so you need to be hard line about it.

I have an active cold sore, at the moment and will do my best to deflect any kisses DS2 comes for - thankfully, he's happy with a kiss on top of his head and a snuggle and I kiss him on the cheeks, by default, in case I'm on the verge of breaking out but haven't realised, yet. I've not even kissed him on the cheek, lately, since he has a bad lick rash on his chin, so is especially vulnerable.

[lovefairylights]

my mum gets cold sores and whilst she can be quite blase about many things I feel very reassured that she is scrupulous about this and will avoid kisses if she feels run down which might then lead to the tingling...
If your mum is so good about this - I don't get why she doesn't want to say more to her sister.
Until the message lands I think you are doing the right thing to stop kissing on the lips.
Funnily enough even without the issue of cold sores as my daughter gets older I'm starting to get more uncomfortable about anyone other than me and DP kissing her but I can't quite figure out why - cheek kisses and hugs feel like the best approach for other family and friends.

[smallplainblonde]

Hi OP, you really do need to be firm with this. My Dad gets cold sores and doesn't feel them coming on. He kissed my DB when he was only a few months old and DB ended up getting lots of them all over his little face. He's suffered from the virus ever since and is in his 20s now. Obviously my Dad felt awful about this and it was not intentional. Ever since my Mum religiously tells me and DBs do NOT let anyone kiss your children on the lips. She is completely right of course. You need to stand firm on this - do not back down with your aunty, she is being really unfair.

[tb]

I absolutely hate beyond measure seeing an adult kissing a child on the lips.

Adults do not, repeat not, kiss a child on the lips. A kiss on the cheek would be rude to avoid, but on the lips? In my book, it's bordering on abuse.

I had a sort of friend as an adult and she used to do it. I hated it. The only person I like kissing me on the lips is DH (and previous to him, boyfriends).

Totally inappropriate, makes me cringe and gives me the heebie jeebies

Anyway, non-respect of personal boundaries aside..........mind-numbingly, cretinously stupid from someone who suffers from cold sores.

It would still give me the creeps if I hadn't been abused as a child - just in case people have seen my posts and know about the abuse and think I see a paedo behind every bush. I don't fwiw - even when dd was indecently assaulted by a doctor in my presence btw.

[CheersMedea]

Totally inappropriate, makes me cringe and gives me the heebie jeebies

I agree with this tb. I though I was in a minority though. I know some families do it a good friend of mine still kisses her father and mother on the lips and always has done since she was a child. There's nothing hidden about it they do it openly like its a normal thing. It creeps me out.

[ProfGrammaticus]

I agree. I think kissing on the lips is reserved for sexual partners.