Where to start? My first post, so much to explain...
My S(hopefully)TBXH is the most awkward, stubborn, controlling, pompous ass so I'll just refer to him as FW and I'm sure you'll figure out what that stands for. Married for 9y and now have been separated 3+y with DD(11) and DS(7). I have moved on quite a lot, new DP (long distance almost 3y), promoted, marital home sold and now in fab wee house. Am desperate to finalise divorce but FW refuses to attend lawyers to agree DC terms (financial all signed and sealed) and just threatens me constantly with court, or goads me to "take him to court if I'm not happy".
FW has OW who, not only was supposed to be my friend, asked me to be her bridesmaid as due to marry her 10+y DP - according to her friend FW & OW had been having affair while I grieved (badly) for my mum (died quickly from breast cancer in under 2 months), was incapacitated while awaiting procedure for back pain, and was helping her organise wedding. Since separation and their very fast starting of public relationship (OW suddenly split from fiancé couple of weeks after us, not suspicious at all!) I have refused all contact with OW as I don't have people who would do that to other people (let alone "friends") in my life. I do miss some of DCs parties as a result, but my choice. Kids understand OW and I will never be friends again although not all details of why.
I agreed alternate w/e and half of school holidays for access of FW but have struggled to timetable it, last couple of years were difficult enough but this year, FW has communicated NOTHING. I work f/t again (have to) but some weeks are banned from me taking as holidays, quite a lot during school holiday periods. Had asked since end of Dec what weeks/dates he wanted in 2014 several times but no reply until Easter when he confirmed on a Sat that he was taking DCs for a week starting on Sun! Foresaw same situation arising for summer so pursued answers hard and got nowhere, ended up using couple hundred pounds had saved for short break to put them into a summer camp 9-3 for 2 weeks in desperation as had no alternative childcare. Worked weekends to make up time so I could drop/collect them (work were very understanding).
Too much happened to put down here suffice to say controlling behaviour, lack of any communication and general manipulation of situations to make me look bad had pushed me to the edge. Have concerns with his supervision as they often drink to excess (kids in other room), my DCs still sleeping on livingroom floor as OW has small flat and haven't put bunks into her DD room for the access w/ends so kids often up very late and see inappropriate films and TV. Final straw, he bought DS (7) the Assassins Creed video game (15+), told him it has bad parenting to let him have it, then both FW and OW told DS to lie to me about having it. Am beyond angry. DS already having emotional/temper issues at school and awaiting ADHD assessment, often cries and angry wee boy.
Have now requested FW and I meet to agree minimum standards of care via lawyers and until he agrees same have denied him overnight access, just cannot trust his judgement any longer. He refused.
Advice / suggestions please. (Offers of hitman not helpful thanks!)
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AiMU (but at end of tether)
Everybodyleaves · 20/07/2014 16:02
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