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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Pregnant

83 replies

ChampsMummy · 06/01/2016 11:59

Hi

Umm well I really don't know how to start this, haven't told anyone in real life because I am ashamed and it's completely character for me.

Basically I am pregnant and I don't really know how it has happened because I'm always careful.

I have been seeing this guy for just over four months, just for fun nothing else, although we do get on very well, and he has asked many of time when I'm going to give him a baby.

I am VERY against abortion I've always said I'd never terminate a baby, but I can't see how I can keep his baby, he leads a criminal life style which I have been ignoring.

And I also have a 7 year old son from my previous relationship, I'm in a very bad situation at the moment, can I please have some some advice, good or bad and I know how to take criticism.

OP posts:

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PatriciaHolm · 10/01/2016 16:04

No need to be so ridiculously rude and defensive. It's the classic response of someone who knows they can't justify their decisions.

I hope you are ok, OP. I think things are going to be hard; and there is a lot of support to be had on here if you would just bury your pride a bit and accept it.

ChampsMummy · 10/01/2016 14:04

Sounds like you get beaten up by your partner every evening that's why you are wishing it on me, I am not discussing any more with anyone on here.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 10/01/2016 12:54

focus on your own life and not mine

That's a bit much, isn't it? You are the one who posted the problem here!

Were you expecting us to say, "Aw hun, he sounds lovely and you're right, he'd never hit you. He sounds like he'd be a great dad. And never mind about your son - I'm sure your ex won't be able to persuade the courts that he can provide a safer home with a better role model."

Cabrinha · 10/01/2016 12:16

Defensive? Down right rude more like.
OP doesn't HAVE to say anything.
But it's a fairly standard question to ask, surely, in an accidental pregnancy in a casual fuck situation, how the father has taken it.
It's a sympathetic question, no nosiness. OP might want to talk about that, it might have a bearing on whether she aborts or not - on which she has asked for support.
OP is totally free to say she doesn't want to go into it - but she didn't have to be rude

maybebabybee · 10/01/2016 08:42

Champs you posted asking for advice and you got it. You might not have liked it but no need to get defensive about it.

ChampsMummy · 10/01/2016 08:19

Hillfarmer you were just being nosey focus on your own life and not mine!

OP posts:

Hillfarmer · 09/01/2016 18:27

Sorry. I was somehow under the impression that you were in a dilemma and wanting advice. No matter. I'll fuck off.

ChampsMummy · 09/01/2016 09:21

Hillfarmer that's none of your business. Thanks for all the advice given

OP posts:

Isetan · 09/01/2016 05:01

Do you throw food away? Crusts from bread, food past their sell by date, leftovers etc and do you feel guilt about the millions in this world who have very little to eat? Your logic for being against abortion is the same as my example, a termination is a personal decision for your own personal circumstances and not the circumstances of others.

I understand your defensiveness, some of the posts about SS and violence may have been overdone but they are possible. You do not know this man and pretending that you do, will only make it harder on yourself. You've gone from not suspecting that he would tamper with contraception, to believing he has. You've gone from fearing that your son's father would seek custody, to saying having this child will have no impact on you or your first child.

There is still time to talk to a professional about your decision. Having this child will create a lifetime bond with someone who you admit to only wanting a v casual relationship with, someone you didn't want to introduce to your son and someone whose criminal past/ present makes you uncomfortable. Having a child with this man will give him parental rights.

This is a big decision and therefore you owe it to yourself to really start considering the wider consequences of that decision.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 09/01/2016 00:38

Oh yes my life's so boring. Not all of us can have the excitement of having a child to a criminal, yawn. My sister in law works for social services so I'm well aware of the risks of having children with criminals!

Good luck youl need it!!

Hillfarmer · 09/01/2016 00:22

Good luck OP. Doesn't sound like you have managed to talk to anyone calm and rational who could advise you properly. Still worth going to your GP though. How did prospective happy father react to the news?

PatriciaHolm · 08/01/2016 21:51

On the contrary, OP, it sounds like you like the drama. Sleeping with a high profile criminal, having his baby despite the affect it will have on your 7 yr old; I think it's your life that is going to be a veritable soap opera.

NameChange30 · 08/01/2016 21:45

The comment "your life must be so boring" was completely uncalled for. No need to be nasty, especially as people are posting to offer advice and support.

I'd prefer a boring life to fucking a high profile criminal, but each to their own eh.

Guiltypleasures001 · 08/01/2016 21:42

Op I think you will will be looking back on the "your life must be so boring"quote and wish yours was, somehow lovely I think you've deliberately walked in to the shit storm coming your way, and dragged that poor little boy of yours for the ride.

I wish really do wish you all the best in the future

ImperialBlether · 08/01/2016 21:04

So you're having the baby of a known criminal, whilst knowing that your ex husband will probably fight you for residence of your other child?

Notgivingin789 · 08/01/2016 20:44

Champsmummy I'm glad you made your decision and I wish you well. Your children will give you joy, even if the father is not around or not, it will be hard, but you can do it with the support from your family. Take care.

Cabrinha · 08/01/2016 20:42

He got what he wanted then didn't he. You gave him a baby.
Just remember you don't have to give him anything else.

ChampsMummy · 08/01/2016 20:34

I am having the child, I've made my decision and I've told him as well.
ExasperatedAlmostAlways You were being dramatic just for the sake of it, your life must be so boring.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 08/01/2016 19:10

I would treat this as a massive wake up call. I would have an abortion - you're only two weeks late. I wouldn't tell him - in fact I wouldn't dream of telling him. I would also stop seeing him. You are putting yourself and your child in danger and yes, in your ex's position if I wouldn't blame him for wanting your son to live with him.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 08/01/2016 18:23

Umm...social services will not necessarily be involved due to criminal activity on the part of a non resident parent, only if it causes the child to be at risk of harm, not at all a given.

Notgivingin789 · 08/01/2016 18:07

ExasperatedAlmostAlway I find that odd. I know many women who their children's dad have been in prison and not once have social services been involved in the child's life (I could be wrong). If obviously the father has been convicted of sexually assaulting a minor, then that's a different story.

Champs I don't even know what to say, just think about all your options and do what's best for you and your son.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 08/01/2016 17:56

Okay, carry on then. You will get a very real wake up call eventually.

ChampsMummy · 07/01/2016 18:51

How on earth will social services be getting involved they do not know me I've never had them involved in my sons life and they won't be involved in the new babies life either, as he is not a danger to me or children.

OP posts:

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 07/01/2016 13:43

If he's a high profile criminal of course the chances of social services are being involved. For goodness sake get some perspective for your sons sake of how this could go tits up possibly. I'm not being overly dramatic I'm speaking from knowledge although not personal experience thankfully.

You need to speak to someone about it all to clear your head.

ChampsMummy · 07/01/2016 12:50

You're right I just don't know what to do my mind is all over the place. Thanks

OP posts:

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