So bloody tired...

[NuckyS]

Married with two DCs, one school-age, one pre-school.

Because of cutbacks at our work some posts are being amalgamated or just not filled when they become vacant, and the job I am currently working used to be done by three people. It's my first management job and it's overwhelming - constant pressure from everywhere.

I would like to try to say something, but it's led to a slight pay bump, and DW never stops talking about how little money we have, so I feel I can't turn it down.

I haven't had a break from work for a few years because I use all my leave for childcare when DW is at her part-time job, and at the moment I just feel utterly exhausted. I've tried to talk to DW but keep getting shut down.

This is what life is going to be like now and I'm not sure how I manage it. Not entirely sure what I'm asking at this stage, other than wondering how others manage?

[milkmilklemonade12]

nucky I feel where you're coming from wth respect to 'big thing after big thing'. It really feels like sometimes it's just like 'what next??'

Agree that you need to go back to the GP, and also sit down with your DW and go through finances. See if you can cut back anywhere. Nothing major, but it's worth checking through your bank's list of direct debits and seeing f there's anything lingering. If you have Sky TV, or gym membership for example, now would be the time to cut back on that for pay as you go packages. Same for phone deals. If you're coming to the end of contract, maybe just keep your phone for a bit and go with a pay as you go package. If you can even scrape back £50 or £100, it soon adds up and it can make you feel a bit more positive at the end of every month.

There is a hell of a lot to do with a young family. It will ease up when your DC are in ft education, honestly. It is ridiculously hard especially when you don't qualify for any extra support with respect to childcare and you have to do it all alone.

What does your DW do extra now that she works fewer hours? Or is it just that she's home to pick up the extra childcare?

[NuckyS]

I'm not sure there's much we could cut back on - I've never had a contract phone (PAYG only) or Sky TV, our broadband/phone package is bare bones and our entertainment is on PAYG payments. We don't go out very often (or at all, really) so don't really spend money on socialising, cinema, eating out etc. We just consolidated some debt and got new deals on insurance but it didn't make much difference.

DW is home three days with DCs, so does the house-y stufflike the hoovering and dusting.

[milkmilklemonade12]

Sorry I wasn't trying to be patronising at all; I just know that lots of people I know have a gym membership and Sky (as do we!) and then very quickly they become 'essentials'

Would you say she picks up all the housework on her 3 days off? As in, is there a discernible difference than if she worked ft? Be totally honest.

[NuckyS]

No, I didn't think that at all!! :) I do have a gym membership, but at a discount rate through work, although I'm hardly using it right now...

Because of childcare issues (we don't have any paid childcare nearby, and family can only help us out one day a week) it's not really practical for DW to work FT. The house most definitely does get cleaned!

[rookiemere]

Nucky I remember your thread about the house renovations and I also vaguely remember a thread where DCs were not in childcare and the DH was doing compressed hours or similar, which I think was you. It does seem as if you and your family have a lot their plate.

First step - yes agree with a lot of posters, go back to the doctors and get back on the ADs and only come off them when you and your Doctor have agreed that is the right thing to do.

Second step - Finances. I find it odd that your DW "does" the finances, but not everything is joint. I appreciate it's one more thing to add to the list, but I'd insist that you pool it all and then work out what's spare in the pot for all.

If there is any left over then I would say getting some paid care for your DCs should be your top priority. Then after that seeing what renovation jobs can be outsourced. It should go without saying that any cosmetic changes must go on hold for now - redecoration, expensive new bed linen or lighting - this is not needed.

Third step - Paring things down. As above anything that isn't absolutely necessary to keep your house upright is or should be - as from now- on hold. Ironing - stop ironing DC's clothes. Only thing that gets ironed here is DH's shirts and generally I pay someone else to do it but I can see that's not an option if finances are tight.Food wise go for quick simple things things. If there is batch cooking to be done then is that something that DW can do on her non working days ? Cleaning - it seems like DW is doing it, so shouldn't be causing you extra work.

[3littlefrogs]

Things do get better when the younger one is at school.

I increased my hours as soon as I could - the extra money did make a difference in that I could afford a cleaner once a week and an occasional babysitter.

When does your preschooler start school?

[milkmilklemonade12]

Agree with a PP that if you can pair anything down, then using the money saved for even half a day's childcare would be fantastic.

Small children are just hugely effort consuming, and you NEED a break. Also, I really would consider telling family you're struggling. If this was my son in law; I would want to know NOW and I would want to HELP. Even if it was just batch cooking meals rather than childcare! Or taking ironing! I would want to be useful.