So upset about this friend's behaviour and don't know what to do

[RacoonsRock]

I've been friends with X since our daughters were at nursery together. Both girls are now 9/10 and in year 5 at school.

Over the past year or two the other girl has been unkind to my DD on lots of occasions; it is the usual low level stuff such as name calling, drawing on DDs work, glaring at DD. DD has been upset by it but I have spoken very discreetly to the teacher and luckily DD has a good core of friends so it's been ok but not nice.

I haven't mentioned it to my friend as she has a tendency to always think her DD is right and I thought it best to let the school deal with it.

About a month ago my friend started ignoring me and made it clear that she was not talking to me. On Tuesday she sent me a text saying that my DD has called her DD some names at school and it was quite an aggressive text, essentially saying that her DD is right and my DD deserves a good bollocking for it and that she wants nothing more to do with me until I've dealt with it. I replied saying I would certainly speak to DD as name calling isn't acceptable but that her DD has also said and done things to my DD and perhaps she could speak to her DD too.

She replied saying that what her DD does at school is not within her control as she's not there (and yet it's in my control??), and that my DD is in the wrong and I need to sort it out. Plus lots of other insulting stuff about me.
She is now blanking me at the school or just throwing me filthy looks. Which is crap enough as I hate tension but she has also filled in 4 mutual friends on it all and how upset she is, and two of them have tried to contact me to say how upset X is, and basically they think my DD is a nasty bullying thug!

I have been in tears today over it, I am hating the school run right now because of the looks I am getting. I spoke to my best friend about it today and she said that this woman is trying to bully me so it is no wonder her DD behaves as she does.

What do I do? Mutuals have clearly taken her side....

[RacoonsRock]

I hope so, OpenDoor. I'm thinking of that saying that goes along the lines of "The best revenge is a happy life".

[janaus]

My mother always gave this advice ... dont cut off friendships because the DC are 'fighting', because within a week or so they will be best friends.

The other mother should be aware of this. Forget about this nasty woman and her child, and her groupies. You are better than the lot of them, and will find some better friends. Hope all is good.

[YeOldeTrout]

Can you block her number, OP? I can't see why you wouldn't.

As for the mutual "friends" I think I'd have to reply with an icy comment about how it's a shame when people judge a situation after they've only heard one side of the story.

[Kelsoooo]

My local school was on the news for this the other day.

Parents taking their feuds into the school yard and having to be broken up by the teachers.

Grim times.

Rise above, minimise contact between both daughters and don't engage with her.

[TheTigerIsOut]

Good grief, like mother, like daughter...

It is horrible to be bullied but you don't need to suffer in silence and take the flack. Obviously, you don't want to grow the gossip but if domeine comes again to tell you how upset she is, feel free to tell them the truth, her Dd has been rude to your DD fir a long time and you let the school dealt with it. But your exfriend is taking the matter into her hands and is bullying you now.

[RacoonsRock]

I have been to the meeting and it went ok but not brilliantly. They weren't particularly concerned about this girl being horrible to my DD, or about this girl telling lies about my DD to her mum, or about her mum's messages and nastiness.

If anything they seemed more concerned about stopping me telling anyone about the situation...

[GloriousGoosebumps]

Interesting, I hope you didn't give them any such assurance or they might just take it as an opportunity to brush a difficult problem under the carpet. Have they told you what they propose to do or has it been left that they will consider the situation and then contact you?

[TheTigerIsOut]

Are they talking to the other mum?

I think schools try to be conciliatory not to escalate the animosity, but they also have to be discreet, so they may talk to her but not report back.

What I would say is that you need to block her, don't even look at her, and if someone tells you she is upset, just tell them you are even more upset of getting so much abuse and bullying from her.

[OpenDoorAsshole]

You should escalate this to the Board of Governors.

That the school seem to want to quash this means they arent serious about solving the problem and in fact are being a part of the problem.

Do not stay silent - the welfare, security and educational future of your daughter are vital here. The school is failing you both. And others.

[M48294Y]

How certain can you be that both girls aren't being "nasty" to each other?

Children of this age really can be horrible! You mention in your first post that your dd has a good group of friends. Is there a hint of excluding ex friend's dd?

Ex friend sounds disproportionately upset, agreed. What sort of thing did she text you last night?

[lljkk]

Maybe they are both horrible, which is why OP left it to school & the girls themselves. Parents getting heavily involved is daft at best.