Can't deal with h any longer

[Longdistance]

I'm so angry right now, I could murder him.

We're on holiday, and because it's all inclusive, he's been drinking loads. Tonight, after dd2 went to bed, he went off to the bar to have more drinks. This has resulted in him waking up sick tonight, and he fell like a tonne of bricks onto the tiled floor. I still don't know if he has broken anything, as he has crawled to the bathroom unsuccessfully, and is half in the family room, half in the bathroom covered in shit.

I've got dd's asleep here, we're in a family room, and I need to protect dd's from seeing this worthless bastard on the floor.

It's dd2's 3rd birthday today too :(

[sugar21]

Op my EXH was and as far as I know is a raving alcoholic. I know what it's like to live with one, and the puke and poo etc etc. My advice to you would be as soon as you get back home try to leave. WA are very good if you need them. I'm worried that your DH will become violent as drunks so often do. If that's what you think pacify him for now. I stayed with mine until I finished up in A&E when he attacked me. Dunno really what else to say except get your DD's to the beach

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

You poor thing, sounds dreadful.

[Longdistance]

I've made him clean it up, saying it's not fair on the room service lady to deal with. He's in the room hiding, and I've been for a splash around with the girls, who are now in kids club.

His first words to me were ' Algeria and Russia are playing later' I hate football, as if I'm interested in anything he's got to say.

I could have been knocked down with a feather, he gave me his cash card to get money out. I've got a cold and a chest infection. I'm asthmatic, so needed some antibiotics. All I wanted was a good nights sleep as I feel unwell, and I've been up since 3 am listening to arsehole bang around in the bathroom cleaning, and I've been keeping an eye on dd's, so they don't wake from the commotion, and need the toilet, as it was disgusting beyond belief.

I really hate that man right now. He's destroying everything. He's so fucking selfish. I just need to get through til Sunday when we travel home, and I want him out of the house to give me space. Like lots of it. He's supposed to be in Manchester on Monday for work, and will be staying up there the night. I need him to stay away a lot longer.

[VitoCorleone]

God OP that's awful at any time, but on holiday the night before your daughters birthday? Appalling.

You will be well shot of him

[Lweji]

You have probably got this advice previously, but gather help from as many people as possible, including WA. Make a plan and leave.
The danger here is that you'll start minimising it as you return home and start thinking it's not so bad and keep staying.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

No man is above the law, never forget that.

[Longdistance]

My friend is a criminal lawyer. She will have friends in the industry iygwim, so will ask her advice on who to use as we've both used some major solicitors in our town due to house sales, legals etc. don't want a conflict of interest going on.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

You have written about him at some considerable length previously and nothing has really changed. I remember him financially abusing you previously and that has not altered one bit either; he's still doing that as well.

Seek the advice too of more than one Solicitor; friends can be over invested.

All you can do going forward is leave this man. This is no life for either you or your children to be witnessing. They've already heard and see far more than you perhaps even care to realise.

[Longdistance]

It's gonna be a nightmare chucking him out. All his family are coming over from Oz to stay with his dad, which is the only place I can possibly throw him out to. His df is a decent man, very gentle, calm, generous, respectful. Just a lovely man. How the hell did he end up with a son like him?

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

What do you mean documentation?
His behaviour is demonstrating that he is an alcoholic/alcohol dependent/disordered drinker/alcohol abuser/whatever you want to call it. What documentation do you need?

[Longdistance]

No documentation of him being an alcoholic so far. He's always been a heavy drinker, and it's starting to spiral. This is like the straw that broke the camels back.

I have taken a photo of him on the bathroom floor though, to keep as evidence.

[Celynfour]

I didn't want an alcoholic for a husband either.
My best hope was that he wld crack his issues with alcohol and he seemed to for a while. But ultimately he didn't.
Now I wish I had been brave enough to leave years earlier .
No one can tell you what's right for you. Draw your own boundaries on acceptable behaviour and stick to it.
I always thought I wld leave him if he was drunk in front of the children. But I gave him another chance as I really hoped he wld change. I struggled with that tho as he was in charge of the children and I felt I had failed to protect them.
It was a huge relief when he walked out, practical difficulties aside.
I am much much happier being on my own with the children. Beyond compare.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Very glad that you're getting legal advice. As a DW with children you have certain rights and you may be better off than you currently think, even if you don't have paid employment straight away. Is his alcohol problem documented anywhere?

[springbabydays]

How revolting for you and the dcs! And what sort of birthday did he think your dd was going to have anyway, him with a rotten hangover. I hope you can have a decent day without him. What a selfish idiot. I agree, use the hotel bathroom instead - they usually have a shower for those who have late flights home I think.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

One thing I cannot cope with, is having an alcoholic for a h

That's exactly what you have got. You need to start making plans. This is so far beyond acceptable.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

When I stayed at home to look after our young children I had access to half of whatever was left after bills were paid. Just because you are unpaid doesn't mean you are not working. He would struggle to pay childcare if you were not around.

[PragmaticWench]

So he's happy to keep you short of money to cover bills, but to pay out for an all-inclusive holiday? I'd be pretty angry with those priorities, let alone being quizzed about where the housekeeping money had gone. There's nothing wrong with being careful with money but that doesn't sound the case here.

Definitely time to seriously and calmly think about your options.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Sounds like there are more issues than just the drinking here.

Sorry you're having such rubbish holiday.

[Longdistance]

Cog I am starting to think we're better on our own, and without him. He's really pushed the boundaries on depravity tonight. One thing I cannot cope with, is having an alcoholic for a h. My aunts dh was one, and she went through the mill with him. She's still with him, but that's not the life I want for my dd's.

I'm a sahm, and am desperate to go back to work, as am fed up of asking for money off of him.

[Longdistance]

Thank you for sharing your story Celynfour

I have the passports in my handbag. No safe here unfortunately, so I'm keeping them safe.

Sorry to hear your marriage broke up. I hope your life is a lot happier one without him in it?

I have a friend who is a solicitor, so will seek advice through her.

[Celynfour]

Ps
Don't deal with it any longer if you can't.
You are responsible for young children.
Being on my own with the kids is a doddle compared to the uncertainty of a drinker. I've made some mistakes with dealing with my separation, lots of good advice here to protect yourself.
And Happy Birthday. Make some happy memories.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Probably time to face up to the fact that he's an alcohol abuser/alcoholic and has a serious problem. Easy to hide it in some sectors of British culture and claim that it's just part of having a good time. But being so drunk that he loses consciousness and control of his bowels is very serious. You wouldn't have been out of line to call an ambulance.

I had an exH that used to do exactly the same thing, disappearing off at night on holiday to get pissed because 'he had a right to relax'. He was an alcoholic and I'm very glad he's an ex.

Are you thinking you'd be better off out of the relationship?

[Celynfour]

Something similar happened on our (subsequently) last family holiday.
Had taken eldest daughter to local town and when we returned cld not find DH or two other children (4 and 7).he wldnt answer his phone.
It was lunchtime. We found them outside the room. He was lying on the floor. Kids were complaining he wldnt take them for lunch. He had sand all over his face, in his ears. He cldnt speak . I dragged him into the bed. Told them daddy was poorly. Took kids for lunch and played at pool. He turned up and was still worse for wear. Punched the back of the deck chair.
If you get a chance take your passports. He had locked ours in a safe . Worst thing was not being able to 'escape' if he got drunk again.
Our marriage staggered on for a year. He hadn't drunk for 2yrs at that point. His drinking escalated a few months and he walked out a year later. Culminating in coming home from AA meetings so drunk he cldnt walk at 8pm in evening. Eldest dd (9 then) started to notice. He knew I cldnt trust him.
I can't advise you other than get your passports. But I can empathise. Find yourself a friend who has had experience of marriage with an alcoholic. (No one except an alcoholic wld allow that kind of behaviour) it is hard to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it how you feel. I felt sick, angry, anxious, scared, embarrassed and overwhelmed.
I shld have left him years before but I always gave him a second chance.
Now we are going through a messy, painful, blame riddled divorce.
I'll be thinking of you. Look after yourself and the children. Grown men can take care of themselves.

[Longdistance]

I have a family camera, he can delete on that. He can't on my phone. I'm securing things for the future iygwim. He's gotten arsey before about putting pictures on fb. Nothing offensive, just family shots. I've taken photos of finance stuff before, that I never knew he had. I get given 'housekeeping'. It's never enough, as I pay bills out of it. If I run out and ask for more, I get quizzed as to where it's gone to.

There's lots of history with h being FA. Don't think I can take all this shit any more. Excuse the pun.

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Ah, I see.

Why would he delete it? Have you tried to confront him before and been met with denial? I'm asking because the fact that you're already thinking ahead to whether he can tamper with the evidence is a really, really bad sign for the prognosis of this marriage.