So lonely, issues at work , hardly any family/friends...

[movingonishard]

Thats just it really - this appaling lonliness that is almost consuming me. Other than my son, my "company" is often facebook and dating sites.
I've started a new job and most days am sitting alone in my office, someone else shares the office some days and we get on well - but i've been warned we've been chatting too much, despite a few weeks ago being told we should develop a friendship and we were both hired as they thought we'd get on well. I looked forward to th days that lady was in as we could chat a bit - and worked hard too.
However the job is causing me other issues too as i've so little confidence and feel my brain is scramble with all the new info and am findsing it hard to follow instructions, remember things.
In the past 2 years, i've got divorced, moved home, my mum passed away and my few close friends have moved miles away. I honestly feel right on the edge and whilst i need a job to earn some money and get out of the house, I'm feeling that doing a fairly "brain taxing" job is really not for me atm. I'm thinking of leaving doing something easier eg cleaning, shop work or something while i get myself together but also don;t wan tot regret giving up this job.
I've also tried joing social groups but so difficult as my ds is with me so much and have no one to babysit. All the school mums are in cliques and there is noone close by i can reply on in a crisis.
I really just needed to get this down and hope for some friendly replies :)

[Pearl372]

Look on the" Meetup" website for groups in your area.

[NorwegianBirdhouse]

Hi OP. You are very lonely and I am so sorry to hear that. It is one of the worst things that can happen to a person and you feel you have very little control over it. I recognise some of what you and kelell17 are saying about how important a small piece of contact from a friend becomes to you, yet it’s very casual to them. If you can live on the pay from shop work (I mean if you are not taking a huge drop), then you really could consider moving to that or some other more social type of work. I work in a shop and love the customer interaction. Generally people are grateful for help and chatty and cheery. The staff is friendly too.

Your job may be considered a good job but if you are spending so much time alone when desperate for company, then at this time, it may not be for you. As your job is hitting your confidence and you are isolated a lot in it, I think you should change it because that is one area you can change. It is better to have less money and be happier. Best wishes for you OP.

[Saywhaaaa]

Hey Moving I just wanted to say I think many people feel like you do these days. I know I have felt crushing loneliness in my life, so I wanted to reach out to you and tell you that it can change. I moved to a new area, grew apart from my friends and kind of had to start again.

The issues youre having at work is to be expected. It's normal to feel overwhelmed at first. Could you work in a nice country pub if you don't want anything too challenging. It could improve your social life too.

I know what you mean about mums cliques at the schools. But a lot of the time you may find you become friends with the odd one naturally in time through your son's friends mums and his activities. A lot of Mums steer clear of the cliques. I know I do!
I have made a good friend after a chance meeting with a mum at the school and we just clicked. I still feel lonely a lot because you're right everyone is so busy with their own lives and families.

By the way I'm in Surrey and my son is 8. PM me anytime you like.

[Donteatthekidssweets]

That's a shame sounds like you've been unlucky with your work place, I'vemade some of my best friends at work over the years. However I think cleaning / shop work means you'll be bored and poorer too. How about the WI, not at all stuffy and mine has a book club? Running club?

[movingonishard]

Not a bad idea ebay - but half of weekends ds is with me!

[Ebayaholic]

Have you considered a weekend bar job? Plenty of adult company and opportunity for chat.

[mariposaazul]

I went through some of this when my son was young....hang in there :)

It takes time to make new friends - maybe suggest meeting yr nice colleague outside the office if possible. Look for things happening at weekends in local listings - e.g. look on Facebook for things with the name of yr town in it. I found it easier going to stuff with DS than on my own!

Re job - try very hard not to leave, it will get easier & the other jobs you mention pay less & often involve unsocial hours which would be difficult with DS. Also you'd likely get bored!

[movingonishard]

Yes twetny, have looked in the past - nothing in my area though or even close by :(

[twentyten]

Have you looked at spice for social activities when you are on your own? Lots going on there. It is tough.

[movingonishard]

Thanks. I've been there just over 3 months now and re chatting when making a coffee - the chance woul be great, howeveer there's never anyone in the kitchen to chat too!!!! I'm thinking this environment is the worst for me as one of the things i'd hoped for from being back in an office, was some adult comany and new friendships!

[Donteatthekidssweets]

I think you should give the job a bit more time, I've started a new job a few weeks ago and it's very overwhelming and makes you start to doubt your own ability. However a few weeks in a everything feels so much easier, less of 'a scramble' and I'm less tired now that its not such an effort with new things every day. Also it felt a bit unfriendly at first but now I think it be ok. I'm not in my own office however, perhaps grab a chance to chat when u go out to make coffee etc?

[movingonishard]

Thanks Bobby, but i honestly only wanted an easy job - this one has proved more challenging than expected. Hence thinking of cleaning or similar for a while

[movingonishard]

tbh most eves when ds is with me, by the time i've sorted dinner, house chores, home doen,etc, I'm just ready of collapse. It's the weekends that ds isn't with me that are getting harder and harder to fill.

[BobbyDazzler1]

Think carefully about giving a good job up. A new place of work is always overwhelming and taxing on the brain at first. It might seem a more pleasant option to leave for an easier job but I really believe you'll regret that in the long term x

[Achooblessyou]

"older, married and don't socialise" - chances are they're lonely at times too

I've found cubs/scouts quite good for making new friends - they're often looking for helpers and you can always take your son along.

I know it's not easy though after work and everything else you have to do as an lp it's hard to take on extra.

[kelell17]

I live in the midlands so a long way from u :( like I said before here if u ever want to chat tho x

[movingonishard]

Nobody at work in my situation - very small office - only about 6 of us. They're all older, married and don't socialise

[movingonishard]

Thanks botanic :)

[movingonishard]

Nowhere else i can sit unfort. I do write stuff down but there are so many aspects of the job, and my boss doesn't always expalin things that celarly - or it's probabably just me. Feedback is that she's happy wiht my work but to keep the level of chatting down...
Not new to the area at all, but all the mums are in cliques - sadly my "mum" friends have moved. As my son is 9 there's not so much involvment with his friends mums. Not time for doing pta, etc as i'm at work and can do evenign meetings...
Kel - i'm in surrey - you?

[Achooblessyou]

You've been through an awful lot in the last couple of years. At the moment it sounds like you need to take care of yourself and take one day at a time - it sounds natural that you are finding it difficult many lps do. Are there others at work in your situation that you can make arrangements with? Sometimes as an lp its easier to do things with kids

[Botanicbaby]

gosh you have been through so much in the last few years that it is no wonder you feel like your brain is scrambled. my advice would be to not be so hard on yourself.

you were picked to do that job for a reason and any new job is daunting at the best of times. it is good that you get on with this colleague, I wouldn't give up your job just yet. give it time. new jobs do tend to get easier after 6 months I find..in regard to finding it hard to remember things and follow instructions (don't always blame yourself...some people don't give good instructions anyway). Take time to write things down or get people to email you about the task so you can go back to refer to it again, set alarms or reminders up. Never be afraid to ask again if you misunderstood the first time or need more clarification.

could you arrange to meet your work colleague outside of work for coffee or a glass of wine or something? loneliness is a horrible thing but you will get through it. things may happen gradually but they can (and do) get better I find. Hope they change for you sooner, try to get your confidence back. Well done on getting the job btw.

[Pancakeflipper]

How old is your son?
Is he at an age when you can do stuff together? E.g something like orienteering club /walking club which you can do as a family unit so no babysitting costs and be mixing with other adults and children?
I think if you have another focus out of work then the work thing will won't be as prevalent in your mind.

I do feel for you as loneliness is so hard.

[kelell17]

movingonishard u sound so like me!! ive pretty much run out of people to text now as they are all busy with thier boyfriends etc and I feel like a burden saying im struggling I feel so lonely pls talk to me...I was meant to see a friend today and have looked forward to it all last week but she cancelled obv thinking it was no big issue and said we will catch up soon...it hit me like a ton of bricks!
what are do u live in just out of interest? x

[tribpot]

I think if you're already lonely, online dating could be one of the worst things you could do, paradoxically enough. I think you might be better off working on building your social circle - something less pressured and with a better 'return on investment' so to speak.

Being alone in an office sounds pretty grim. Is there a desk anywhere else you could use, which would make it a bit more sociable? In terms of struggling to keep up, be kind to yourself but also take loads of notes to make sure you're not forgetting stuff. What kind of feedback are you getting from your line manager?

You'll get to know people through school as your ds is invited to things. Could you offer to have a school friend round for tea? Does the PTA need volunteers for stuff in the run-up to Christmas?

What about a Mumsnet get-together? Have you posted in your MN local to see if anyone fancies meeting up for a coffee? If you're new to the area you could at least use it to get some local tips and advice.

[movingonishard]

Thanks zippy. Blah - yes that's me - but the number of people to text is dwindling. Even tonight a close friend said she'd call me but hasn't yet. I don;t call her in case i wake her baby. I've been looking forward to her call all weekend..