Just found out extent of DHs debt.

[NoPenniesLeftToCount]

Am a regular on MN but have name changed.

DH's debt is massive, double what I thought. People live off less. He's setting up a new business but this is personal debt and I don't know when he will be getting money coming in. I knew this would be the case and I've been covering the mortgage, childcare, etc during this time, but I've just found out I may lose my job in a couple of months, and there's not much comparable pay-wise around here.

I've always been really careful with money, but not in a relationship it seems. We've talked about the debt and business plans before, talked through options of managing the debt and I thought everything was on track, but it appears not. We have to remortgage early next year and at this rate there isn't a hope in hell. He's just continuing to rack up the debt by continue to pay maintenance for his kids and paying off bank loans. It's been a crap few months, not spending anything, not being able to take the kids anywhere. I knew it would be a tough few months until the business got off the ground, but I wasn't expecting this level of debt. It's going to take a few years to pay off, even if we both had money coming in. He's got his head stuck in the bloody sand.

I own a house I let out, but that's my safety net if anything went wrong between us, not for bailing him out because he keeps ignoring the debt.

I'm so cross with him. I feel completely trapped. How the hell do we (HE) get ourselves out of this? All hopes are pinned on the business, no other option will pay it off .

[LongTimeLurking]

Are they solely his debts? I don't mean just in his name but money that he has spent on things for himself only?

I'm not sure it is as simple as ring fence 'your' assets given you are married. You need to get some good legal advice really to avoid his debts spilling over and messing up your finances.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

If it's creditors chasing then the property you let, if it's in your sole name, is not an "asset of the marriage", that they could get their hands on if the debts are in his sole name only. I believe that if he's forced into bankruptcy the home you co-own could be.

The only time assets of the marriage can be called upon is in settling the financial arrangements in a divorce. Lots of married people keep their finances separate, and have them remain separate by not having joint financial liabilities like a joint bank account, a joint loan or a joint-mortgage. These things would make you financially-linked, where his credit-record affects yours.

In your position I'd be more concerned about the family home than I would be about the let property.

His debts: his problem to solve. I would warn you against increasing either of your mortgages to release equity in order to pay off his debts.

[NoPenniesLeftToCount]

Lots of helpful comments, thank you. Thinking about why he's not useless when it comes to business, it's just occurred to me that the problem (other than the debt itself) is that we have very different attitudes to risk. I'm totally risk averse and wouldn't spend what I didn't have. He doesn't think like that; he's much more entrepreneurial. I just think he finds the nitty gritty detail of budget management too dull to contemplate, but he'll know the running costs, cash flow, breakeven point blah de blah of a business inside out. He's got a rough idea of his finances but that's all the detail he feels he needs to know. Maybe he sees it as a cash flow problem rather than a debt mountain.

I don't think I can ring-fence my property can I? we aren't at this point yet thankfully, but any chasing creditors would go after our house. The only way to stop that happening is to sell my property. Hopefully there are a few things I can do before that become a possibility though. I will contact the debt advice lines. We have a joint account that we use just for joint bills (inc joint mortgage) and household things. Salaries go into our individual accounts. Everything else is separate, to the point where he feels I shouldn't have to pay for his kids (I don't on the whole), that it is his responsibility. Not much help though if he's struggling to pay and I suffer the consequences.

On the 'regular' job front, he has been searching but no luck so far because either he's too senior/experienced and they think he'll get bored (which is probably true), or the companies have political shenanigans going on and they pull the post.

[BeforeAndAfter]

If the chasing creditors are credit card and finance firms then I really think that agreeing a repayment plan is the best bet. Even if it takes 20 years to repay a loan a reputable finance firm would rather [reluctantly] agree to a long term repayment plan than potentially never getting their money back or risking adverse publicity if they go after the house. A debt repayment charity would be best to advise you here as they will also make sure that interest stops being accrued (I think that happens, but don't quote me).

As long as the house you let has always been in your name I can't see how it can be touched by his creditors provided the debt is in his sole name. If you've recently changed the house into your sole name then they might try and claim you've done it deliberately to hide joint assets and seek to get that reversed. No idea if there's a precedent on that. Maybe you can post on the legal forum to see if you can find out anything.

In terms of raising cash does he have a flash car he can sell? People who run up debt often do. It's amazing how you can cope with one car when you have to, even if it's just for six months while you get yourself back on an even keel.

Look around the house, do you have stuff to shift on e-bay? I recently had a clear out and couldn't believe what people bought. I couldn't shift the clothes but household/kitchen stuff flew out.

As for him working, he doesn't have to do a flash job you know. He should be looking to do ANYTHING to pay off the debt or, just as important, stop new debt accumulating.

If he's not working now anything he earns will be a bonus. I remember being stretched when my mortgage rate was 18% (imagine that you young uns!) and I'd get home from work and sew bags that my sister would sell in her shop. It all helped. I don't mean he should learn to sew but I bet he could get out there and do something to earn money.

[CocktailQueen]

Agree with others - don't sell off your assets! No way.

Second, can he run a business successfully? You need to be able to manage finance and costs to do that. I'd suggest he gets a job first to pay off as much debt as possible before he even thinks about setting up a business - which may fail, which will be a stressful time, etc, even if you are good with money.

Third, can he talk to his creditors and come up with a better plan for repaying them?

What's the rest of your relationship like?

[GrannyOnTheSchoolRun]

Are his plans for a business based on reality or fantasy, because its all well and good saying you're going to go into business when you live like Walter Mitty

[calculatorsatdawn]

I'm horribly in debt and until recently had my head in the sand about it. There is a really good support thread on here (would link to it but that's beyond my skills when posting on my phone) great advice about the bestway of bbudgeting and paying it off and the people there are great hand holders as were all goimg through it. Have a poke round in the money topics. I sympathise about your frustration that he won't acknowledge it though, I can't help on that I'm afraid what with me being the offender in my case