Why do men get so angry when they've drank alcohol?

[Madandsad15]

My boyfriend after he drinks turns nasty(verbally) says he hates me and doesn't love me and hasn't for a while/only with me for the kids when he has had a drink.
Yet when he drinks with his friends he is just happy drunk and the life and soul.

Why do men do this?
What makes the nastiness start?

[icandothis64]

Madandsad15. Irrespective if when he is drunk he speaks the truth or not. It really doesn't matter. Who wants to spend their time around someone who is nasty? You honestly deserve better. Never think interior change. It won't.

[Pipistrella]

Eva haven't you a child back home in Ieland? Are they staying with your folks?

[hellsbellsmelons]

Eva you can get out.
Contact Womens Aid and Shelter.
They will help you with an exit strategy.
They know that it takes approx 13 attempts to leave an abusive bastard.
They've seen it all before but they WILL help you.
Reach out please.

[operaha]

My dp now is a funny, sleepy drunk. We've been together 3 years and never had a cross word when drinking. On the rare occasion he gets quite drunk, he's fine. I've never once had that worry and embarrassment of my ex. Was actually quite odd when we began seeing each other, I was on edge if alcohol was involved... It's a strange but wonderful feeling when you realise that no, not all men turn in to abusive cunts when drunk, just abusive drunks do that. Leave xxx

[operaha]

My ex was an alcoholic. Lovely to everyone else, foul to me, real ea, never raised his voice or hands.
After we split (directly down to his drinking) I saw him in a pub a few months later, drunk, and he was just the same towards me, blaming me for everything, criticising my kids.
I laughed my way away from him, he actually told me it wasn't drink that made him nasty towards me, it was me. Having said that, he could be a proper nasty cunt sober so perhaps he had a point

[Lightbulbon]

Domestic abuse is domestic abuse, alcohol is no excuse.

Studies show that kids are damaged by living in households like this so either you have to leave or your dcs could be removed from your care as you are failing to protect them.

It's only a matter of time before he turns violent.

Get out, get out now and stay safe.

[DustyMaiden]

My DH is a nasty person when sober but nicer when drunk.

[Iflyaway]

Why are you with him?

What is it in you that thinks you deserve this bullshit?

Afraid of being alone?

Look inside yourself to find out why you put up with this. Scared of being alone?

I tell you, I have been a LP for 25 years. No way will I put up with loser boyfriends who blame me for their fuck ups.

As a LP my first responsibility is to my child. Men come and go, kids are for ever.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Abusive people are not nasty all the time but their nice/nasty cycle is a continuous one. There are many red flags here with this particular individual.

A chat with Womens Aid may well help you as well now.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Your boyfriend is an emotional abuser madandsad15. In vino veritas and all that. You need to read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft. This is all about power and control; that is the MD of abusive people.

Men like this hate women, all of them with particular scorn for their mother.

Why are you together at all?. If it is purely for the children that is an extremely bad idea; it just teaches them a shedload of damaging lessons about relationships.

[Lweji]

He's still behaving like a dick when not drunk, from what you have written, OP. Just not such a dick, or one that actually speaks his true mind.

[MoominPie22]

Madandsad No need to question it any longer....can you not see that the general consensus of the ladies on here ( and I will add my voice to the many before me ) is that YES, when he's pissed his true colours manifest. Loud and clear, I'd say! Everyone knows alcohol loosens inhibitions and the normal constraints of what is socially acceptable.

I realise it must be really confusing when he's not consistently behaving like a dick, like he's got a split personality. Have you asked him about it when he's sober? Broached the subject of if he's happy in the relationship?

Evidently his repressed feelings and resentment towards you come to the fore once drink is onboard, and his real thoughts spill out. Why wait around for anything worse to happen that would confirm wot your gut instinct is trying to tell you?

In your shoes I would leave this idiot. "Hate" is a very strong word and if he's saying repeatedly that this is how he feels, heed his message and get the hell away from him. He's nasty and it doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship.

[Lweji]

Yes, he does. Or he's trying to hurt you. Neither is good.

[Madandsad15]

With me when I'm drunk I'm happy.
Enjoy a dance.
Become affectionate.
Like to cuddle him and just happy.
Makes me question if what he says drunk he means.

[TooSassy]

Men don't get angry when they're drunk. Some
Men get angry just like some women do.

IME; I've seen the soppy I love you drunks, to the singing drunks (highly amusing) to the dancing drunks (equally amusing).

To the posters on here on the receiving end of DV, please please find a way out. This is no way to live and the vast majority of men are lovely / funny after a few drinks. This is no way to live.

[Mypubesarestraight]

Mines a nasty drunk. He turns up after a night out roughly around 5am then gives me shit.

[TPel]

To everyone in an abusive dangerous situation, please try and get out if you can. I did and rebuilt my life. I hope you can too. You deserve so much more.

[VulcanWoman]

He needs to knock the drinking on the head, it doesn't suit him.
Give him an ultimatum, you or the drink.
You don't have to live like that and put up with that every weekend.
Best wishes.

[DoinMiFuckinHeadIn]

Btw I was also married to an irish man who was a nasty drunk. Beer was bad enough but if he got on the whiskey then god help me.

Been divorced from him for nearly 20 years and the last I heard was that he's in prison after a drunken fight with his next wife resulted in her death.

[DoinMiFuckinHeadIn]

I'm so sorry for what some of you are going through. Eva go to the police station. Tell them you're homeless and fleeing dv. They should put you in touch with an agency who will sort out temp accommodation etc immediately

[Lweji]

Eva, WA are used to women getting back to their abusers. You sound like you are on a self-destruction path. You don't deserve to be in this relationship and you can get out. But you must seek help. Not from him, though.

[LuluJakey1]

My DH has three drinks, becomes all romantic and soppy, there is some very sexy,determined kissing, he tells me hiw much he lves me and that we are going to have 'wild sex' and then falls asleep. He can't drink at all.

I think nasty drunks are just nasty people really, the drink just stops their normal social control.

No one should put up with verbal, emotional or physical abuse. You are always better off alone than living with that.

[Madandsad15]

It's worrying on my part as he is ok with everyone else.
It's like there is something in him that comes out when drunk that he hides sober.

[Madandsad15]

I do tell him to F off when he talks to me like that.
Doesn't seem to phase Him tho.
Then again not much does.