My broken ankle and DH - not sure if I am being completely U

[Crutched]

3 days ago I broke my right ankle. It has been a complete disaster. The pain is awful, I am struggling on the crutches. My eldest DD has to walk her younger siblings home from school and I worry the whole time as they cross a busy road.

I am sleeping on the sofa, I smell (am going to try a shower tonight). But worst thing is being completely dependant on DH.

His attitude is like he is cross with me, which I sort of understand as it was my fault (was doing something stupid), my ankle is broken. But he is so dismissive. I sent him links to 'hands free' crutches and a sort of scooter you put your knee in so you don't need to use crutches and can get about easier. He said it was too much money.

He and DD have a sports game at the same time as DS has a play. A friend offered to drive me and DS to the play but DH said it's not fair to burden her with having to help me (I need a lot of help, down the stairs of the house and into car and then the other end). I can see that but it makes me feel like I am trapped in the house for the next four weeks.

Also he called to inform me he has booked a cleaner for next week. Fair enough the house does desperately need help and we were planning on booking someone but only after tidying first (his mum is coming to stay). I said I'd rather it wasn't next week as I will feel awkward being stuck in the living room/still in a lot of pain, can it be the week after and he said no! It has to be next week and it's not like I can do it myself.

I don't know what I am going to do for the next month. I feel so trapped and tearful. I get it is massively inconvenient but DH doesn't want to help me he is just leaving me to fester on the sofa. He yelled at me for trying to help make dinner yesterday.

[Smooshface]

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[SensationalGirl]

I bet he thinks yabu. You can barely go to the toilet yet here you are making plans to go out, go downstairs and get into a car for a bumpy ride. Seriously how is that going to happen? As hard as it will be for you you really are going to have to spend the next couple of weeks resting. Sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do.

[SilverHawk]

Don't be tempted by the mobility aids, you need to heal. Think of how many hours of home help/cleaners you could get for that price!
IIRC I had them coming in twice a week.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

I can only think that those calling the DH names don't understand how serious this type of injury/break can be.

[SilverHawk]

I don't think that he's being horrid on purpose, he is just behaving like most men in this situation. It is a mixture of panic and caring. He has suddenly had to deal with a situation that he knows nothing about. He wants to do his best, my DH thought 'cleaner'. I gratefully accepted but also used her for ironing and hanging the washing out. Show him the way....
I stayed with the crutches, sling a bag over your neck for a pouch and get other people to keep water jugs/kettle/thermos topped up in each room that you will use.

[Iflyaway]

It's times like this you really find out who is in your corner....

he sounds like a dictating dickhead Sorry.

[SilverHawk]

When I smashed my ankle any kitchen work eg.frying an egg would make my toes turn an alarming colour and hugely increase the swelling. I really did have to keep it elevated.
A definite yes to wiggling the toes.
I had some alarming rides in a hired wheel chair! My friends thought that it was great fun pushing me around but it kept my sanity. Just a trundle round the block can help that stir crazy feeling go away.
I hope that it heals well OP but don't be a hero, it's just not worth it.

[cottageinthecountry]

Most places I've looked it says don't bear weight for 6 weeks or so. That doesn't mean she shouldn't exercise to get blood circulating but that would be toe wiggling and leg lifting rather than hobbling about heroically, risking bumps and knocks to her pins and splints.

[Meow75]

As no one else has mentioned it, be aware of the possibility of DVT and PE (Deep Vein Thrombosis & Pulmonary Embolism)

My DH broke his ankle in 2009, doing enforced PT as he was still in the RAF at the time. Playing volleyball, landed on right leg and incomplete fracture of outside bone as his ankle buckled. Massive bruise by the next day, had to wait till day 3 for swelling to go down enough for a pot.

He went to a number of appts to the GP, and one of them he described how his leg throbbed when lowering it to get up for the loo or to go to bed. GP says all normal, but at 4 wks, we were on holiday in Derbyshire and he was struggling to breathe, and at one point lost consciousness. Took him to Derby Royal Infirmary where a CT Scan confirmed massive blood clots blocking 85% of the access to the alveoli in his lungs so his blood could collect Oxygen. He spent 10 days in hospital and 6 months on warfarin at the age of 32.

Once you can bear it, the last thing you should be doing is remaining immobile on the sofa. (I'm not suggesting you carry on as normal though - listen to your body) You have to keep everything moving as that's one of the things to encourage the breakdown of the blood clots. Bones have a blood supply just like everything else so the break will have created a bruise - clotted blood.

There's no need to panic about it, just be aware as my DH was not warned.

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

God that was so long and a bit self pitying, bloody hell. Too many tablets.

Please take it easy OP. I agree, if you can just get into bed and accept you need to rest for a while, you might feel better. Please don't try to carry on as normal, as it won't be for a while!

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

I think YABU, but I completely understand why. (I am assuming however you generally have a good relationship and he is a good partner!)

I have a condition causing chronic pain and have become pretty disabled in the last few years. DH has been great in stepping up practically, it has caused huge life changes for all of us, however the only issue that can still frustrate and upset me is when he worries about me, he comes across as very abrupt.

Eg I have had a flare up this week, am on crutches in the house and tanked up on diazepam. Yesterday I was desperate for a shower and to wash my hair. DH suggested I wait but you know when you just need to feel clean? Of course I couldn't manage it, DH came and finished rinsing my hair and lifted my out, but said in a cross voice "I told you to wait". Of course I felt like I was being talked down to, I snapped back etc. He was worried and I feel frustrated I am reduced to relying on him. It's hard.

Also, sometimes when I try to help eg cooking, it feels to me as though I'm not pulling my weight, but to DH it genuinely isn't a problem, I'm sure sometimes he thinks I'm being a martyr...

In reality we are both worried about each other, I worry he's doing too much, he's worried I'm in pain and fed up. 99% of the time we do get along wonderfully and it actually has made us closer but of course it's a hard situation.

You broke it three days ago, you really should be resting from both the injury and the shock. Be kind to yourself. If you and you DH can talk honestly to each other and tell each other how you are feeling, it avoids a lot of silly rows which are never what they appear to be about! If you can cuddle a lot it helps, IME.

I know it will be horrible for the short term but hopefully you will recover quickly and everything including your relationship can go back to normal. I am struggling that this is now my new life, this is my normal now.

I hope you feel better soon. Keep talking and be kind to each other.

[cottageinthecountry]

I agree everton I don't think OP really understands how serious a broken anke AND a foot with pins in, is. He's right she should be in bed.

Bloody hell OP, make the most of it! You could be on here for a week just for fun, eating chocolate and drinking wine. Or whatever your indulgence may be. It will be hard for hubby but boy will it be a good test of his strength and commitment. You've got to let go and let him take over.

[trackrBird]

It sounds like progress, Crutched. I really hope the pain lessens soon.

You can feel like a caged animal when you are stuck in one place, which is almost as distressing as the break. But you are both starting to adapt, which is all you can do at present. (And follow your doctor's advice, of course)

[evertonmint]

I think he sounds terribly worried about you. I think you are being way too blasé about how hurt you are - you shouldn't be cooking or chasing after kids. He got cross with you for hobbling round the kitchen, he booked a cleaner, he's told you you should be resting. How is any of this horrible? He would be an arse if he were demanding you cook, clean and care for the kids as normal, but he is doing everything he should. Maybe not with the perfect attitude, but there are far worse responses to this than his and I'm amazed so many people think he's completely out of order here.

[cottageinthecountry]

I would have thought that right now, within a few days of a fracture you should be just resting it. It's bone, it's trying to fuse together, even shaking and bumping it about will make that difficult.

Then after around a week I would say yes, start going out and doing stuff with crutches but the important thing is that NO weight goes on that ankle for several weeks (10 weeks according to the NHS website).

You need a plan based on the hard facts of science, preferably supplied by a doctor. There are a lot of factors, like your age, bone density(?) and weight that will affect their advice to you.

This is nothing to do with personalities and whether he's a black/white thinker, or that you think he ought to help you to go out. It sounds as though neither of you know quite what's the right thing to do.

If your foot and your ankle are broken with pins in I would go upstairs, stay upstairs, in bed, for a week and force the other fully fledged adult in the house to deal with the rest. It will take a lot longer to heal if you go crawling about or standing around watching a sports match.

[SauvignonBlanche]

See here for knee walker hire. Good luck.

[Crutched]

He has already apologised. I made it upstairs this morning out of sheer determination - crawled up (thanks for the tip!). He said it looked scary (like a zombie in a horror movie), but he held my leg for me when I was in the shower, got a chair (another MN tip!) for me to rest it on etc.

He is never normally aggressive but he is terrible in a crisis. For example when DS had a head injury and was losing loads of blood a few years back DH was saying stuff like "should we go down the road to the GP" when it was clear we needed an ambulance. When this break happened I said "something is broken" and he said I was being melodramatic so he might be feeling guilty.

It seems pretty black and white in his head, like I am hurt and shouldn't do much = I should stay on the sofa and not move.

We've agreed on when to get a cleaner in and we are going to ask my doctor about aids like the hands free crutch.

[cottageinthecountry]

What was the doctor's advice about convalescence and healing the ankle?

[trackrBird]

He and DD have a sports game at the same time as DS has a play. A friend offered to drive me and DS to the play but DH said it's not fair to burden her with having to help me.....

Why not ask your friend how she feels, while being frank about how much help you need.

His attitude is like he is cross with me, which I sort of understand as it was my fault (was doing something stupid), my ankle is broken. But he is so dismissive.
....
I feel so trapped and tearful. I get it is massively inconvenient but DH doesn't want to help me he is just leaving me to fester on the sofa. He yelled at me for trying to help make dinner yesterday.

Is he always so aggressive when you're out of action, Crutched? It isn't very helpful to yell at someone who feels trapped and tearful, and is in horrible pain. Do think he'll calm down and apologise for being snippy at some point? Is this just a one off?

I can see how being told about a cleaner ( rather than consulted) and told not to bother your friend would feel as if you were being managed (like a child).

[pinkrocker]

You poor thing! ((hug!!))
I broke mine last week and have had zero sympathy from my family (because it was on a night out ) and no help from them because I'm looking like I can cope (I'm in a big boot) I'm getting around and taking DC's to school but boy it's so frustrating isnt it!??
My DC's classmates mums have been great though, they've rallied round and helped with Brownies and Beavers etc. I'm very grateful.
I'm still cooking, cleaning and ironing because it's not a "bad break" (I don't have a DH and OH is away til June!!)
Your dh needs to feel sorry for you! Not inconvenienced! Bloody men!
YY to the poster who said in sickness and in health!! Tell him to up his game and bring you some nice flowers.
I hope you get better soon

[SylvaniansAtEase]

He doesn't get to let you do anything.

Arrange the lift etc. with your friend. It doesn't directly impinge on him. I wouldn't even tell him if he's just going to be negative.

Tell him - TELL HIM - that you want the cleaner booked for the week after. You won't be having someone here cleaning around you next week, it isn't what you want. It's not happening.

Pull him up on this. He's punishing you for 'creating' this situation. That isn't on. Ask him how he'd feel if the roles were reversed. They will be, one day, by the way - one day he'll be the one needing support after an accident or a bad situation. Would he like to be treated as an inconvenience and an idiot when he needed support the most?

[InfinitySeven]

I have a broken wrist at the moment, and I can sympathise...I keep trying to do things, too. DP keeps sighing and would rather I didn't try, I think.

He's probably right. Up until yesterday I was fairly convinced I'd recover enough to ski next week...

Get well soon, OP. And try to fight the instinct to help too much.

[Crutched]

I think it was the way he wouldn't 'let' me get up/'help' etc. It is so frustrating when the kids are yelling upstairs or something happens and I can't get over there easily. And when I reach for my crutches they act like it's unreasonable of me to do so.

Like being 'told' a cleaner had been booked felt demeaning.

DH actually slept on the sofa with me for a few hours last night, we fell asleep on each other in front of the TV, it was really nice in a weird way.

He thinks I am crazy for acting like I can do normal things (with help/modifications - maybe not now, but in a week or so), and I think he is being too negative by acting like I can't.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Sounds very painful. I am sorry DH is short on patience it's not as if you did this on purpose. MIL will be on her way soon so perhaps he'll calm down with another pair of hands to help. Sometimes reading such threads I wonder if mums and wives just aren't allowed to get ill and stop functioning as if robots.

Good luck when you see the specialist.

Keeping the weight off your ankle is sensible but you will go stir crazy never getting out. If a friend has offered to help in any way then accept help, I'm sure you'd do the same for her.

Regarding the cleaner surely the others can tidy before she's due. [Every cloud, etc]. As to feeling embarrassed having her clean round you, bet she would probably rather you are stationary than tracking her and looking over her shoulder, (not that you would).

[susyot]

Is your husband picking up the slack? Is he doing this without complaint or playing the martyr?

If yes, then I think YABU. If you are in so much pain you cannot get up the stairs then you should not being trying to cook dinner, using mobility aids to get around and making plans to go out. You should be resting and preferably drugged up to the eyeballs.

It sucks, I know, I've been in a similar position. He shouldn't have yelled at you or dismissed the idea of a mobility aid because of cost but you shouldn't be doing what you are trying to do.

Also you are in pain, is it possible that what you perceive as him being cross is actually him keeping a tight reign on his emotions because he is upset that you are in so much pain and there is nothing he can do.

Of course if he is whinging and/or not pulling his weight, then he's a git but unfortunately you are dependent on him and you are probably are pretty much housebound for a few weeks.

I hope the pain gets better soon and follow Amara's advice above, it's pretty spot on.