A "why won't he text me back" post

[itaintmebabe]

I hooked up with a man back in April, we were both in relationships and it was wrong but good sex. We hadn't met up since but kept in contact very sporadically.

Lately he's been contacting me a lot more as we've both ended our relationships so are single.

Last week we agreed to meet up, I went to his house for a couple of glasses of wine and ended up staying the night. I thought it'd be for sex only but I felt like we really clicked.

He talked so much sense and I now think he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met. He was saying things like "I really, really fancy you", "I've been waiting for this for so long", "your ex was an idiot for letting you go" and "sex with you is great but laying next to you cuddling is even better". So yes, a lot of things that made me really like him and I thought he liked me too!

I left next morning as we both had to get to work. He sent me a couple of texts in the morning and a couple of texts in the afternoon (he initiated it both times). This was Friday.

I didn't hear anything all weekend and then I sent him a text Monday morning asking him how his weekend was and he still hasn't replied! I'm getting really paranoid now as to why he's not replying!? Surely if he's not that into me he'd just say?

And I really felt like we had a connection so I'm genuinely surprised he's not been in contact. Please tell me something to cheer me up!

[itaintmebabe]

I e completely caved

[itaintmebabe]

It was kik. I sent the message and it stayed on 'S'. Then I had to delete the app so the message was gone next time I logged in so can't see if it was delivered and read. But I assume it was.

[DadWasHere]

Assuming he read it. What kind of an app was it? One that would confirm only send, one that confirmed delivery or one that confirmed delivery when opened by the recipient?

[itaintmebabe]

Because weekends are busy. Also, I don't feel like we had to be in contact every day.

That is different from not replying to a text you've received.

[DadWasHere]

I didn't hear anything all weekend

Neither did he. Why was that?

[Diagonally]

Is that exclusive to men then?!

[SelfLoathing]

Textfan thanks for that link. That is a great article. I loved this bit which is all you need to know:

How do men show their love?

There are all sorts of conventional images of men showing love through giving gifts . . . But there is one gift that is an excellent gauge of his love for you: his time.

When a man spends more time with you and less with his family and friends, this is a very clear sign that he loves you. He’s choosing to be with you over all of the other things he could be doing and people he could be spending time with.

[itaintmebabe]

I've managed to stop obsessing now

So all is good! My temporary madness wore off eventually too!

[ladymargaret]

Yes and yes to Fenella's observation. I know exactly the "temporary madness" that you are talking about.

I think not texting during the weekend and not replying to my text would definitely put me off from thinking he is serious about me.

[SelfLoathing]

I was trying to think if maybe I forgot to use a coaster at some point or didn't hang the towel back properly or something


Yeah because that's how men think. Come on OP! Don't be silly.

[bodenbiscuit]

Have you thought about the possibility that he could end up cheating on you the way that he did with you in the first place?

[Diagonally]

Um...isn't the question therefore, could you live with someone like that?

[itaintmebabe]

Diagonally, lol! Who knows though!?

I was trying to think if maybe I forgot to use a coaster at some point or didn't hang the towel back properly or something. Ducking ridiculous!!!

[itaintmebabe]

I just don't want to be too available now.

I'm gonna reinstall the app on Monday or Tuesday next week but until then I think it's best for me if I don't have it so I can't keep checking it.

Good thing about this is that I don't feel like I like him as much anymore so I'll survive if I never hear from him again.

[Diagonally]

No itaint don't go there...his reason is not that you don't colour coordinate with his soft furnishings

[Diagonally]

Deleting the app is ok if itaint is wanting to go no contact, isn't it?

If you still want to hear from him then obviously don't!

You need to do what feels right for you at this moment.

[SelfLoathing]

I've deleted the messaging app we're using so even if he does message me now I won't see it. This way I'm hoping I won't keep checking for messages! He's had three days to message me back so it's quite obvious he's not interested.

Well deleting the app is just silly and a bit immature to be honest. So he messages you and you never reply because you don't see it? I don't buy the "well he'll call me too if he's really interested". Most people would take a permanent ignore as a signal. The idea of chasing in the face of rejection is a myth.

I don't agree that it automatically follows that at 3 days no reply = not interested. It may do but it may not. As I said, I've certainly been so busy that I don't have time to do anything but sleep and work. Other things may be going on with him. If he's not replied after a week, then I'd give up but until then, deleting the app is really childish. Cut off your nose to spite your face.

[itaintmebabe]

Ok, one more thing. I'm quite sure he's got some form of OCD. (I've never been in a house so clean and tidy before in my life. Everything in absolute perfect order.)

Could this be why he's not contacting me? That I don't fit in in his very well structured life?

Gaaaaaah......I'm overanalysing again!!

[suzannefollowmyvan]

maddening isnt it :(

[Knightknight]

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

[itaintmebabe]

Quite likely Diagonally! Maybe he doesn't want a relationship with me because he thinks I'd cheat! Serves me right...

And yes I think I was very much part of the end to his previous relationship, he did tell me that she cheated first so that's why he did too with me.

Anyway, I'm not gonna keep second guessing cause it'll drive me mad! If it happens it happens.

I'm quite sure he will contact me again as I'm an easy lay (), so when he does I'll have a proper chat with him. (Even if I've deleted the app he has got my number so if he really wants to get in touch he can still phone me!)

[Diagonally]

Good idea itaint. Wish I could do the same but I use Whatsapp with DS making pathetic excuses

I wondered if your guy feels conflicted because you first got together when you were both attached. Sometimes you just get that "need a clean slate" feeling and unfortunately you were part of the end of his previous, which even if he thinks was the right decision, he might actually be grieving over a bit.